is your child a goth?

[Delilah]

Mwahaha! This is just hilarious...


Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church



Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in peircings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "and Im a Goth".

-Claims to be a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

[Brideoffrankenstein]

I think several of those can be applied to normal teenagers whether they're goth or not!

[emilystrange]

hell, if they didn't do at least half, they should be cast out..

[aims]

Indeed. Perhaps a better title would be "Has your child hit puberty?"

[lazarus corporation]

below are some warning signs to indicate if your child [is a goth]
...
Claims to be a Goth

Those christians obviously know nothing - no goth would actually claim to be a goth - they'd deny it furiously

[aims]

Therefore, we can only conclude one thing:

The Christians in question must be goths

[Obviousman]

Therefore, we can only conclude one thing:

The Christians in question must be goths

Scary, isn't it...

[scotty]

Nope, none of the above EVER applied to me

[SomeKindOfStranger]

in a (very) similar vein:

http://www.redmusic.com/goths/warning.html

(nicked from an old 'joke of the day' topic)

[Obviousman]

Nope, none of the above EVER applied to me

That's denial, big time

[Izzy HaveMercy]

Therefore, we can only conclude one thing:

The Christians in question must be goths

Could be:

Catholic Nun:




Goth Chick:



IZ.

[aims]

Indeed Izzy. One might even venture that they could be Sisters of Mercy

[nick the stripper]

I've done a lot of the things on that list, I hope it's not too late for Jesus to save me!

[boudicca]

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "and Im a Goth".

This evidently comes as the result of a long hard study into the Goffick subculture, doesn't it...?

If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

"I'm really worried about my teenager. He seems bored and likes spending time with his friends unaccompanied by me. He watches cable TV and he seems to be becoming interested in... oh I can't say it... in sex. So I think he might be worshipping the devil."

Wonder who they'd want to treat eh?

[Andrew S]

Nope, none of the above EVER applied to me

Past tense I notice.

[eastmidswhizzkid]

"eats goth-related food"?? -wankers.
the romans had the right idea -"christian-related food".....for the fucking lions.

[Ozpat]

Therefore, we can only conclude one thing:

The Christians in question must be goths

Goth Chick:



IZ.

Santa Goff?

[markfiend]

Should this be moved to Joke Of The Day?

[James Blast]

Should this be moved to Joke Of The Day?

and we've already seen it, at least twice

[Céleste]

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess i gotta be ashamed of myself! i listen to the sisters of mercy!
im in danger! i do go conform to some of your rules!
__________________
this topic is simply def!

[Ozpat]

your rules!
__________________
this topic is simply def!

What rules?

[magic booka]

i hope my son doesn't end up as a goth. they sound like nasty scary people.

[culprit]

I HOPE my liitlun grows up as a normal kid and is bound to match some of the above.

The NMA t shirt I got her at last week gig should help!!

[Céleste]

your rules!
__________________
this topic is simply def!

What rules?

i mean the conditions to become a goth; the indicators..
goddam you know what i mean!

[eastmidswhizzkid]

there's no goths on here is there? hold on -

**goes off and checks**

-no..no goths on here. a few wankers who prefer the m*****n but can't rub-shoulders with such a high-class of people elsewhere as they can on here - but no goths.