Facebook fwends

[GC]

If any of the bullies ever get in touch with me I'm going to hand over my dinner money straight away.

[mh]

A lot of it's down to what kinda school you went to, what the teaching policies and admin policies were like, and when you went. I'd say it's reasonable that most of us in the late 30s and above age bracket could tell some pretty bad stories (by no means confined to that age tho), although I don't remember ever seeing anything as bad as the guy in that blog describes.

Me, I grew about 6 or 7 inches taller between the ages of 13 and 16 and got left well alone after that. Big memory is coming back after summer break, and one of the guys who used to give me a bit of a rough time coming running at me. He got close and I just looked down at him - see him vamoose!

[boudicca]

A lot of it's down to what kinda school you went to, what the teaching policies and admin policies were like, and when you went.

I think you've got it in one, Michael. I was lucky enough to attend one of the best private schools in Scotland, where any real physical violence (and in fact in a couple of cases even verbal taunts) would meet with a swift explusion. "Thanks" to that policy, the only bullying I ever experienced (with the exception of one never-repeated incident) was verbal.
But the problem with these more subtle forms of bullying is, there's less that you can do about it. What do you do when you walk up to a group of people and they all simply turn their backs on you? Apart from insisting that people stop ignoring you, and how do you do that successfully?
You might be the wittiest, sharpest person in the world - but if a class of kids have decided you are the saddest thing on earth because you came top of the class (or whatever), and simply will not interact with you - apart from the not-so-occasional taunt... can you make them? You cannot force people to be your friend.

I have mixed feelings about bullying. I experienced it -initially because of my academic performance, and later also because I started liking weird music and stuff - and without question it affected me profoundly. I missed quite a bit of school because of it, and it's only been since joining HL that I've been able to believe that anyone might actually like me. I feel terrible for any kid going through that. But at the same time I do feel that bullying is an inevitable part of the formation of social dynamics amongst human beings. There have always been, and I think will always be, kids (and adults) whose strengths are academic at the expense of their social skills. Extreme examples of this are things like Asperger's Syndrome... but these traits exist on a spectrum and I think your classic geek/inventor/professor type does possess a similar focussed ability with accompanying social difficulties or eccentricities.

It's just one personality type, no more or less valid than the social butterfly or smart-talking sort that always has a comeback ready. As someone whose social skills at times leave a lot to be desired, I can empathise with any tongue-tied kid who's getting slagged rotten and finds that any response he does manage to utter (no matter how smart it actually might be) just meets with howls of derision. I think, Iz, you're being a bit idealistic (and perhaps slightly blinded by your own positive experience) if you think that all bullies will respond to a witty retort. The ones I knew were not about to be converted by some back-chat. Believe me, I tried.

I also think it's pretty unfair to suggest that kids who have been blessed with an academic talent/being too tall or too short/an unfortunate face/insert other uncontrollable factor here, should have to be quicker and wittier than any other kid, in order to "talk the bullies under the table". The bullying may be, to some extent, inevitable - but to make out like it's a kid's at fault if they're not managing to fend them off is really quite simplistic.
Some people are just a bit socially awkward, shy and nervous people are not necessarily defective... they're just part of life's rich tapestry. Some of the nicest people I've ever met are just like that.

[boudicca]

I met up with her on Sunday evening, BTW. It was bloody fantastic - nearly a decade since we last saw each other and we were yakking away just like old times. Gave me a warm fuzzy

[Erudite]

I think you've got it in one, Michael. I was lucky enough to attend one of the best private schools in Scotland, where any real physical violence (and in fact in a couple of cases even verbal taunts) would meet with a swift explusion. "Thanks" to that policy, the only bullying I ever experienced (with the exception of one never-repeated incident) was verbal.
But the problem with these more subtle forms of bullying is, there's less that you can do about it. What do you do when you walk up to a group of people and they all simply turn their backs on you? Apart from insisting that people stop ignoring you, and how do you do that successfully?
You might be the wittiest, sharpest person in the world - but if a class of kids have decided you are the saddest thing on earth because you came top of the class (or whatever), and simply will not interact with you - apart from the not-so-occasional taunt... can you make them? You cannot force people to be your friend.

I have mixed feelings about bullying. I experienced it -initially because of my academic performance, and later also because I started liking weird music and stuff - and without question it affected me profoundly. I missed quite a bit of school because of it, and it's only been since joining HL that I've been able to believe that anyone might actually like me. I feel terrible for any kid going through that. But at the same time I do feel that bullying is an inevitable part of the formation of social dynamics amongst human beings. There have always been, and I think will always be, kids (and adults) whose strengths are academic at the expense of their social skills. Extreme examples of this are things like Asperger's Syndrome... but these traits exist on a spectrum and I think your classic geek/inventor/professor type does possess a similar focussed ability with accompanying social difficulties or eccentricities.

