Won't make it in today...

timsinister · 23 Sep 2005, 08:37

Radio news informs me that more and more people are pulling sick days, with crazy excuses up to and including deaths in the family, and burglaries.

Obviously, I've never needed to take a day off, as I don't do any work when I'm here. Have you ever fabricated a transparent fallacy to bunk off? Do you approve of this workshy attitude? Can I have a slice of toast?

nick the stripper · 23 Sep 2005, 08:46

Since I'm a cronic malingerer, I've used every excuse under the sun... I'll get back to you when I can think of an example.

smiscandlon · 23 Sep 2005, 09:00

I actually have an excellent attendance record.

But my timekeeping is another matter entirely, so I'm more likely to be heard making excuses for being late in the morning (you can only get away with blaming public transport so many times).

timsinister · 23 Sep 2005, 09:11

That's exactly it, smis! You need to start becoming ridiculously extravagant, like the bus turned into a giant meringue or you got kidnapped by Chechnyan seperatists, or had to fight off hordes of mutant Simon Cowells, decrying your ability to sing whilst simultaneously trying to eat the flesh from your living bones...

I'm pretty sure that's the one that got me fired, actually.

23 Sep 2005, 10:00

"Going to the dentist" is my usual standby.

boudicca · 23 Sep 2005, 11:18

timsinister wrote:That's exactly it, smis! You need to start becoming ridiculously extravagant, like the bus turned into a giant meringue or you got kidnapped by Chechnyan seperatists, or had to fight off hordes of mutant Simon Cowells, decrying your ability to sing whilst simultaneously trying to eat the flesh from your living bones...

But all those things have actually happened to you in reality, haven't they?

Poor Timmy.

Now, what's all this about you not doing any work...?

ruffers · 23 Sep 2005, 13:12

I average 1 or 2 days a year and am starting to think I'm missing out. Like smiscandlon though my timekeeping's abysmal, I mentally balance the two out and don't get over excited if I'm a bit late.

Let's face it - if you're going to be 10 minutes late you might as well make it half an hour and have a cup of tea and some toast.

timsinister · 23 Sep 2005, 13:35

The most exciting excuse I ever had was being trapped in my parent's town by a massive snowstorm. There were six foot drifts over the entire bus station, and the bastard's still didn't believe me.

Boudicca, I prioritise my work. One document, one visit to Heartland, one phone-call, one visit to Livejournal, one bit of filing, one visit to Hotmail...

paint it black · 23 Sep 2005, 14:05

ruffers wrote:I average 1 or 2 days a year and am starting to think I'm missing out. Like smiscandlon though my timekeeping's abysmal, I mentally balance the two out and don't get over excited if I'm a bit late.

Let's face it - if you're going to be 10 minutes late you might as well make it half an hour and have a cup of tea and some toast.

the trouble with that thinking is: the bradford factor isn't just how many people live in some ghetto, it's also, the formal version of the 'mental balancing act'

http://www.incomesdata.co.uk/studies/bradford.htm

ruffers · 23 Sep 2005, 14:24

errrrr

Sorry if I'm being slow today but you have completely and utterly lost me.

Ozpat · 23 Sep 2005, 14:33

A few months ago I had a party and did not feel like working the day after so I called work to say I had a flu. I stayed home for a couple of days and started working again. After a couple of weeks I had a real flu. My boss said there might be someting wrong with my imune system.

boudicca · 23 Sep 2005, 14:45

timsinister wrote:bastard's

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!!

Where's Ems, she'll sort you out...

ONE phone-call? AYE RIGHT I'LL BE SHINING!!

ruffers · 23 Sep 2005, 14:48

Ozpat wrote:A few months ago I had a party and did not feel like working the day after so I called work to say I had a flu. I stayed home for a couple of days and started working again. After a couple of weeks I had a real flu. My boss said there might be someting wrong with my imune system.

Why not just ring in and be honest enough to tell the truth and take it as holiday. Or, better yet, why not book the days off in advance knowing you're having the party. Or even better, why not bear in mind you're working the next day and behave as such?

