JOTD 16/04/03

[blackangelone]

Are these in the Guniess Book of Records? Can you imagine Cheryl Bakers face watching Horst Shultz or Roy Castle pumping stomach's. Doesn't bare thinking about

MOST HORRIBLE DRINK

The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small a mount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL

This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is no t mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'c**t Pump'.

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN

Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

LONGEST TURD

The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

WIDEST TURD

This was excreted by a 21 stone guy, and was 4 1/2 inches for most of its 8 1/2 length. The stool has since been preserved in alcohol.

MOST PROLONGED FART

Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.

LONGEST BOGEY

The longest dried bogey trail was found under a table at a well-known public school. It was measured at 26 2/3 inches long.

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED

Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

LONGEST PUBES

Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her minge.

MOST CAVERNOUS FANNY

Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.

ZIT POPPING

In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7 ft 1 inch.

[hallucienate]

wow, finally information I can use in everyday conversation

[hallucienate]

and I really must look up Maoni Vi in the phone book

[blackangelone]

I can't imagine she could be that difficult to miss. just look up ZZ Top impressionist

But what is it about LA. How drunk do you have to be to think about sticking a football up your **** , and 1.7pints . Thats either one busy working girl or a very gifted bloke. Swallows more seaman than the Bermuda Triangle springs to mind.

[hallucienate]

I can't imagine she could be that difficult to miss. just look up ZZ Top impressionist

I only want to phone up pretending to be a Nair salesman

1.7pints . Thats either one busy working girl or a very gifted bloke. Swallows more seaman than the Bermuda Triangle springs to mind.

Anyone recall the Blue Note skit called "the gush"?

[blackangelone]

What about

as the water come rushing over
as the water come rushing in
as the water come rushing over
flood... flood...