Hold the front page! Some news happened. Film at 11

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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markfiend
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Quiff Boy wrote:
04 Dec 2020, 09:59
Thundersnow
The BBC wrote:Dr Bryony Coombs tweeted: "Good morning to everyone in Edinburgh who woke in the middle of the night to huge crashes of thunder, lightning and snow."

And Edinpotter63 tweeted: "Good morning from snowy Edinburgh. Woken up at 04:40 by thundersnow!".
What randoms post on Twitter is news now?
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Quiff Boy
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markfiend wrote:
04 Dec 2020, 10:13
The BBC wrote:Dr Bryony Coombs tweeted: "Good morning to everyone in Edinburgh who woke in the middle of the night to huge crashes of thunder, lightning and snow."

And Edinpotter63 tweeted: "Good morning from snowy Edinburgh. Woken up at 04:40 by thundersnow!".
What randoms post on Twitter is news now?
if it's a catchy phrase, i guess so :D
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
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Pista
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It's been a tough year for retailers & artists but spare a thought for Nick Cave as nobody wants to buy his wallpaper
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Pista
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Now that wearing a mask is the considered okay in day to day activities, you might want to remember that the next time you're robbing a bank
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EvilBastard
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Pista wrote:
06 Dec 2020, 10:28
Now that wearing a mask is the considered okay in day to day activities, you might want to remember that the next time you're robbing a bank
One of the biking magazines in the UK (might have been Performance Bike) used to issue stickers that you could put on your bike or your lid - like a little red wedge for the top end of your rev counter that said "She'll no' take any more, cap'n!". One of the give-aways was a label to go below the visor that said "Hand over the money and no-one gets hurt".
A friend of mine had this on her lid, and late one evening pulled in to a 24-hour garage to fill up. Went to the window to pay, the spotty yoof behind the glass took her card and said "It'll just take a minute, the machine's rebooting." So she's standing there waiting, spotty yoof keeps smiling, pointing at the card machine. 3 minutes later the local plod's ARV screams onto the forecourt, lights blazing - plod leaps out, guns at the ready, yelling at her to lie down and not move.
Turns out that a week previous the garage had been robbed at gunpoint and they'd installed a silent alarm connected to armed response as a result. Spotty yoof saw the sticker on her helmet and leaped to conclusions.
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Pista wrote:
04 Dec 2020, 15:17
It's been a tough year for retailers & artists but spare a thought for Nick Cave as nobody wants to buy his wallpaper
If the Biccies don't write a song called Porno Anaglypta then there's something seriously rotten in the state of Birkinhead.
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Behold. The T.U.R.D.I.S. It's bog-ger on the inside
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Big banana brightens Bournemouth man's year
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Woman, furious that her garden storage hasn't been installed, unleashes on.... *shakes magic-8-ball*....... Shed Seven
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EvilBastard
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Let's be honest and ask ourselves, who among us has not seriously desired to take a swing at one of the arseholes we have to work with during a team-building exercise (although, admittedly, none of the ones I've been unfortunate to have to attend have involved all-day drinking).
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You have taken my toilet's virginity. This is a criminal act!
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Quiff Boy
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that's fair

the last apartment block i lived in was a new-build, so i was the first person to live in that apartment

which also meant i was the first person to use that toilet

it still had the tape around it and the protective covering...

there was something deeply satisfying about unwrapping a toilet and knowing you were the first person to have a poo on it :D
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
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Rock, Rock City ... HBD@40 ... :bat: :notworthy: :bat: :notworthy: :bat: ...
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For all your steel-plate capped log smashing into your crotch needs, iron crotch kung fu
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It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out
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eastmidswhizzkid
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Pista wrote:
14 Dec 2020, 09:28
It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out
lucky bastards . i never find hand grenades. that would be awesome :twisted:
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Pista
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eastmidswhizzkid wrote:
14 Dec 2020, 09:41
Pista wrote:
14 Dec 2020, 09:28
It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out
lucky bastards . i never find hand grenades. that would be awesome :twisted:
Sure beats finding whale vomit :lol:
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eastmidswhizzkid
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:lol: :lol: :lol: Yupp
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"Yes, what can I get you?"..."I'd like a rat please."....."Er, we don't sell rats."...."But you've got one in the window."
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....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
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Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags
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Swinnow
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Pista wrote:
18 Dec 2020, 11:05
Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags
Initially I read this as involving a certain well known, but losing, Spurs striker.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
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markfiend
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Pista wrote:
18 Dec 2020, 11:05
Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags
Twenty-five grand's worth of pr0n is quite some collection!
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MadameButterfly
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Quiff Boy wrote:
10 Dec 2020, 12:21

there was something deeply satisfying about unwrapping a toilet and knowing you were the first person to have a poo on it :D
oh lordy that must have made quite a mess, unless you had a poo in it instead of on it!
here we go again....
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Ban this this filth!
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