love and relationships

canon docre · 22 May 2005, 18:37

boudicca wrote: Sheeeit! Is that you in your avatar, cd?

RAWR!

You one foxy lay-dee!

Thank you! You're quite a stunner (voc?) too, Boudicca.

boudicca · 22 May 2005, 18:58

canon docre wrote:
boudicca wrote: Sheeeit! Is that you in your avatar, cd?

RAWR!

You one foxy lay-dee!
Thank you! You're quite a stunner (voc?) too, Boudicca.

Oh yes, so I'm frequently told...

emilystrange · 22 May 2005, 21:24

does this fall into the 'find a room' category? hee

Obviousman · 22 May 2005, 21:27

Black Biscuit wrote:Anthony Robbins, the peak-performance coach and author, says "if you're not in a relationship, you've chosen not to be hurt". End of story.

Some song of which I remember no further details had something like that in it too: 'when you have no-one, no-one can hurt you'...

But it works the other way round too, in my opinion, at least I feel that way... If you have no one, you cannot share your joy with no one too...

smiscandlon · 22 May 2005, 21:30

emilystrange wrote:does this fall into the 'find a room' category? hee

Leave them alone. It's obviously just the ladies' equivalent of the baby-oiled male bonding wrestling sessions that go on elsewhere on these forums.

Black Alice · 22 May 2005, 21:42

Just like to put in a word for those of us who are still happy in a relationship - he's me best mate and we hang out together all the time...joined at the hip. Can't and won't imagine life without him - and no, its not all kisses and roses, we have difficult times but (so far) have worked through them.

Not saying that those of you who have chosen to be single are wrong - live your life the way you want.....just felt that my point of view wasn't being voiced at all.

@ black biscuit - have been with my husband through my 20's and almost all my 30's and am lucky that we have changed together not apart

emilystrange · 22 May 2005, 21:52

ditto..
soul mate. one you want to duff up from time to time, but there you are.

canon docre · 22 May 2005, 22:18

Sounds depressingly like my life.

Intellectually I understand that people change, and a couple who have been compatible for years may suddenly one day stop being compatible.

Emotionally, there's still a part of me that feels that if you promise someone forever, you should at least make an effort to fulfil that promise. I know that's an immature and impossibly naive viewpoint, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when someone you've given your love and unconditional support to for almost a decade one day just loses interest and doesn't even want to try to make things work.

Your words were very touchy, Smiscandlon.
Maybe a threesome could lift you up a bit?

smiscandlon · 22 May 2005, 22:50

lazarus corporation · 22 May 2005, 22:51

smiscandlon wrote:

is that an artist's impression?

Delilah · 22 May 2005, 23:51

Ocean Moves wrote:
was there a point when you decided they were the 'one' ?

doesn't it always happen when you fall in love?

Ocean Moves · 23 May 2005, 08:08

Delilah wrote:
Ocean Moves wrote:
was there a point when you decided they were the 'one' ?

doesn't it always happen when you fall in love?

Perhaps ..maybe thats it in a nutshell.

Anyone have any thoughts; when you fall in love, do they
always feel like *the one* ?

(asked, while deftly avoiding the question oneself...

)

Eva · 23 May 2005, 08:57

Ocean Moves wrote: Anyone have any thoughts; when you fall in love, do they
always feel like *the one* ?
(asked, while deftly avoiding the question oneself... )

That depends on your definition of "falling in love".

When I got together with any of my former boyfriends it started not too seriously, but rather as a game. After a few months with my first boyfriend I had the impression that he was Mr Right, and that was true for the time being. Only seven years later and gradually it started to be wrong, as we grew apart (especially I did).

With the men who followed when I fell in love I just either had the feeling the person in question was "worth trying" or not. And even if the latter was the case that didn't stop me from being together with that person for a few more months. Sometimes you have a lot of fun with somebody even if you know it's not going to last.

Don't know whether I still believe in "Mr Right". I do believe in love and in friendship, and I think love and a lasting relationship for me can only be based on a strong friendship, which rests hopefully on shared interests, and most certainly on shared views of the world.

