The Great Heartland Biscuit Thread™

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17629
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:

My weekly shopping list has taken an unusually biscuity turn.
Kit Kats now added.
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days

TheCureCommunity
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:

Pista wrote:My weekly shopping list has taken an unusually biscuity turn.
Kit Kats now added.
For non dunking purposes Fruit Shortcake is great! :wink: Just imagine the ancient and dignified tea ceremony and then someone dunks whatever the equivalent of a digestive is in Japan...
The Chancer Corporation
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17629
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:

abridged wrote:
Pista wrote:My weekly shopping list has taken an unusually biscuity turn.
Kit Kats now added.
For non dunking purposes Fruit Shortcake is great! :wink: Just imagine the ancient and dignified tea ceremony and then someone dunks whatever the equivalent of a digestive is in Japan...
Not a fan of fruity biccies.
I think that partly due to my mum raising me to believe Garibaldis really had squashed flies in them
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days

TheCureCommunity
User avatar
UnnaturalDisaster
Road Kill
Posts: 94
Joined: 22 Feb 2017, 14:03
Location: Leicestershire
Contact:

Pista wrote:My weekly shopping list has taken an unusually biscuity turn.
Kit Kats now added.
Have you ever witnessed anyone just taking a big bite out of a four-finger Kit-Kat rather than breaking off a finger at a time? It's positively distressing.
"This is Jenny. She's the family sadist."
User avatar
ruffers
Overbomber
Posts: 2677
Joined: 24 Jan 2005, 16:43
Location: Leeds of all places

Sorry about that.
Chucking another log on
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:

Always thought it would be the m*****n/Sisters schism that would tear the forum apart but it is going to be biccie etiquette that does it. :wink:
The Chancer Corporation
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17629
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:

abridged wrote:Always thought it would be the m*****n/Sisters schism that would tear the forum apart but it is going to be biccie etiquette that does it. :wink:
:lol:
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days

TheCureCommunity
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

I don't mind a fruity biccie, but only when the mood is right and certainly not for dunking. Mind you, the exception is a fruit club which is an abomination to my eyes, an abomination I tell you.

And I speak as one of the chosen who can groove happily, in an admittedly dad dancing way nowadays, to both the Mish and the Girls.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
iesus
Overbomber
Posts: 4455
Joined: 15 Mar 2006, 11:15
Location: x-EU

macarons count as biscuits?

Image
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17629
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:

iesus wrote:macarons count as biscuits?

Image
Oh gawd, my shopping list needs extending....again.
I might even bake this week now
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days

TheCureCommunity
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

We had foie gras macarons, weird huh, but a delightful error made during a shopping trip to Salut in the Dordogne by the then Ms Swinnow. We felt very decadent scoffing them with a fine red by our gites' pool while watching the French version of the Red Arrows throw their shapes in the sky above us. Swinnow Jnr was a bit scared when his Mum told him that they weren't our Air Force lol
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
Microcosmia
Gonzoid Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 363
Joined: 28 Oct 2015, 02:22
Location: Dublin

Swinnow wrote:We had foie gras macarons, weird huh, but a delightful error made during a shopping trip to Salut in the Dordogne by the then Ms Swinnow. We felt very decadent scoffing them with a fine red by our gites' pool while watching the French version of the Red Arrows throw their shapes in the sky above us. Swinnow Jnr was a bit scared when his Mum told him that they weren't our Air Force loll

I must remember this strategy in case we're ever invaded, it would surely confound the enemy.
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

Microcosmia wrote:I must remember this strategy in case we're ever invaded, it would surely confound the enemy.
I believe there is an English invasion of Dublin planned for this weekend, your pubs may take a hammering lol.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17629
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:

Swinnow wrote:
Microcosmia wrote:I must remember this strategy in case we're ever invaded, it would surely confound the enemy.
I believe there is an English invasion of Dublin planned for this weekend, your pubs may take a hammering lol.
Take biscuits. LOTS of them :twisted:
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days

TheCureCommunity
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3934
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

iesus wrote:macarons count as biscuits?
Yes, these fall under Category #3: Hybrids. Since these are technically 2 biscuits, with a filling adhering Biscuit A to Biscuit B (see diagram 143 in your Biscuit Recognition Manual*), masquerading as a single biscuit, these are classified in the same group as Oreos, Wagon Wheels, and the like.

