Bloody Gaz is rattling on. Reciting vast swathes of Middle Earth legend during the night. It's bloody keeping me from sleeping. He's been doing it for days now. I'm rapidly developing bags under my eyes that could hold a fortnights food shopping. I fear I may have to do him damage. But I know what it is.........
He's been Tolkien in his sleep.
*curtsies*
I can't get a wink of sleep...
-
- Slight Overbomber
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Finally, for once I got five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
- Planet Dave
- Underneath the Rock
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Ness, has my Dad been running those bloody 'joke' classes again?
You sound worryingly like a star pupil.
You sound worryingly like a star pupil.
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
- James Blast
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it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- Planet Dave
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Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.
There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
Where did Ceasar keep his armies?Planet Dave wrote:Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.
There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
Up his sleavies *goes to get his coat*
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
- Brideoffrankenstein
- Overbomber
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Here's one I got in my cracker from my staff Xmas dinner last friday -
Why did the pilot land a plane on a house?
Because the landing lights were on
Why did the pilot land a plane on a house?
Because the landing lights were on
Last edited by Brideoffrankenstein on 14 Dec 2005, 21:40, edited 1 time in total.
- Brideoffrankenstein
- Overbomber
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dunno Bboudicca wrote:Why did the mushroom go to the party...?
- Brideoffrankenstein
- Overbomber
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Ha!boudicca wrote:Go on, have a guess...Brideoffrankenstein wrote:dunno Bboudicca wrote:Why did the mushroom go to the party...?
Because he was a fungi
- Planet Dave
- Underneath the Rock
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Why do birds fly south in winter?
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
- James Blast
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My dog's got no nose...
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
- canon docre
- Overbomber
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How does it smell?James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
- Obviousman
- Outside the Simian Flock
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Awful?canon docre wrote:How does it smell?James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
(hope this isn't the actual joke )
Last edited by Obviousman on 14 Dec 2005, 22:02, edited 1 time in total.
- Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
A Flat Minor.
(still one of the best)
IZ.
A Flat Minor.
(still one of the best)
IZ.
- Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
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You poke his eyes out.canon docre wrote:How does it smell?James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
IZ.
- Izzy HaveMercy
- The Worlds Greatest Living Belgian
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Or, for the more intelligent people around:
I have in my possession an animal belonging to the family Canidae, and it appears that he does not possess any extra-facial olfactory organs.
Could you therefore impart to me, such knowledge as may be necessary, to describe how that animal circumvents the problem of satisfying his olfactory senses?
Unfortunately, the non-ambiguity of your enquiry does not easily permit me to provide a clever answer, but I am in fact thinking of referring the animal to an olfactologist. However, the animal does have a fairly unpleasant body odour, should you be interested.
IZ.
I have in my possession an animal belonging to the family Canidae, and it appears that he does not possess any extra-facial olfactory organs.
Could you therefore impart to me, such knowledge as may be necessary, to describe how that animal circumvents the problem of satisfying his olfactory senses?
Unfortunately, the non-ambiguity of your enquiry does not easily permit me to provide a clever answer, but I am in fact thinking of referring the animal to an olfactologist. However, the animal does have a fairly unpleasant body odour, should you be interested.
IZ.
Should always be followed by....scotty wrote: Where did Ceasar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies *goes to get his coat*
What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo
Yeah yeah, I ALWAYS laugh at my own jokes
Five cups of coffee just to be myself...when I'd rather be somebody else
- James Blast
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'cause no one else is Ness
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele
James Blast wrote:'cause no one else is Ness
have I EVER given the impression that I need others to laugh? I'm the singluar, giggling fool in the corner
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Five cups of coffee just to be myself...when I'd rather be somebody else
- markfiend
- goriller of form 3b
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It's too far to walk?Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
- Planet Dave
- Underneath the Rock
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Damn right. And they've got a point.markfiend wrote:It's too far to walk?Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
Next...
How old is your grandad?
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
- James Blast
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what's brown and sounds like a bell?
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
~ Peter Steele