The Sisters of Mercy Forum
The Late Bill Hicks wrote:I'll tell you a true story, a true f**king story, man, about blood lust. I was down in Alabama, and I was playing a town called Fife, Alabama last year. And they wanted me there to host their annual Rickets telethon, or something, I don't know what the f**k it was, but anyway. It was great to be there and anyway this is absolutely true-last year in Fife, Alabama, they had all these UFO sightings. And apparently everyone in town saw these UFOs, all right? Which really pissed me off, because when I was there, about forty people saw me. But, there was no advance advertising, no publicity, that's a big market for me. Anyway, I'm curious about UFOs, so I asked this guy who was there what it was like. And the guy said, "Oh, man, it was incredible! People came from miles around to look at them! A lot of people came armed." People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings. Kind of brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "You ain't from around here, are you, boy?" I said to the guy, "Why do you all bring shotguns to UFO sightings? It seems to be there's going to be a point in our development or evolution when you put your guns aside." You know what I mean? Don't you think that should happen, I mean just f**king once? The guy said, "Well, we didn't want to be abducted." I'm thinking, Yeah, and leave all this. Dude, if I lived in Fife, Alabama, I'd be on my hands and knees praying for an abduction every goddamn morning, all right. And believe me, I would not be picky. Greyhound-abduct me. But I said, "What do you mean, abducted?" And he said, "Well, they abduct people and they perform scientific and medical experiments on 'em." "Well, maybe we'll be lucky and it's some kind of sterility/dentistry program they've got going. Maybe they come down here, castrate you, straighten your teeth and split. Sort of a 'clean up the universe' pact." He said, "Huh?" I was almost sure I was talking to that dude. I'll tell you, too, that's starting to depress me about UFO's, about the fact that they cross galaxies or wherever they come from to visit us and always end up in places like Fife, Alabama. Maybe these are not super-intelligent beings, man. Maybe they're like hillbilly aliens. Some intergalactic Joade family or something. "Don't you all want to land in New York, or L.A.?" "Nah, we just had a long trip, we gonna kick back and whittle some." Oh, my God, they're idiots. "We're gonna enter our mothership in the tractor pull!" My God, we're being invaded by rednecks. My biggest fear. Last thing I want to see is a flying saucer up on blocks in front of some trailer, you know? Wouldn't that be depressing? Some bumper sticker on it - "They'll get my ray gun when they pry my cold, dead, eighteen-fingered hand off of it!"
