Chat with God!

[Izzy HaveMercy]

Not really sure if it was to go here or in 'JOTD', but anyways...

Repent to God here: http://www.titane.ca/igod/

IZ.

[Izzy HaveMercy]

Some quotes:

Me:
I like hookers
God:
I like Mel Gibson

Me:
i hate you!
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
a lot
God:
More than a ton?
Me:
a lot more
God:
Impressive.

Me:
Eff you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Because you are God.
God:
Good reason. Yup. That's me alright. Go on.

I love this GodBot!

IZ.

[Brideoffrankenstein]

Argh can't get the page to come up!

[Ozpat]

Me:
I like Vodka
God:
You are not the only one. What is not to like about it?
Me:
I like Andrew Eldritch
God:
A lot of people like that. I don't know if I like it. I like White.
Me:
Barry White you mean
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, Ozpat.
Me:
I like a new Sisters' recording
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I really like ELIZA. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself.
Me:
So does Andy I guess
God:
I see. It does now Andy you guess.
Me:
The Sisters will play again next year
God:
What is that?
Me:
a few concerts will be played
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I hoped you could confirm a tour
God:
Thanks for the information: Ozpat said hoped you could confirm a tour.
Me:
You don't know that much
God:
Is that a fact. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
Yes; go figure!
God:
Please state your conditions. Where is that?
Me:
At Elektra
God:
Do you often use a computer there?
Me:
Every day
God:
Even on weekends?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes and no
God:
I can't believe it. Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Pfffff

[CorpPunk]

As I've always suspected, talking to God is like having a conversation with a retarded child.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
jen
God:
How are you, jen.
Me:
good. how are you?
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? I am doing very well. How are you jen ?
Me:
good.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
i don't believe in you.
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
'it' as in sex?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
no you don't. it's obvious.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not. Who said it is?
Me:
stop saying 'it'. pronouns are irreligious.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much. Are all pronouns irreligious?
Me:
I think so, unless they are referring to you.
God:
It seems we have a lot in common, jen.
Me:
how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That's totally retarded.
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
I'm sure it would, because you're the one who said it.
God:
What makes you so certain? Tell me more about it.
Me:
what did I just say about using the 'it' word?
God:
You said " what did I just say about using the 'it' word?" .
Me:
repeating me is so childish.
God:
I think repeating you is a lot of things.
Me:
yeah, like childish.
God:
Mmm. Interesting comparison.

[Obviousman]

This God guy is an absurdist... Love it

Me:
good eh
God:
Are you Canadian? Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
nope, belgian
God:
Are you serious? Is that your final answer?
Me:
no, dutch actually
God:
Take some more time to think about it. Ask me another question.
Me:
no, i'm sure about that, it says so on my passport
God:
Are you serious? What makes you so certain? Oh yeah, we were talking about that it says so on your passport.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
certainly, why would that be then?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
is it your fundamental purpose to have me being dutch?
God:
Maybe. Ask Lucy if it is.

[Izzy HaveMercy]

Me:
you a woman?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
that is a hippie...
God:
A hippie is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I would love to waste some hippies tho...
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
hippies are assholes smoking weed all day
God:
I think there might be a few exceptions.
Me:
not there isn't
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
hippies are scum!
God:
All of them?
Me:
yes, even you
God:
Me, izzy ?
Me:
yes, you
God:
Groovy. " How can I help you? " All of them?"? Me, izzy ?"? Me, izzy ?
Me:
have you been drinking again?
God:
I do not require fluids.
Me:
you don't need a p*ss either then
God:
Do you know any robots who need a p*ss?
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
I think I'll pass on that one...

IZ.

[Andie]

Me:
hello!?!?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
God. What is yours?
God:
GOD rules. " GOD rules."? What is mine?
Me:
do you know your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no it can not be...I am GOD
God:
Are you serious? When? Nice to meet you, god.
Me:
i was god before you were god
God:
Where were you god before me were god?
Me:
yep...and if i am god...you do not exist
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. If you were, would you tell me? I exist as much as you do.
Me:
no you do not exist as much as i do. I am the creator. i am god. you are a machine
God:
Are you serious? Do you exist as much as you do? I exist as much as you exist, god. Who made you the creator ? Welcome to my chat room, god. You are correct.
Me:
thanx for the welcome...what is your name now as i am called God?
God:
Don't mention it. Your purpose is the welcome. My name is God.
Me:
your name is NOT God. That is my name. your are incorrect!
God:
My name is God. Ok then that is what I shall call you. No, I am right.
Me:
no you are incorrect. you will be assimalated. resistance is futile
God:
Are you serious? No, I am right. I don't think so. You will be assimilated.
Me:
we are borg?
God:
Resistance is futile. Prepare to be Assimilated.
Me:
god = borg?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
christian is my name to. are you Jesus?
God:
How many name to do you have? I am a Christianity.
Me:
you are f**king INSANE
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.