*What do yew mean, "I wasn't issued with a Biscuit Recognition Manual, sarn't-major"? Yew 'orrible little man! Ow exactly did yew suppose yew were goin to pass Basic Field Identification of Biscuits, Teacakes, Scones, and Muffins without referring to the Manual? This book is your best friend, my lad - without it, ow do yew know if the sound yew ear a-comin through the morning mists is a raiding party of Lincolns intent on ambushing yew and your mates, turning yew into Very Sorry Squaddies Indeed, or the Jammy Dodgers coming to relieve your position?
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

It'll be OK 'cos the locals call them 'niece' biscuits too, language difficulties have been avoided.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
Microcosmia
Gonzoid Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 363
Joined: 28 Oct 2015, 02:22
Location: Dublin

Pista wrote:
Swinnow wrote:
Microcosmia wrote:I must remember this strategy in case we're ever invaded, it would surely confound the enemy.
I believe there is an English invasion of Dublin planned for this weekend, your pubs may take a hammering lol.
Take biscuits. LOTS of them :twisted:
I'd best study this then :D http://www.dailyedge.ie/irish-biscuits- ... ?jrnl_lg=1

Did you know that May 29th is National Biscuit Day? And how could I forget that the next worst biscuit after Nice is surely Polo.... :lol:
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

Oh heck, tea cakes could start another war.... Can you believe that, despite my many years of missionary work in the semi civilised bits of West Yorkshire, the locals still insist the tea cakes do not contain currants, heathens.

Don't get me started on custard slices, please.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3934
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

Swinnow wrote:Oh heck, tea cakes could start another war.... Can you believe that, despite my many years of missionary work in the semi civilised bits of West Yorkshire, the locals still insist the tea cakes do not contain currants, heathens.

Don't get me started on custard slices, please.
Surely a fruitless teacake is...a muffin? Possibly a pikelet.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

Nope, in Leeds a fruitless tea cake is called a tea cake rather than a bap, balm or bread cake. A similar item containing one of your five-a-day is, excitingly, named a currant tea cake. Typical Yorkshire bloody mindedness if you ask me.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3934
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

Swinnow wrote:Nope, in Leeds a fruitless tea cake is called a tea cake rather than a bap, balm or bread cake. A similar item containing one of your five-a-day is, excitingly, named a currant tea cake. Typical Yorkshire bloody mindedness if you ask me.
Hold on - surely a bap is synonymous with farl, barmcake, and bread roll? A conveyance for a sandwich, typically not sweet - the Murton Bakery on Cardigan Road used to sell a ham salad bap, a good 6-8" across, stuffed full of goodies.

While a fruitless teacake isn't baplike, since it's flat, you can't stuff it, and if you were prepared to toast a bap then I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to step outside.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

I have knowledge of food outlets on Cardigan Rd and surrounding streets lol. The 6"-8" size is impressive and this would lead to my Geordie friends bringing stotties to the table.

But surely both fruit bearing tea cakes and the barren variety are essentially bap like in shape. They are flat on the bottom and slightly domed on the top.

I do agree that toasting a bap is a waste of electricity.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
Swinnow
Overbomber
Posts: 3551
Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 08:51
Location: In the Gazebo Of Badness, just outside BD3

Talking of bap sellers in Leeds, I do recommend Woodends butchers on the Otley Rd in Adel (near the Lawnswood pub), though get there early before the local bizzies descend on shift change and empty their larder.
....if I have to explain, then you'll never understand....
User avatar
UnnaturalDisaster
Road Kill
Posts: 94
Joined: 22 Feb 2017, 14:03
Location: Leicestershire
Contact:

Swinnow wrote:Nope, in Leeds a fruitless tea cake is called a tea cake rather than a bap, balm or bread cake.
I've spent a good five minutes wrestling with the idea of a fruitless tea cake... though even they can't be such a brazen slap in the face to the good name of tea cakes as these revolting things:

Image
"This is Jenny. She's the family sadist."
User avatar
Alex66
Gonzoid Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 271
Joined: 25 Mar 2015, 09:06
Location: Ne Where Every Where
Contact:

UnnaturalDisaster wrote:
Swinnow wrote:Nope, in Leeds a fruitless tea cake is called a tea cake rather than a bap, balm or bread cake.
I've spent a good five minutes wrestling with the idea of a fruitless tea cake... though even they can't be such a brazen slap in the face to the good name of tea cakes as these revolting things:

Image
I like them, now I may go to the 24hr Supermarket to get some, well we are low on bread and I do fancy some other biscuits. Just don't feel like going out at the moment.
The illiterate of the future will not be the man who cannot read the alphabet, but the one who cannot take a photograph. - Walter Benjamin
Driver powered by Cigarettes, Caffeine and Vitriol
Post Reply