I think it's this strong friendship that leads to what smiscandlon has mentioned: trying to sort things out, trying to "work" on a relationship if you encounter bad times, instead of just walking away. And I also think that it's this strong friendship which can keep up sexual attraction over the years. Besides: friendship is not to be mistaken for being used to somebody of for being unable to stay on one's own for a while. In fact, I think the abilitiy to lead a more or less happy single life is a prerequisite for relationships between two equal partners.

Amen.

23 May 2005, 11:38

Me and mrs fiend were "friends who f*ck" for a long time. Come to think of it I guess we still are.

23 May 2005, 11:43

lazarus corporation wrote:
smiscandlon wrote:

is that an artist's impression?

you're a bad man laz

boudicca · 23 May 2005, 17:31

smiscandlon wrote:
emilystrange wrote:does this fall into the 'find a room' category? hee
Leave them alone. It's obviously just the ladies' equivalent of the baby-oiled male bonding wrestling sessions that go on elsewhere on these forums.

Oh come on, women are allowed to go around telling each other they look good without being lezzers!

Everyone knows that.

I'm afraid there is only one person on HL for me. And I hate to spoil the party, but it's not a lady.

Which brings us back to the original thingummy of the thread.

timsinister · 23 May 2005, 19:32

I'd like to thank everyone who's contributed to this thread. Rather than decide one way or the other, I 'observe'. So, all of these conflicting opinions and experiences are amalgamated into a guide to avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure.

Unfortunately, having observed nearly a hundred people in every version of a relationship possible, the end answer seems to be - Don't Bother.

I believe that people believe in The One, just like I believe that people believe in God, a tasty McDonalds burger, or another album...
I just don't know how to fit it into my world view. So, I let other people do it for me. I watch others conduct relationships and for every person who finds The One, two or three don't.

The experiment continues.

6FeetOver · 23 May 2005, 20:35

boudicca wrote:I'm afraid there is only one person on HL for me. And I hate to spoil the party, but it's not a lady.

Which brings us back to the original thingummy of the thread.

Boudy has a boyfriend! Boudy has a boyfriend!

Soz. Just teasing. Unfortunately, it's not a statement that can be thrown back at me...nor likely will be anytime soon.

6FeetOver · 23 May 2005, 20:37

Black Alice wrote:Not saying that those of you who have chosen to be single are wrong - live your life the way you want...

Sometimes, it's not really a "choice" - there just aren't any viable options, period.

Black Alice · 23 May 2005, 20:41

SINsister wrote:
Black Alice wrote:Not saying that those of you who have chosen to be single are wrong - live your life the way you want...
Sometimes, it's not really a "choice" - there just aren't any viable options, period.

I knew as soon as I typed that that it didn't cover everyone! Wish there was an answer that wouldn't sound trite....you know....."there are plenty more fish in the sea"; "Mr Right could be just round the corner" etc

But there are none, so I won't attempt it

Brideoffrankenstein · 23 May 2005, 20:49

after swearing that I would be single forever and ever amen I am now in a relationship (after being accused of selling out by my single girlie friends) and I have to say I have never been happier

feel free to vomit!

emilystrange · 23 May 2005, 21:05

SINsister wrote:
Black Alice wrote:Not saying that those of you who have chosen to be single are wrong - live your life the way you want...
Sometimes, it's not really a "choice" - there just aren't any viable options, period.

get your pretty lil ass over here, woman. there are plenty whose knees would go weak at a glance from our truly stupendous Hostess.

6FeetOver · 23 May 2005, 21:15

emilystrange wrote:get your pretty lil ass over here, woman. there are plenty whose knees would go weak at a glance from our truly stupendous Hostess.

*Blush* Thank you, dearest Em!!!

But: would MY knees go weak at a glance from *them*, I wonder...

emilystrange · 23 May 2005, 21:40

well if not, we have a few million more.

canon docre · 23 May 2005, 21:41

SINsister wrote:
emilystrange wrote:get your pretty lil ass over here, woman. there are plenty whose knees would go weak at a glance from our truly stupendous Hostess.
*Blush* Thank you, dearest Em!!!

But: would MY knees go weak at a glance from *them*, I wonder...

Isn't there a shortage of single men after the last Heartlander meet up, anyway?