One of Burns' finest hours, I'm sure you'll agree
Tae A Fert
Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie,
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There starts tae stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas,
Stert workin like a gentle breeze.
But soon the puddin' wi the sauncie face,
Will have ye blawing all ower the place.
Nae matter whit ye try tae dae,
Ae'body's gonnae have tae pay.
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair,
Tae try and stop the leakin' air.
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek,
Pray tae God it doesnae reek.
But all yer efforts go assunder.
Oot it comes - a clap o' thunder
Ricochets around the room,
Michty me, a sonic boom!
God almichty it fairly reeks,
Hope ah huvnae pooed ma breeks!
Tae the loo I'd better scurry,
Aw who cares, it's no ma worry.
Ae'body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly boakin.
I'll feel better for a while,
Cannae help but raise a smile.
"Wis him!" I shout with accusing glower,
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower!
"Ye dirty thing!" they shout and stare,
I don't feel welcome any mair.
Where ere ye go let yer wind gang free,
Sounds like jist the job fur me.
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty,
Ower the sake of wan wee ferty!
:Translations available on request:
