The Return of the Heartland

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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vicus
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Great to see Heartland coming back to life 8) :von:
"Am Anfang wurde das Universum erschaffen.
Das machte viele Leute sehr wütend und wurde allenthalben als Schritt in die falsche Richtung angesehen."

http://www.poison-door.net/
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MadameButterfly
HL's mystical safekeeper
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Joined: 12 Jul 2005, 09:29
Location: in my own galaxy

Indeed, I thought I was caught in a bad trip.
it's all about circles and spirals
that ongoing eternity
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Spiggy's hat
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
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Hello, hello, it's good to be back.



Image
Give me one good reason
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Red_Kola
Amphetamine Filth
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Joined: 16 Dec 2003, 18:24
Location: a comfortable, tunnel-like hall

So when it went down last night, I did actually go and check the Sisters' "Record News" page just in case the server had fallen over/melted in a torrent of postings...

Oh well... :wink:
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canon docre
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so typical. Once in a year, when I lie in bed with fever and every reading apart from HL would be too intellectual challenging, it closes its doors. :evil:
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
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Obviousman
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Glad it's back :notworthy:

Hard times it were, as my other favourite forum was closed down as well :lol:

But now we can all sit back and relax again 8)
Styles are a lie.

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eastmidswhizzkid
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thank fook for that -lack of heartland has resulted in me having to spend today laying a vinyl-tiled floor (lino to you) in our hall, bathroom and bog. :urff:

's good to be back! :notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

indeed. :von:
Well I was handsome and I was strong
And I knew the words to every song.
"Did my singing please you?"
"No! The words you sang were wrong!"
:bat:
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streamline
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No HL meant having to do work at work (Yuk!)

and having to get pissed with the missus last night ( :D )

So, not all bad!!!

FYI May well get pissed again tonight to celebrate HL's return. Now that is what I call a plan ;D
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Obviousman
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streamline wrote:FYI May well get pissed again tonight to celebrate HL's return. Now that is what I call a plan ;D
That's the spirit :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy:
Styles are a lie.

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markfiend
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streamline wrote:No HL meant having to do work at work (Yuk!)
Aye :lol:

A graph of my productivity today:

Code: Select all

|    __
|  _/  \
|_/     \
|        \
|_________\
You get the idea.
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
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boudicca
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder 'n' aw that.

God but we're a sad lot! :lol:

(and yes, I am speaking for myself :oops:)
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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andymackem
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Found this explanation on-line.
mediaresource.net wrote: Productivity levels hit a record high in several offices today due to a mysterious computer bug.

The sharp surge in efficiency was put down to the collapse of the pernicious "Heartland", a virtual location famed for its destructive impact on professional and social lives.

A wave of redundancies is due to follow in the coming weeks after large numbers of work-shy skivers - spread all over the UK, Europe and even as far away as Australia - unwisely drew attention to themselves by doing some work in the office.

Bosses united as one: "We didn't even notice we were employing this lot until they pulled their fingers out.

"We know we can manage without their efforts - let's face it, we have done for years in some cases - so we will be introducing practical economies at the earliest available opportunity."

There was relief later in the day when Heartland finally returned to life and productivity returned to normal levels.

"The extra energy expended by staff actually doing their jobs across the country was draining the National Grid," admitted a red-faced official.

"We're only used to the low-lying hum of a PC, not actual work being done."

In a delicious irony, electricity to continue to power the computers which run Heartland was imported from France, a nation long scorned by the mysterious 'Von', leader of the cult.

This follows an unexpected rapprochement which will see this seldom-sighted creature make a public appearance in Paris this spring. With all the cliches that should inspire.
:innocent:
Names are just a souvenir ...
Russian footie in the run-up to the World Cup - my latest E-book available from https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DGJFF6G
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James Blast
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@andymackem :lol: :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy:
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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Obviousman
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Wot James said :lol:
Styles are a lie.

My Facebook/My Flickr
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canon docre
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:lol: :notworthy:

thank you andymackem. chills of laughter made quite a nice change to chills by ague.
Put their heads on f*cking pikes in front of the venue for all I care.
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streamline
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:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

8)
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boudicca
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:lol: :notworthy: :lol: :notworthy: :lol:

Reuters, I take it? :innocent:
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets
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Ozpat
From the Lowlands
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Location: In the place through which we wander.

:roll:

Didn't notice anything. Busy working :innocent:
"as we walk on the floodland"
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emilystrange
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i too was unaware of the tragedy unfolding
I don't wanna live like I don't mind
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scotty
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emilystrange wrote:i too was unaware of the tragedy unfolding
Oh my God Em's it was horrible, I was lost, I started speaking to Mags, I picked up and started to read a Book, I got up of my erse and made a cup of tea for us both :eek: , thank fcuk things are back to normal now :twisted:
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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James Blast
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scotty wrote:Oh my God Em's it was horrible, I was lost, I started speaking to Mags, I picked up and started to read a Book, I got up of my erse and made a cup of tea for us both :eek: , thank fcuk things are back to normal now :twisted:
see my post on the Ghost Dance forum
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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emilystrange
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*smacks boys*
I don't wanna live like I don't mind
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James Blast
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thank you Miss
"And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what's after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it's a frightening thought to go nowhere".
~ Peter Steele
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Planet Dave
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Good bloody job I'd swallowed the mouthful of beer before I read that.

Very good Mr Mackem. You should write for Viz. 8)
'Fragged another moaning sh1tbag'
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