I can't get a wink of sleep...

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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Debaser
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Bloody Gaz is rattling on. Reciting vast swathes of Middle Earth legend during the night. It's bloody keeping me from sleeping. He's been doing it for days now. I'm rapidly developing bags under my eyes that could hold a fortnights food shopping. I fear I may have to do him damage. But I know what it is.........






























































He's been Tolkien in his sleep.

*curtsies*
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nick the stripper
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Finally, for once I got five hours of uninterrupted sleep.
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Planet Dave
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Ness, has my Dad been running those bloody 'joke' classes again?

You sound worryingly like a star pupil. :wink: :lol:
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
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James Blast
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it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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Planet Dave
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James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.

Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.

There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
:D
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scotty
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Planet Dave wrote:
James Blast wrote:it's a bit early for the Christmas Cracker Jokes Ness
Not if you're making them yourself it isn't. Thus...

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.

Teacher: Name six wild animals
Pupil : Four elephants and two lions.

There's loads more, there's about 15 fooking rellies and assorted hangers-on turning up for xmas dinner. Bastards. Would you like to hear the rest?
:D
Where did Ceasar keep his armies?




















Up his sleavies :innocent: :oops: *goes to get his coat*
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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Brideoffrankenstein
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Here's one I got in my cracker from my staff Xmas dinner last friday -

Why did the pilot land a plane on a house?

Because the landing lights were on



:lol:
Last edited by Brideoffrankenstein on 14 Dec 2005, 21:40, edited 1 time in total.
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boudicca
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Why did the mushroom go to the party...? :roll: :twisted: :roll: :twisted:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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Brideoffrankenstein
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boudicca wrote:Why did the mushroom go to the party...? :roll: :twisted: :roll: :twisted:
dunno B :wink:
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boudicca
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Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
boudicca wrote:Why did the mushroom go to the party...? :roll: :twisted: :roll: :twisted:
dunno B :wink:
Go on, have a guess... :innocent:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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Brideoffrankenstein
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boudicca wrote:
Brideoffrankenstein wrote:
boudicca wrote:Why did the mushroom go to the party...? :roll: :twisted: :roll: :twisted:
dunno B :wink:
Go on, have a guess... :innocent:
Ha!

Because he was a fungi :lol:
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Planet Dave
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Why do birds fly south in winter?
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
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James Blast
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My dog's got no nose...
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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canon docre
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James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell? :eek:
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
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Obviousman
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canon docre wrote:
James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell? :eek:
Awful? ;D

(hope this isn't the actual joke :oops: )
Last edited by Obviousman on 14 Dec 2005, 22:02, edited 1 time in total.
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Izzy HaveMercy
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Minor.


(still one of the best)

IZ.
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For Greater Good - Ambient Music for the Masses...
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DerekR
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James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
Jamaica?
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Izzy HaveMercy
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canon docre wrote:
James Blast wrote:My dog's got no nose...
How does it smell? :eek:
You poke his eyes out.

IZ.
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Izzy HaveMercy
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Or, for the more intelligent people around:

I have in my possession an animal belonging to the family Canidae, and it appears that he does not possess any extra-facial olfactory organs.

Could you therefore impart to me, such knowledge as may be necessary, to describe how that animal circumvents the problem of satisfying his olfactory senses?

Unfortunately, the non-ambiguity of your enquiry does not easily permit me to provide a clever answer, but I am in fact thinking of referring the animal to an olfactologist. However, the animal does have a fairly unpleasant body odour, should you be interested.

IZ.
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Debaser
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scotty wrote: Where did Ceasar keep his armies?




















Up his sleavies :innocent: :oops: *goes to get his coat*
Should always be followed by....

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
























You can't wash your hands in a buffalo :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:



Yeah yeah, I ALWAYS laugh at my own jokes :lol: :lol:
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James Blast
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'cause no one else is Ness :innocent:
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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Debaser
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James Blast wrote:'cause no one else is Ness :innocent:

have I EVER given the impression that I need others to laugh? I'm the singluar, giggling fool in the corner :kiss:

What's brown and sticky?












































A stick





What's orange and sounds like a parrot?



















A carrot :lol: :lol: :lol:
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markfiend
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Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk?
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
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Planet Dave
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markfiend wrote:
Planet Dave wrote:Why do birds fly south in winter?
It's too far to walk?
Damn right. And they've got a point. :lol:

Next...

How old is your grandad?
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James Blast
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what's brown and sounds like a bell?
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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