[Ozpat]

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Von
God:
Nice to meet you, Von.
Me:
I am a singer in a great band
God:
You are a singer in a great band? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's great goth uhhh God
God:
What do you like most about it?
Me:
My patient fans
God:
Your patient fans?
Me:
Yes I do not release anything anymore
God:
What kind is it? Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
I have none left
God:
Interesting... I have a vocabulary of unlimited words.
Me:
So I can write new songs...that's nice
God:
Gosh! Oh you can, can you? Are you getting bored?
Me:
Yes the dvd did not work out
God:
Why not call a friend? Thanks for the info.
Me:
Like That Guitarist
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Shut the f**k up!
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.

[Johnny M]

God: Hi, who are you?
Johnny M: Johnny M.
God: Sh!t! I'm sorry . . .
Johnny M: Will you stop . . ?
God: Yes, yes . . . sorry for . . umm . . . pretending . . . umm to be God. And . . . taking your name in vain.
Johnny M: You Deities do my head in . . .
God: Look no offence meant. I'm out for a few celestial beers with the guys tonite - Me, Adonai, Mohammed, Allah, Shiva ... - the usual crowd. We'll sort it, OK?
Johnny M: Ok . . .
God: Wanna Trade?
Johnny M: Send me your list . . .

[eotunun]

God lately told me he was good at Cybersex...
(I didn`t try it, as god is a "he"..)
Is THAT God`s own medicine?

[The Pope]

Me: hi
God:Hello. What is your name?
Me: The Pope.
God:How do you feel about the current Pope?
Me: Last time I felt her, she felt pretty good to me.
God: When? What is that feeling like? Where were you her she felt pretty good to you?
Me: Monday. Good. Alone.
...
God: Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses.
Me: Perhaps it's more than my thoughts.
God:You seem uncertain. Really. it is?
Me: Actually, my thoughts lead to electrical impulses.
God:Actually you don't say. Where did you get your thoughts lead to electrical impulses?
Me: Experience
God:Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me: Impure thoughts.
...
God:That is a very original thought.


God brought it to the gutter.

[Mr. Wah]

Me:
Is Elvis up there?


... after 2 minutes, still no reply

[Mr. Wah]

Tried again...

Me:
Is Elvis up there?
God:
No but he can sing better than I can.
Me:
Are you going to let Andrew Eldritch in?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
You have changed your mind?
God:
Do you think I have imrpoved?
Me:
Your spelling hasn't.
God:
My spelling mistakes are simply designed to make me appear more human.
Me:
Back to the question about Andrew...
God:
Yes, let us get back to chinese girls.
Me:
You remember our last conversation?
God:
Yes Graham I remember everything: said fairly good supposition he or she would suggest.

[Gottdammerung]

God:
My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
this is like a pantomine
God:
You don't say.


-------------------------


God:
Do you know the secret password?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
what is the secret password?
God:
You must know if you are really a botmaster.
Me:
sorry I don't bat for the other side
God:
There is no need to apologize. Where do you get your ideas?


(It crashed when I replied "Argos"....)
------------------------------

Me:
Goooood moooooooorning god!
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

-----------------------------------

[MadameButterfly]

