Kill the King

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
Post Reply
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Dawn creeps over the moor. The night was cold, and the sun, although bright, does little to warm the chill breeze blowing across the grass that stands between us.

Behind the Master stands his Second, the wooden box that contained his sabre cradled in his arms. Further back three others stand by. Their eyes do not leave my butler. The slight bulges under their left breast pockets say all that their silence does not.

He is taller than me. Well built. He cradles the sabre like a man who knows how to use a sword. I doubt this is his first duel. I can see his rapid breathing as the nerves start to subside. It is always the same. When you realise that now you are perfectly alone. No friends to impress, no smart words to score points with, just you. Now you have to either defer, or advance. I can see him looking directly at me. This time, he must go.

My butler eases my jacket from my shoulders, and crosses the ground from me to stand between us. I bring my rapier up until the guard is level with my face. The blade is long for a rapier, some three feet, with a deeper than normal blood groove, making it light. The guard is swept back in the Toledo style, the grip soft leather.

"Gentlemen. I assume neither of you is prepared to defer?"

Silence.

"In that case, when I step back, you will both advance and engage. To the death. When honour shall be satisfied"

My butler steps back.

I drop my rapier to waist height, the point of the honed steel blade aimed at his heart.

"En guarde!" and the sound of steel meeting steel cracks through the mourning air ... for when shriek subsides, the Master shall die and the Major shall smile.
Top
User avatar
Debaser
Overbomber
Posts: 4659
Joined: 30 Jan 2002, 00:00
Location: Lincoln. UK

Another 100 strikes and yer out mate!

And Major de Coverley...isn't that one of those hoppy, jumpy, hey no-i-no type dances?
Five cups of coffee just to be myself...when I'd rather be somebody else
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

Honey, I like your style .......... :wink:
Hell is other people
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Ask CorpPunk, Debaser. She knows.

You may strike me with a thousand lashes. But you will never beat the Major.
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Honey's dead Dahlia, dead. Just ask Jim and Bill. They know.
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

He'll always live on in my heart ......

*BD weeps profusely into a large handkerchief*
Last edited by Black Dahlia on 28 Aug 2003, 12:38, edited 1 time in total.
Hell is other people
Top
User avatar
Black Planet
Andrew's Love Goddess
Posts: 2170
Joined: 02 Jun 2003, 20:16

:innocent: :von:

Welcome Major, or are you really a Minor? In disguise?
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Hey Planet, nice to meet you. Haven't spoken before, but you sound cool. Don't know why, but something tells me you might like the soft LEATHER grip on my rapier. Call it major intuition.
Top
User avatar
Jim
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1043
Joined: 28 Jan 2002, 00:00
Location: Temporarily detained in Yorkshire
Contact:
Contact Jim

Well that gives the game away :P
"You do realize you're talking to a man with a human head in his hands who has every intention of using it to beat these people to death?"
Top
ryan
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 851
Joined: 22 May 2003, 10:57

:roll: trash :roll:
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

ryan_w_0000 wrote::roll: trash :roll:
Now, now young Ryan. No need to throw the toys out of your pram.


*BD replaces her black mourning veil*
Hell is other people
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Thank you Dahlia dearest.

I remain indebted to you and your defence of the Major's good name. Fortunately not required in this case- the thimble witted retard has been disciplined and is now cleaning my boots. "Trash"? I've shot and gutted men for less than that.

Much love

The Major
Top
ryan
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 851
Joined: 22 May 2003, 10:57

*sigh* i should really stay out of general chat

can we have something other than your jargon, major?. im sure that your story will get you a c- in your english class.

BUT im afraid ill have to give you an F for originality
Top
User avatar
Big Si
School Bully
Posts: 6746
Joined: 19 Nov 2002, 00:00
Location: Glesga Central

Welcome Major!

Who is the man behind the mask?