It's just one personality type, no more or less valid than the social butterfly or smart-talking sort that always has a comeback ready. As someone whose social skills at times leave a lot to be desired, I can empathise with any tongue-tied kid who's getting slagged rotten and finds that any response he does manage to utter (no matter how smart it actually might be) just meets with howls of derision. I think, Iz, you're being a bit idealistic (and perhaps slightly blinded by your own positive experience) if you think that all bullies will respond to a witty retort. The ones I knew were not about to be converted by some back-chat. Believe me, I tried.

I also think it's pretty unfair to suggest that kids who have been blessed with an academic talent/being too tall or too short/an unfortunate face/insert other uncontrollable factor here, should have to be quicker and wittier than any other kid, in order to "talk the bullies under the table". The bullying may be, to some extent, inevitable - but to make out like it's a kid's at fault if they're not managing to fend them off is really quite simplistic.
Some people are just a bit socially awkward, shy and nervous people are not necessarily defective... they're just part of life's rich tapestry. Some of the nicest people I've ever met are just like that.

Unfortunately, bullying doesn't begin and end at school.
Being a Goth in a small town in the late 80's / early 90's earned me a number of names (none of them flattering) and a few kickings from the other locals. So much so that I spent most of my teenage years carrying a rather large knife for protection. Fortunately, for me, I never had to use it, or my life might have turned out rather differently.
Twenty years on, little has changed, on a recent visit to Brechin some random idiot outside a pub felt the need to call me a "dirty hippy" and tell me I needed a shave and a haircut. Have to wonder if I was 6' 5" and built like a brick shit-house if he'd have felt the same burning need to comment. I'd like to say I ignored it and walked on, but the truth is it hurt. Sometimes it feels like I'm still a child.
So yeah, I don't make friends easily and I trust even fewer people.

I'm probably going to really regret sharing this, but never mind.
Heartland - it's cheaper than therapy!

[sziamiau]

since I lived in too many places, I keep in touch with my friends and old classmates on myspace.

facebook is more professional since lots of ex colleagues and students are there.

linkedin is all professional. no playing there

[mh]

I met up with her on Sunday evening, BTW. It was bloody fantastic - nearly a decade since we last saw each other and we were yakking away just like old times. Gave me a warm fuzzy

Smashing stuff, good to hear that!

[Big Si]

boudicca erudite

I have to say that since being employed to "demand money with menaces" i've learnt a great deal on how to 'interact with and communicate to' the general public. 'The strangers' who've got in touch via Facebook have been extremely surprised at my career choice since they last knew me 10+ years ago.

[James Blast]

Unfortunately, bullying doesn't begin and end at school.

All too true Don and the cause of my illness can be laid firmly at the door of the woman I called HellBitchBoss - between 2004 and 2007, I was bullied by my boss. I lost my health, a colleague lost his job and almost his marriage, house and kids. We didn't have proper union representation (but that's another story) or none of the above would have happened.
There is a slightly happy ending to my tale as HellBitch's face didn't fit in the 'last' restructure and it was pushed out the door, albeit with a reasonably handsome pay-off.
I believe it has a new job and lives an happy life.

I wish it and its family nothing but ill.

[Erudite]

All too true Don and the cause of my illness can be laid firmly at the door of the woman I called HellBitchBoss - between 2004 and 2007, I was bullied by my boss. I lost my health, a colleague lost his job and almost his marriage, house and kids. We didn't have proper union representation (but that's another story) or none of the above would have happened.
There is a slightly happy ending to my tale as HellBitch's face didn't fit in the 'last' restructure and it was pushed out the door, albeit with a reasonably handsome pay-off.
I believe it has a new job and lives an happy life.

I wish it and its family nothing but ill.

I've had a couple of work run-ins too, but thankfully never to that degree.

[Bartek]

i just want to add - because everyone wants to know my opinion about this - i still don't get phenomena of facebook.

curtain fall.

[DeWinter]

I seem to remember all the nasty bastards at my school weren't huge and muscle bound, but about two foot tall and psychotic..

Part of the point of schooling is to prepare you for the real world, and you'll encounter plenty of violence, bad language, and hurtful behaviour, with the added sting that no-ones that sympathetic if you report it.

Oddest thing I've found is that ostracising, name-calling, and rumour-spreading are still as popular as ever in any office with a lot of women in it.

[markfiend]

Unfortunately, bullying doesn't begin and end at school.

All too true Don and the cause of my illness can be laid firmly at the door of the woman I called HellBitchBoss.

Aye, my former "boss from hell" was a bully too. Had a nasty nickname for everyone (behind their back), didn't think there was anything wrong with it either.

[GC]

Facebook - Terrible. Recently an ex girlfriend that I was kinda still in 'love' with got in touch with me. After a few years of chatting we decided to meet up, luckily before I went she sent a picture. My motto since then is definetely " let sleeping dogs lie "(pardon the pun). It not only made me feel s**t about not going to see her, but it also made me feel kinda sick for pining after her for so may years and destroyed any nice memories.