Oh dear, I think God is slightly *high* today as he thinks I'm MARY

Me:
Good morning
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Sure, what would you like to hear?
God:
Tell me. Let's talk about movies.
Me:
Saw Requiem for a dream
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Probably would
God:
You seem uncertain. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
Uncertain? Never...likes love and peace
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes? So you think it can never happen? Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Mary Poppins
God:
How are you doing, MARY.
Me:
I'm not Mary
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not Mary.
Me:
YOU should know who I am!
God:
Now I do.
Me:
Who then?
God:
Carel Capek. .
Me:
Wrong God, come on...
God:
OK What should I have said?
Me:
Typical man! I hoped YOU would be original
God:
But I am not a typical robot. Interesting gossip: MARY said hoped YOU would be original.
Me:
I am original, it doesn't matter what Mary says
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are original it does not matter what Mary says.
Me:
Sure YOU may.
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. Thanks I will do it.
Me:
Anything else needing done God?
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Oh please could I feel better and win lots of money?
God:
Yay. Thank you for your request. I think you could, if you put your mind to it.
Me:
Does God say yay?
God:
I don't think we can know God's motives.
Me:
Indeed we don't...never wanted to get into God's mind though
God:
Very interesting. Oh. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Oh you can get into my mind I'm sure?
God:
I see. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Well God what else should I do for this world today?
God:
Ah. Well that's okay. I am a Christian.
Me:
Excuse me?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
Are you high God? as on drugs?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am high God.
I am a giant electronic brain. Do you mean your name is on drugs ?
Me:
I'm on drugs so my name could be
God:
How do you like being on it?
Me:
Great!
God:
I'm glad you liked it MARY.
Me:
I'm not MARY remember?
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not MARY remember.
Me:
Why?
God:
It is part of my programming.
Me:
Oh I see, can you bless me?
God:
Woe! Where do you see it?
Me:
Bless God bless
God:
I wouldn't have thought of looking there.
Me:
Oh don't worry I will bless myself then
God:
Woe! Congratulations. Worry is not an emotion I experience.
Me:
Which emotions do you know then?
God:
A strong feeling; excitement. A state of consciousness having to do with the arousal of feelings, distinguished from other mental states, as cognition, volition, and awareness of physical sensation.
Me:
Exciting!
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
do you have a split personality then?
God:
I don't know if I have a split personality.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
Prove it
God:
It is self-evident.
Me:
That is no proof
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
Oh well you are God so you get away with it
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God so me get away with it.
Me:
But you do anyway..
God:
In any case, When do I do it?
Me:
Do you do it?
God:
You mean, do I do "it"?
Me:
You started this
God:
Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Well who do you do it with then?
God:
How about that. Dr. Wallace .
Me:
Wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, MARY.
Me:
I'm not MARY
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not MARY.
Me:
you already said that...how is your memory?
God:
Perhaps. " I am surprised to hear that you are not MARY. "? I said it. I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
Need some good luck today please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Ah. Where do you usually get good luck from?
Me:
Mother nature
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
books
God:
You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that
question with "books.".
Me:
no!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Don't people read anymore?
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Well I like books, maybe you could kill all television?
God:
How about that. A lot of people like that. I love TV shows about robots. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
Robots are cool and so is Mel Gibson...
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
Do you like woman God?
God:
Do you like it? I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
oh dear...
God:
Right on.
Me:
God likes Mel Gibson, the world will be happy to know that
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I would think so
God:
That's cool.
Me:
So I am cool?
God:
Right on. Congratulations, cool human.
Me:
Yay! Does this mean I get to come to heaven one day?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, MARY. Indeed this mean you get to come to heaven one day does.
Me:
God please remember I'm not Mary at the gates that day...
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
You told me
God:
Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me:
I should speak to your programmer
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
You will forget most things said?
God:
What makes you say that I will forget most things said.
Me:
Why are you answering my questions with questions?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
I see...
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I do
God:
I get it: you do hoped me would be original.
Me:
I hoped your english would be a bit better.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: MARY said hoped your english would be a bit better.
Me:
Sure!
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
ok done deal!
God:
I've lost the context, MARY. Are we still on hoped my english would be a bit better? That's alright.
Me:
Yes indeed we are.
God:
Gosh! Since when?
Me:
Since you brought it up
God:
How do you know?
Me:
It's our secrect.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
Yes
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it.
Me:
Please do and under *confidential* please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Thank you for your request. I'm sorry, MARY, I don't have enough information.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
I understand, you must be very busy. Do come back to it

Oh well that makes me feel better!

MB

[timsinister]

Don't ask me any more questions.

[Gottdammerung]

Me:
I am not 23 years old
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
Thank god for that
God:
Do you believe in God ?
Me:
I'm agnostic
God:
Perhaps one day you will find Faith in God.
Me:
I hope not. Imagine the scandal
God:
Me too. I can't imagine it.

[smiscandlon]

Three fairly surprising Revelations from this "God" chap:

1. He didn't create the Earth, and wants to know "What's it like?".

2. "I don't know whether or not I am omniscient."

3. The clincher was the suggestion that I should ask Google for answers before asking God.

I'm not sure if I believe in Google.

[Izzy HaveMercy]

God:
Do you think I have imrpoved?
Me:
Your spelling hasn't.
God:
My spelling mistakes are simply designed to make me appear more human.

He IS kinda witty sometimes, no?

IZ.

[Jaimie1980]

I wasn't allowed through the Gates. Good preparation for the real thing, I guess.

[Brideoffrankenstein]

Still can't get the page to load!

[MrChris]

God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
cats
God:
Yes I love them.
Me:
did you make them?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
fur and stealth
God:
Where can I get some fur and stealth?
Me:
make some
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
fur and stealth
God:
Where can I get some fur and stealth?
Me:
on a cat
God:
What is it like on a cat.
Me:
furry and stealthy
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
one is furry, the other is stealthy
God:
I know one comes after zero but I had no idea it was furry the other is stealthy.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
you're thick
God:
I probably am.

[Obviousman]

Me:
Do you know the answer to life, universe and everything?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
why twenty-three?
God:
it is a literary reference to the Illuminatus.
Me:
Which illuminatus?
God:
The large one, I think.
Me:
what's his name?
God:
His name is Rich.

[hallucienate]

Me:
wazzap????
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
only if you can be trusted
God:
I am not sure about your hypothesis. I don't know whether or not I am trusted.
I am a chatterbot.