Image

I'm also a butler in my spare time! :wink: :D
Wyrd bið ful aræd...

mybelgiannemesis
Top
User avatar
Big Si
School Bully
Posts: 6746
Joined: 19 Nov 2002, 00:00
Location: Glesga Central

ryan_w_0000 wrote:*sigh* i should really stay out of general chat

can we have something other than your jargon, major?. im sure that your story will get you a c- in your english class.

BUT im afraid ill have to give you an F for originality
I smell a fight coming on! ;D

Image
Wyrd bið ful aræd...

mybelgiannemesis
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

English isn't your first language, is it Ryan?

Now back to my boots. I want to invade Poland by tea, and want to look my best.
Top
User avatar
Black Planet
Andrew's Love Goddess
Posts: 2170
Joined: 02 Jun 2003, 20:16

Major de Coverly wrote:Hey Planet, nice to meet you. Haven't spoken before, but you sound cool. Don't know why, but something tells me you might like the soft LEATHER grip on my rapier. Call it major intuition.
Major intuition, huh? Well nice meeting you you as well. Now what kind of car do you have?
:wink: :wink:
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

Major de Coverly wrote:English isn't your first language, is it Ryan?

Now back to my boots. I want to invade Poland by tea, and want to look my best.

Oh Darling , not Poland again! You'll miss tiffin!
Hell is other people
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Thank you, Big Si. I feel most welcomed.

As a gentleman yourself, you know that the mask never comes off. And what with dispatching of the Master earlier today, and invading Poland later this afternoon, I have got enough on my plate as it is. So no more fighting today either.

The Buxman will be pleased.
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

[quote="Black Planet"][quote="Major de Coverly"]Hey Planet, nice to meet you. Haven't spoken before, but you sound cool. Don't know why, but something tells me you might like the soft LEATHER grip on my rapier. Call it major intuition.[/quote]

Major intuition, huh? Well nice meeting you you as well. Now what kind of car do you have?
:wink: :wink:[/quote]

Planet, sweetie, you sound delicious. I don't have a car. Just a trusted steed (with LEATHER saddle) called Porsche. One horse is enough power for me.

Come round for tea sometime- Dahlia is arranging it after I've done Poland and finished my English homework.
Top
ryan
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 851
Joined: 22 May 2003, 10:57

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Major de Coverly:
English isn't your first language, is it Ryan?

Now back to my boots. I want to invade Poland by tea, and want to look my best.



ill warn poland then major

theyll know you by your pic :wink:

Image


nah just kidding- welcome to heartland ;D ;D
Top
User avatar
Mrs RicheyJames
Overbomber
Posts: 4128
Joined: 10 Feb 2003, 00:33
Location: Rick Astley's house. Trying to find out why he chooses to look like Timsinister.

Greetings Major!!!! Classic entertainment!!!
Only a paand.
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

Major de Coverly wrote:
Black Planet wrote:
Major de Coverly wrote:Hey Planet, nice to meet you. Haven't spoken before, but you sound cool. Don't know why, but something tells me you might like the soft LEATHER grip on my rapier. Call it major intuition.
Major intuition, huh? Well nice meeting you you as well. Now what kind of car do you have?
:wink: :wink:
Planet, sweetie, you sound delicious. I don't have a car. Just a trusted steed (with LEATHER saddle) called Porsche. One horse is enough power for me.

Come round for tea sometime- Dahlia is arranging it after I've done Poland and finished my English homework.



How many is it for tiffin then my angel? Im not sure Ive ordered enough fairy cakes to go round ..........
Hell is other people
Top
Major de Coverly
Road Kill
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Aug 2003, 18:03

Don't be silly Dahlia. Everyone knows that fairy cakes don't exist.
Top
User avatar
Black Dahlia
Elegantly Wasted
Posts: 571
Joined: 27 Mar 2003, 20:28
Location: On the lone and the level ....

Major de Coverly wrote:Don't be silly Dahlia. Everyone knows that fairy cakes don't exist.
Look - just bugger off to Poland and let me do the thinking, okay?

*stomps off*
Last edited by Black Dahlia on 28 Aug 2003, 15:33, edited 1 time in total.
Hell is other people
Top
Post Reply

Return to “General Chat”