Ozpat · 23 Sep 2005, 14:51

ruffers wrote:
Ozpat wrote:A few months ago I had a party and did not feel like working the day after so I called work to say I had a flu. I stayed home for a couple of days and started working again. After a couple of weeks I had a real flu. My boss said there might be someting wrong with my imune system.
Why not just ring in and be honest enough to tell the truth and take it as holiday. Or, better yet, why not book the days off in advance knowing you're having the party. Or even better, why not bear in mind you're working the next day and behave as such?

Let's say I learned my lesson well.

A bit of a problem is that I cannot get a day off when I call in the morning. It has to be booked in advance. So I should have done that as you mention as well.
Behave as such? Well sometimes this just doesn't work.

timsinister · 23 Sep 2005, 14:56

boudicca wrote:
timsinister wrote:bastard's
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!!

Where's Ems, she'll sort you out...

ONE phone-call? AYE RIGHT I'LL BE SHINING!!

I like the word bastard. It applies to a lot of people whose heritage I would question.

And that's one phonecall to the business, not one phonecall to you.

Andrew S · 23 Sep 2005, 15:33

I once managed a glorious 3-day skive, claiming it was food poisoning after the works Christmas night out. The beauty of it was I found out afterwards that a fellow employee actually did get ill after ordering the same dish as I had, so nobody questionned the story.

I took a quite a few sickies at that job and I really should have just got my arse out of bed and into work instead. A lame excuse I know but, if I'd just taken holidays rather than sickies, I wouldn't have been able to make most of the 2003 tour damnit!

scotty · 23 Sep 2005, 17:50

Everyone is entitled to a week on the sick,fact!!!.

boudicca · 23 Sep 2005, 17:55

timsinister wrote:
boudicca wrote:
timsinister wrote:bastard's
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!!

Where's Ems, she'll sort you out...

ONE phone-call? AYE RIGHT I'LL BE SHINING!!
I like the word bastard. It applies to a lot of people whose heritage I would question.

And that's one phonecall to the business, not one phonecall to you.

You imbecile! I'm talking about your SHOCKING overuse of apostrophes. We have been here before, need I remind you!

So the work/leisure phonecall ratio stands at about 1:50, correct? I can't believe you've lasted more than a day in that place!

canon docre · 23 Sep 2005, 18:15

I tried to bring in a suddenly sick aunt, when I wanted to attend the Celebrity Plane Crash shenanigans this year.

Obviously it didn't work out.

Brideoffrankenstein · 23 Sep 2005, 18:31

I couldn't make it to work once as I was still in London hungover after a manic weekend of clubbing and gigging

I also managed a two day skive this year (to go clubbing and gigging

) saying I had "women's problems" - always works with a male boss)

Obviousman · 23 Sep 2005, 19:08

The day I had to go for my driver's licence I didn't go to school on the excuse of having been sick in the morning... We have a good doctor here

Oh, and exams started just the day after... Still, that time I did pass

DerekR · 23 Sep 2005, 19:53

ruffers wrote:Why not just ring in and be honest enough to tell the truth and take it as holiday. Or, better yet, why not book the days off in advance knowing you're having the party. Or even better, why not bear in mind you're working the next day and behave as such?

How terribly grown up

boudicca · 23 Sep 2005, 22:14

Brideoffrankenstein wrote:I also managed a two day skive this year (to go clubbing and gigging ) saying I had "women's problems" - always works with a male boss)

Oh yes, that one never fails.

And the look of "aaaaarrrrrggghhh!" on his face is always priceless as well...

"Oh sure, go, go. Take all the time you need, a day, a week... just don't talk to me about women's things!!!!"

emilystrange · 23 Sep 2005, 22:24

boudicca wrote:
timsinister wrote:bastard's
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!!

Where's Ems, she'll sort you out...

ONE phone-call? AYE RIGHT I'LL BE SHINING!!

having a day out with Mr S.

tim.. i'm still watching you

eastmidswhizzkid · 23 Sep 2005, 23:44

when i worked for the Land Registry my sick record was appalling.i had something like three times as many self-certified sick days as was necessary to incur a disciplinary.
however you could have up to two years sick in any four year period if you had a doctor's certificate,on full pay!.so every few months i'ld trot along to the quack's and say i was feeling very depressed over the death of my father (who'ld been dead for a good six years) and get signed off for a month. full pay,an excuse to be seen out and about because it's not a physical illness,and nobody says a dickiebird when you go back 'cause it's depression.