28/11/05. Some Peter Kay "Observations"!.

[scotty]

#1...Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know thebatteries are getting weak?

#2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they knowthere is no money in the account?

#3...Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billionstars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

#4...Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

#5...Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

#6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

#7...Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

#8...Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

#9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

#11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

#12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

#14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

#15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

#16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

#17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

#18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

#19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

#21..If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

#22..And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

#23...And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

[nick the stripper]

#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Humans did not evolve from present-day apes. Rather, humans and apes share a common ancestor that gave rise to both. This common ancestor, although not identical to modern apes, was almost certainly more apelike than humanlike in appearance and behavior. At some point -- scientists estimate that between 5 and 8 million years ago -- this species diverged into two distinct lineages, one of which were the hominids, or humanlike species, and the other ultimately evolved into the African great ape species living today.

[James Blast]

get his coat scotty

[nick the stripper]

get his coat scotty

Fair do.

[markfiend]

#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Humans did not evolve from present-day apes. Rather, humans and apes share a common ancestor that gave rise to both. This common ancestor, although not identical to modern apes, was almost certainly more apelike than humanlike in appearance and behavior. At some point -- scientists estimate that between 5 and 8 million years ago -- this species diverged into two distinct lineages, one of which were the hominids, or humanlike species, and the other ultimately evolved into the African great ape species living today.

To be fair to you NTS, it is like saying to an American (of European descent) "If your ancestors came from Europe, why are there still any people living in Europe?"

I think my coat's on the same hanger while you're there.

[Mrs RicheyJames]

Oh FFS. This is JOKE OF THE DAY. Can't you anal people just go with it. You never know, you may just crack a fecking smile.

[markfiend]

Some of us like picking nits.

I laughed at the rest. Honest.