Suggestions to make hell better

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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sisxbeforedawn
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Our HelpDesk is being moved to Mauritius, and until it's up and running we have to take turns answering the calls :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: . So to liven things up we're challenging each other.

Today is my torture and my challenge is say the word 'Cushty' on every helpdesk call :lol: yesterday the bloke in Glasgow had to make the users use the 'Windows Help' button for every call. :lol: the user with the fax problem was well confused

anybody have any other suppestions? anything to make this mind numbing task better (sorry to anybody that has to do helpdesk as a job)
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hallucienate
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Mauritius? lucky helpdesk!!! Tell it that Phoenix Beer is highly recommended.
Mauritians have a funny accent, somewhere between French and Indian, the callers are gonna love it :lol:

Here is my challenge: try survive the whole day without telling any of the callers to reboot their machines.
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Quiff Boy
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tell them its something to do with electro-static and that they should turn off every piece of electrical equipment on the building (pc's, phone chargers, fridges, kettles, EVERYTHING!) for 5 minutes

also, say that for the duration of those 5 minutes they should all stand out in the car park... for we all know the dangers electro-static dishcharge ;)

that is the only way to safely dissipate the built-up residue, after all...

or somesuch ;)
Last edited by Quiff Boy on 26 Oct 2004, 09:28, edited 1 time in total.
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hallucienate
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Quiff Boy wrote:tell them its something to do with electro-static and that they should turn off every piece of electrical equipment on the building (pc's, phone chargers, fridges, kettles, EVERYTHING!) for 5 minutes

also, say that for the duration of those 5 minutes they should all stand out in the car park... for we all know the dangers electro-static dishcharge ;)

that is the only way to safely dissipate the built-up residue, after all...

or somesuch ;)
that'd involve rebooting computers :roll: :roll:
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Quiff Boy
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hallucienate wrote:
Quiff Boy wrote:tell them its something to do with electro-static and that they should turn off every piece of electrical equipment on the building (pc's, phone chargers, fridges, kettles, EVERYTHING!) for 5 minutes

also, say that for the duration of those 5 minutes they should all stand out in the car park... for we all know the dangers electro-static dishcharge ;)

that is the only way to safely dissipate the built-up residue, after all...

or somesuch ;)
that'd involve rebooting computers :roll: :roll:
he could alternate between my tip and your tip :?: ;)
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hallucienate
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provided he does mine first :wink:
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sisxbeforedawn
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that's 4 'cushty's' and no reboots :lol: but it's a bugger to get the user the stop all the services and then restart them :lol: and a manager will try and move all his staff into the car park at lunch time while they shut everything down... hmmmm, wonder if my P45 will be in the post tomorrow?
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sisxbeforedawn
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[quote="hallucienate"]Mauritius? lucky helpdesk!!! Tell it that Phoenix Beer is highly recommended.
Mauritians have a funny accent, somewhere between French and Indian, the callers are gonna love it :lol:quote]

I can't understand a word!! it's just the helpdesk function that's going.

oh another cushty :lol: even managed to get the user to say it as well :lol:
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hallucienate
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there, i just said it: "Try a reboot"
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Planet Dave
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Set fire to your office. For 'atmosphere'.
If you were asking my opinion then I would say delete that.
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paint it black
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could you say

"hmmm, big job, that'll cost you" in a mechanic type of way?

or

"i've come across this once before......(delay)......may this time will be better"

or

"hang-on, i've got the user manual here somewhere"
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lazarus corporation
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"that sounds like a user error - have you upgraded the user recently?"
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hallucienate
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issues with the wetware again.
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Karst
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* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) has joined #maddox
<ellisImbrius> ppl download remove tool for new worm 'i-worm.mymoon' you can download here , while im online... http://192.168.1.2:8000/
* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) Quit (Read error: EOF from client)
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hallucienate
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Karst wrote:* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) has joined #maddox
<ellisImbrius> ppl download remove tool for new worm 'i-worm.mymoon' you can download here , while im online... http://192.168.1.2:8000/
* ellisImbrius (~Imbrius@rrcs-24-105-184-134.nys.biz.rr.com) Quit (Read error: EOF from client)
makes about as much sense as launching a DoS attack on 127.0.0.1 :lol:
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Karst
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<Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<Edgy> Microsoft Works

<BlackJaX> Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips"
Last edited by Karst on 26 Oct 2004, 11:00, edited 1 time in total.
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hallucienate
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visiting bash.org again?
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Karst
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Yup - this is too funny:

http://www.bash.org/?search=microsoft&sort=0&show=25

And to compensate:

http://www.bash.org/?search=Macintosh&sort=0&show=25
Last edited by Karst on 26 Oct 2004, 11:06, edited 1 time in total.
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lazarus corporation
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Karst wrote:Yup - this is too funny:

http://www.bash.org/?search=microsoft&sort=0&show=25
"They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards it installs Windows."

:lol: :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy: :lol:
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hallucienate
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This one made me laugh this morning:
http://www.bash.org/?414591
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Karst
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This is the best:

<Guest17888> its me Where can i mk trilogy doiwnload???
<Garret> http://www.firstgov.gov/fgsearch/index.jsp?
dom0=www.fbi.gov&mw0=warez+sodomy+porn+microsoft+illegal+
MORTAL+KOMBAT+TRILOGY+DOWNLOAD+FREE&rn=218&in0=domain&
parsed=true&Submit=Go&domain=fbi.gov
<Garret> Just go here.
<Guest17888> garret its true or false
<Garret> It's true.
<Garret> I'm getting it at 400KB/s!
<Guest17888> garret its not true
<Garret> You clicked the link?
<Guest17888> yes garret and.....
<Garret> You do realize you just searched fbi.gov for warez, porn, sodomy, illegal, microsoft, and mortal kombat right?
<Guest17888> f**k ya all
* Quits: Guest17888 (MKIRCN-003@212.182.122.Kg9=) (QUIT: User exited)
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Quiff Boy
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geeks ;)
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lazarus corporation
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Quiff Boy wrote:geeks ;)
takes one to know one. :lol:
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hallucienate
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Karst wrote:This is the best:

<Guest17888> its me Where can i mk trilogy doiwnload???
<Garret> http://www.firstgov.gov/fgsearch/index.jsp?
dom0=www.fbi.gov&mw0=warez+sodomy+porn+microsoft+illegal+
MORTAL+KOMBAT+TRILOGY+DOWNLOAD+FREE&rn=218&in0=domain&
parsed=true&Submit=Go&domain=fbi.gov
<Garret> Just go here.
<Guest17888> garret its true or false
<Garret> It's true.
<Garret> I'm getting it at 400KB/s!
<Guest17888> garret its not true
<Garret> You clicked the link?
<Guest17888> yes garret and.....
<Garret> You do realize you just searched fbi.gov for warez, porn, sodomy, illegal, microsoft, and mortal kombat right?
<Guest17888> **** ya all
* Quits: Guest17888 (MKIRCN-003@212.182.122.Kg9=) (QUIT: User exited)
:notworthy: :notworthy:
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Quiff Boy
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lazarus corporation wrote:
Quiff Boy wrote:geeks ;)
takes one to know one. :lol:
its a fair cop, guv ;)
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