H. Blackrose wrote:ZOMG! Von got dumped?
Didn't
used to have a thing for the girl behind the deli counter at his local Spar, and someone from CNN Europe too (can't remember the names - anyone? Susanne Holst, I think her name was) - he's changed the Goddesses section of the site so TERMD is at #10, and the rest of it is blank until #1 (french actresses). Wondering what that conversation was like...
[wavy fade, mingle-mangle music a la Twilight Zone...]
[Scene: INT - master bedroom, Casa Eldritch, Hamburg. Sunday morning, around 8am. Light streams through the floor to ceiling windows STAGE RIGHT. The room is dominated by a big white bed in which a figure sleeps under a mountainous duvet. Taz and GoodGuy are asleep on the sleeping figure. VON enters STAGE LEFT. He is wearing one of those white fluffy dressing gowns you get in better hotels, and is bearing a tray carrying 2 cups of coffee, a copy of The Observer, a fresh pack of Malboro Red, a lighter, and an ashtray. He carries these to a bedside table and puts them down. He shucks off the robe, climbs into bed next to the sleeping figure. The Ever Reigning Miss Detroit (TERMD) wakes]
TERMD: Good morning, your celestial majesty.
VON: And good morning to you, you vision of colonial loveliness. Coffee?
TERMD: Yes please
VON passes TERMD a cup of coffee, picks up the cigarettes and unwraps them. He removes one from the pack, inserts into maw, and lights. Draws deeply and exhales. He picks up the paper and begins to read, chuckling to himself.
TERMD: Andrew, darling?
VON: Yes?
TERMD: I was thinking...
VON appreciates the gravity of the situation when a woman says this - there is something expensive and ill-advised on the horizon and proceeding in this direction with ill-deserved haste. Taz and GoodGuy look up, realise that a sh!tstorm is in the offing, and exit stage left to find gooshyfood.
VON: That sounds painful...
TERMD: You know, on your website...you refer to all these other women as goddesses, even that tart down the Spar. Oh, don't tell me you don't fancy her, I've seen you ogling her over the slices hams
VON: What about it?
TERMD: Well, now that we've moved in together, and we're dating, I think it is only right that you put me on the list of goddesses and take everyone else off.
Taz and GoodGuy are heard throwing themselves at the front door in a desperate bid to escape the approaching whirlwind.
OUTSIDE the sky darkens, a clap of thunder is heard, the scene is lit by lightning flashes. The television turns on on its own and scenes of widespread global destruction, apocalypse, hellfire and damnation are seen - plagues of locusts, rains of fire and brimstone, you get the picture. TERMD cowers under the duvet to escape VON's righteous wrath.
VON: UNGRATEFUL WENCH! I show you the scope of my gothic dominion, afford you pleasures of the flesh that few could dream of, and yet you still want MORE? I am adored by threatened species, and while I could love my fellow man I'm damned if I'll love yours. Get thee hence, craven shrew, before I unleash my wrath, and take those two cats of yours with you!
Scene fades, nurse enters STAGE LEFT to top up
EvilBastard's medication...
)?
Oh my god! He got tiddled!
