Your weird experience reminds me of mine, when I've been to Belgium the first time: 1992, to see the Sisters @ Pukkelpop. I stayed at Hasselt (IIRC) in a room above a cafe (Cafe de la Poste?) which was open the whole night. And because only the cook of that cafe was able to speak English, I was soon introduced to him, and he introduced me to his girlfriend, who was speaking English too. Anyway, they took me along to a club/party where they met with friends, and of course among themselves they would speak Flemish. At first I felt like an alien, but after a while I got into it. For my ears it sounds a lot like a mixture between English, German and Swissgerman (especially the pronounciation and the extended use of "ch", that guttural sound, which I believe in Flemish and Dutch is "G" or "Gh" (?)). Anyway, unlike you, Markfiend, I wasn't able to speak it, but I did at least understand it....
Thinking back of it, I'm still very much impressed with the hospitality of the people. I arrived there on my own and the people there not only introduced me to said cook, but also to two other guys who went to the festival too, so I'd not have to stay on my own.
So this one goes out to the Belgians:
I do not doubt that one experiences similar hospitality in any other given country, but I seriously doubt that anybody here in Zurich would care that much for an unknown tourist.
You can't fix stupid.