Bullying - Got bullied and I think I also bullied others (feel s**t about it). But is 'nt that just how school/life/nature is. Does n't everybody do it to some degree?

Well that's my past feel much better now

[Dark]

I got bullied. Apparently it was a rarity for a guy to come out (or be made to by someone he thought was a friend ) as bisexual, and NOT be stereotypically camp.

I got support from the vast majority in my year, but people in the year below were utter c**t about it. To the point that after a year or so, I ran off crying to my German teacher, to whom I will remain forever grateful, because I knew she was the one adult who would never judge me.

Things changed when I moved schools for sixth form. Going into a state school, with a totally new atmosphere, I made it my mission to become a stronger person.
Same with uni, moving away to where nobody knows you, it's easier to put across a better, stronger, image and then try and live up to it.

For what it's worth, confidence has improved. Yesterday I walked up to Maryhill in a velvet skirt and purple tee, tomorrow I will be dancing alone to Motown records at a club night. But f**k them. If they want to have a shot at me, my boots are always willing to "talk".

[markfiend]

confidence has improved

I think this is the crux of the matter, confidence is the key.

People with low self-confidence are more likely to be targets for bullying, which in turn lowers self-confidence which...

Vicious circle.

[Big Si]

For what it's worth, confidence has improved. Yesterday I walked up to Maryhill in a velvet skirt and purple tee, tomorrow I will be dancing alone to Motown records at a club night. But f**k them. If they want to have a shot at me, my boots are always willing to "talk".

They've seen it all before mate.

[James Blast]

Dark said butt fuck heh hehhhheh hehhhh....

[Big Si]

Dark said butt fuck heh hehhhheh hehhhh....

[James Blast]

heheheh hehhhh hheeehhhhh

[Pista]

Not planning to go there.
They sell your details?
Is that right?

fcuk that for a game of soldiers.

[Being645]

Won't go there, either ... anyway.

[Izzy HaveMercy]

Comment number 88 on the blog-post I linked:

Wow. "But I think that it was slightly worse than average" Broken fingers only slightly worse than average? Dude... I thought I had my time at school bad.

Let me tell you something. One of my first reactions back when I heard about the Columbine shootings was sympathy for the shooters -- I'm sure one of the main reasons for that was that they were bullied; I certainly remember having those kind of violent revenge fantasies while at school.

Indeed I sometimes wonder, if I'd been able to find a gun, whether I'd have done something similar myself. For that reason if no other, I'm glad for our gun-control laws (I'm in the UK). I certainly took knives to school, but fortunately never used one.

The fact that the guys who bullied me probably don't realise now what they did then doesn't really help. The only thing that helps is knowing that that time is in the past, and it's damn-well staying there. I certainly won't be going to any reunions.

People like this make me really, really scared. You cannot support that quote, please Mark?

Maybe it is a Belgian thing again, most of the people I know had a moderate to very good time at school.

Now, I've seen a documentary once about a Wallon school, and had some reports from exchange students, which is quite the opposite of the Flemish schools. So when you decide to send your children here for a good schooltime, it's the upper part of Belgium, remember.

IZ.

[Nadia81]

I think anyone who was lucky enough not to have experienced being bullied may have a difficult time imagining how bad it can be.At my school,There was a short,slight boy who wore a somewhat unattractive pair of glasses.Every day,every single day,several times a day,One of a group of boys would slap him across the face for the "sport" of seeing how far the glasses would fly down the corridor. I was not surprised by the Columbine shootings.

[GC]

Comment number 88 on the blog-post I linked:

Wow. "But I think that it was slightly worse than average" Broken fingers only slightly worse than average? Dude... I thought I had my time at school bad.

Let me tell you something. One of my first reactions back when I heard about the Columbine shootings was sympathy for the shooters -- I'm sure one of the main reasons for that was that they were bullied; I certainly remember having those kind of violent revenge fantasies while at school.

Indeed I sometimes wonder, if I'd been able to find a gun, whether I'd have done something similar myself. For that reason if no other, I'm glad for our gun-control laws (I'm in the UK). I certainly took knives to school, but fortunately never used one.

The fact that the guys who bullied me probably don't realise now what they did then doesn't really help. The only thing that helps is knowing that that time is in the past, and it's damn-well staying there. I certainly won't be going to any reunions.

People like this make me really, really scared. You cannot support that quote, please Mark?

Maybe it is a Belgian thing again, most of the people I know had a moderate to very good time at school.

Now, I've seen a documentary once about a Wallon school, and had some reports from exchange students, which is quite the opposite of the Flemish schools. So when you decide to send your children here for a good schooltime, it's the upper part of Belgium, remember.

IZ.

Britain is the worst place to raise your children in the Western world. Unicef and the world poverty (something or other) did a survey. This is quite a ridiculous state seeing that Britain was also one of the richest countries surveys. Holland came out as best by the way.