The Great Heartland Biscuit Thread™

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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Pista
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I always found that digestives were the most prone to "sludgeing" up the bottom of the cup unless you bought the chocolate ones. Those would hold up a but better & the chocolate would melt ever so slightly & you could lick it off the biccy.
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elamanamou
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Swinnow wrote:Hobnobs are terrible dunkees too.
Yorkshire tea and bone china!! Lol
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EmmaPeelWannaBe
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EvilBastard wrote:
Pista wrote:You've put a lot of thought into this EB
:lol:
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I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
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abridged wrote:I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
:eek:
I see your point. No excuse for not pouring vodka on cereal
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emilystrange
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chocolate biscuits should not be dunked! waaah! hot sludgey chocolate is a travesty. the stuff should be revered, not tortured.

any cream sandwich biscuits are the devil's work.

digestives are dunking royalty. malted milks and Nice ones also reasonable. hobnobs are too bitty for just about anything! like eating cardboard with pebbles in it.

non dunkable lovelies - chocolate digestives, shorties, jaffa cakes, butter crunch and ginger nuts. you can't really dunk TUC or ritz either.
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mh
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abridged wrote:I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
This, people, is the man who drinks Guinness with blackcurrant. I think we all know how much credibility he has.
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mh wrote:
abridged wrote:I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
This, people, is the man who drinks Guinness with blackcurrant. I think we all know how much credibility he has.
:lol: :notworthy:
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Swinnow
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As any fule kno Guinness can be hugely improved by the addition of a large Tia Maria to a pint of the aforementioned. :wink:
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EvilBastard wrote:
3. Hybrid Biscuits. TimTams, Penguins, Club, Wagon Wheels, Yorkie, Jaffa Cakes.
Point of order. Are jaffa cakes biscuits? :)
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Swinnow
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Terrible for dunking whatever aisle they stock them on in the Asda.
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abridged wrote:I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
and exactly what are you meant to have on your cereal then???
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So what's the verdict on mini gems then?

*asking for a friend* ....ahem..... :oops:
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EvilBastard
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Pista wrote:So what's the verdict on mini gems then?

*asking for a friend* ....ahem..... :oops:
Undunkable, unless you want to get your fingers in the tea. Do not qualify as True Biscuits, and can therefore be fobbed on on Americans And Other Foreign Types who don't know any better.
Pista wrote:Point of order. Are jaffa cakes biscuits?
Not according to the VAT Tribunal, who ruled that not only are they called cakes but are also sufficiently dissimilar to biscuits as to be allowed to be zero-VAT rated.

Despite being a hybrid, The Great British Council On Partial Biscuit Submergence (Tea-Time Working Party) ruled during the 1987 To Dunk Or Not To Dunk conference that "the dunking of Jaffa Cakes is permissible so long as the dunk is not prolonged to the point at which either (a) the cake layer disintegrates, or (b) the chocolate layer melts to the point at which the yummy orangey bit slides off the cake and into the dunker's tea."

The Council however voted down a motion put forward by the Revolutionary Dunker's Party, a militant splinter group, that dunkers who fail to take such precautions as may be necessary to avoid these tea-time disasters should be labeled revisionists and counter-revolutionaries and should be exiled to the outer wastes where the only tea available is in powdered form and the only biscuits are Pink Wafers.

And yes, I have put a lot of thought into this. The subject of Biscuits, and the dunking thereof, is Serious Business, and is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of gods.
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Pista wrote:I see your point. No excuse for not pouring vodka on cereal
Tried that with Weetabix. Not recommended.
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Microcosmia
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Can I be slightly controversial here (in the vein of the "scone" debate) and ask how people pronounce Nice as in the biscuit?

In our house it was always pronounced "niece" after the French city but lots of people call them "nice" as in pleasant. I struggle with this as I don't think they're all that nice anyway, they tend to be the ones left uneaten in the tin of assorted biscuits
Last edited by Microcosmia on 14 Mar 2017, 22:44, edited 3 times in total.
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Swinnow
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In the old family home on the Wirral it was 'niece' biscuits, and, yeah, they were amongst the ones left untouched after Christmas.

Not unusual to find similar pronunciations in Ireland and Merseyland though is it, I mean Liverpool is the capital of Ireland isn't it lol
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Microcosmia
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Swinnow wrote:In the old family home on the Wirral it was 'niece' biscuits, and, yeah, they were amongst the ones left untouched after Christmas.

Not unusual to find similar pronunciations in Ireland and Merseyland though is it, I mean Liverpool is the capital of Ireland isn't it lol
Yes major links between Liverpool and Dublin in particular ! I came across this link explaining differences in pronunciation (basically Dublin vs. the rest of the country) http://www.dailyedge.ie/nice-biscuit-pr ... 7-Jan2014/

I'm so glad somebody took the trouble :lol:
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My mum still rolls out the story of when I was a small child in Chadderton Asda and she asked me what biscuits I'd like. "Nice ones" I replied, pronouncing it to rhyme with ice. "But which ones?" she said. Repeat several timed until I said "The ones with nice written on them".

etc
My how we laughed.

I always call them Ni(e)ce now.
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What the bloody hell is all this nonsense! :lol:
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Okay. Finally found the Tim Tam Slam video :D
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EvilBastard
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Apparently the correct pronunciation of Nice rhymes with ice, lice, and (if you come from the Home Counties) house. Presumably because truth in advertising was unheard of back when the things were invented. Terrible dunking - sub-second terminal absorption, they add too much sugar to the beverage and you really don't want to have to try to get the dried coconutty sludge out of the mug if you happen to leave it out without rinsing it.

I'm starting a campaign, Nice People Don't Eat Nice Biscuits - stay tuned for the GoFundMe link.
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Pista wrote:Okay. Finally found the Tim Tam Slam video :D
Without wishing to lower the tone in any way shape or form, I just want to go on record as being more than willing to slam Natalie Imbruglia's TimTam any time she wants. ;D
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mh wrote:
abridged wrote:I'm a reasonable person. I can take war, horror, torture in my stride but it has to be the scorpion pits for anybody that dunks their biscuits. :evil: And that goes for people who take cold milk on their cereal also! :urff:
This, people, is the man who drinks Guinness with blackcurrant. I think we all know how much credibility he has.
I would have thought that I would be safe enough on an (ahem) goth forum with my blackcurrant fetishism... :wink:

And dosen't our ahem beloved leader put HOT milk on cornflakes? A man of distinction... :notworthy:
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