2003-01-24

[hallucienate]

Last year some person posted an online petition
suggesting that the
name "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" was
intentionally offensive
to the memory of 9/11...

Though the owner of the petition spent most of the
first half of the
year voiding 'false' responses, eventually he gave
up after about the
first 1000 signatures (a.k.a. smart-ass remarks),
but people keep
posting --

there are currently about 3600 signatures, of which
about 2000 are
sarcastic...
below is the original petition, and just a
smattering of some of the
replies:

To: Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema

Those of us who have seen The Lord of the Rings:
The Fellowship of the
Ring know what an amazing director Peter Jackson is.
When I learned that
there apparently was to be a sequel, I was
overjoyed. However, Peter
Jackson has decided to tastelessly name the sequel
"The Two Towers". The
title is clearly meant to refer to the attacks on
the World Trade
Center. In this post-September 11 world, it is
unforgiveable that this
should be allowed to happen. The idea is both
offensive and morally
repugnant. Hopefully, when Peter Jackson and, more
importantly, New Line
Cinema see the number of signatures on this
petition, the title will be
changed to something a little more sensitive.

Sincerely, The Undersigned

818. C. Hart
I think it would be best, in light of recent
events, if the film was
simply not shown at all. And by "recent events" I
mean "that f *&%ing
awful first Lord of the Rings film."

1076. Sigmund Wonder
Oh thank you so much for this. Those shameless
moneymongers care for
nothing but themselves. Baby Jesus cries every day
because of them.
Every single day. Could you please start a petition
to stop those
fascist police from using 911 as their phone number
too? That is also
something that bothers me.

1102. Paul
They have no sensitivity, i wont even let my two
twin kids stand next
to each other out of respect for 9/11.

1183. Lionel Hutz
I myself am a big Elvis fan, and if they name the
third film after the
book title "Return of the King" i will start my own
petition....

1181. LordBunion
I think that Mr Peter Jenkins is an insensitive
bastard. He should be
deported to New Zealand or something.

1177. Melkor
It is equally disrespectful that some people still
have the nerve to
use matching pairs of shoes.

1172. Joseph Minkock
How about changing it to: "Frodo's Hilarious
Journey"?

1225. Hamm Hurabi
I demand that the number two no longer be used!

1290. Nigel Morris
I already boycotted The Lord of the Rings because
of its obvious
reference to hard, thrusting, dirty anal sex. And
rings.

1346. burt convy's nipples
Yes, this exploitative Tolkien fellow should
develop TV programs for
Fox. I say change the next movie to *honor* the
event: something like
"Frodo, the Littlest Fireman."

1387. Ashton Kushner
I think it should be renamed "Dude, where's my
precious?"

1444. Hugh Jorgan
May I suggest the name be changed to The
Double-Headed Phallus of Doom?


1443. olly
I'll sign anything.

1434. William Shatner
I think Jackson's choice of title is shocking and
offensive. Two new
buildings were recently constructed in my home town,
but we managed to
have them demolished and the offenders removed from
society.

1422. Ajax Cortina
While you're at it, let's ban the number 11.
Everytime I see it, I cry.


1405. Pass
I believe Twins should be banned from entering
Tower Records stores.

[Quiff Boy]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking
down the street and pass a
flower shop, where the redhead happens to see
her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is
buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says,
"You don't like getting
flowers from your boyfriend?"
The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but
he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel
like spending the next three
days on my back with my legs in the air ."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?..."

[Quiff Boy]

Bomb Iraq
(To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it...")

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it'all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

[James Blast]

this is soooo damn good it deserves to got to the top of the JOTD list IMO of course

Blast

[zigeunerweisen]

Read it before, read it again, and it's still great