Newsworthy continued: EEEEEEEENINp'ts!

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
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Charlie
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Pista wrote:Don't you just hate when you get home to find 20,000 bees living in your car?
:eek: :eek: :eek:
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Swinnow
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Pista wrote:Don't you just hate when you get home to find 20,000 bees living in your car?
Erm yeah, did you see which way Pudsey managed to vote? There must be 20,000 b's here lol :wink:
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EvilBastard
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Charlie wrote:
Pista wrote:Don't you just hate when you get home to find 20,000 bees living in your car?
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Mrs Taylor wrote:I did ask 'why pick on my car?' but my husband, who is a bit of a joker, said it was because of all the Bee Gees CDs in the car.
Dad Joke (tm) FTW!

:lol: :lol:
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markfiend
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Big fire in London. Blimey. :sad:
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Charlie
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markfiend wrote:Big fire in London. Blimey. :sad:
Tragic. We should not be having fires like this these days, it's more like a scene from 'The Towering Inferno' than real life.
Six people confirmed dead, i rather think sadly that number is going to go way up. :(
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UniversalRinging
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Awful news day. Fire and two mass shootings among other tragedies. Really puts a spotlight on the failings of current laws and regulations.
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Charlie
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Another terrorist attack this time against Muslims, i was afraid this sort of retaliation would happen. Awful :(
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markfiend
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Charlie wrote:Six people confirmed dead, i rather think sadly that number is going to go way up. :(
There are rumours that the government has served a D-Notice to suppress the actual death toll.

The figures don't add up. 58 dead, 70 in hospital, approximately 200 rehoused... but there were about 600 people or more in the building.
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Pista
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Ever stolen a traffic cone on a drunken night out?
Pffft. Amateurs!
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nowayjose
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markfiend wrote: The figures don't add up. 58 dead, 70 in hospital, approximately 200 rehoused... but there were about 600 people or more in the building.
600 seems a bit high for 120 flats...
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EvilBastard
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nowayjose wrote:
markfiend wrote: The figures don't add up. 58 dead, 70 in hospital, approximately 200 rehoused... but there were about 600 people or more in the building.
600 seems a bit high for 120 flats...
It's not too much of a stretch. There were 227 bedrooms, so assuming 2 people per bedroom that's 454 people. If 1 person in 3 had a single guest over, that's 151 additional people - 605. Could have been a party that ran late, maybe they had a friend kipping on the sofa. Or it was an unofficial sublet - rent out your 1-bed flat to 3 or 4 people, students, Air B&B, people working low-pay jobs in the service sector. That's the thing - no-one really knows how many people were actually living in the building, and how many were at home at the time. It's going to be a while before they get a definitive number, but 600 people in a 24-storey block doesn't seem unrealistic.
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Swinnow
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Pista wrote:Ever stolen a traffic cone on a drunken night? Pffft. Amateurs
When we were students we once 'found' a set of temporary traffic lights on the way home from the Eagle Tavern in Leeds lol.

That pub's AC/DC scrumpy was lethal and well worth a trip east of the student ghetto of Woodhouse/Burley. We never got them to work as our band's lighting rig either :innocent:
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EvilBastard
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Swinnow wrote:
Pista wrote:Ever stolen a traffic cone on a drunken night? Pffft. Amateurs
When we were students we once 'found' a set of temporary traffic lights on the way home from the Eagle Tavern in Leeds lol.

That pub's AC/DC scrumpy was lethal and well worth a trip east of the student ghetto of Woodhouse/Burley. We never got them to work as our band's lighting rig either :innocent:
We were coming back to Leeds from a trip to Scotland, 8 student divers in the back of a minibus, the floor covered in cylinders. On the motorway there's a tailback, and there's one of those temporary lights shining on a traffic sign. You know the ones - big effing thing attached to a gas bottle, blazing with the brightness of a thousand suns. One of those. We're stopped in the right lane, traffic stalled for miles.

Let's nick it.

So a couple of us hopped out the back of the bus, onto the median, grabbed the bottle with the light on it and struggled it into back of the bus. Shining with the brightness of a thousand suns.

What we hadn't reckoned on was...there's no off-switch. You need a little key or something. So there's this minibus with 3 billion candlepower of light pouring out of it. We're getting a tan just sitting there.

By now we've moved on a bit, so we're past putting it back by the traffic sign. And oh fuck the traffic is starting to clear. We can't stop in the right-hand lane, we can't move across the the hard shoulder and dump it because there's still a lot of cars.

So we're pootling along, maybe 20, 25mph, a blue minibus with 8 student divers, shining with the brightness of a thousand suns. A bit further on we slide back into the middle lane - right, things are looking up. Get past the next exit, get onto the inside, pull over onto the hard shoulder and dump the fucker. Job done.

Then, looking out the back window, we see something flashing. Something blue. Something blue, flashing, and attached to a white Range Rover with big orange squares on the side. They seem quite keen to attract our attention. Quick, throw a jacket over the lamp, maybe they won't see it.

A fleece jacket covers a thing shining brighter than a thousand suns. Doesn't exactly conceal it.

The blue flashing lights get closer. And closer. Then they're behind us, and the siren blips.

We move to the inside lane, and onto the shoulder. The blue flashing lights pull up behind us. Oh fuck.

A yellow flak jacket emerges, and comes to the driver's side. "Evening sir."

Evening officer.

"And where are you heading to this evening?"

Back to Leeds Poly.

"Were you aware, sir, that there appears to be a very bright light emanating from the rear of your vehicle, and it's distracting other road users?"

Really? No, that's certainly news to us, officer. A bright light, you say?

"Yes, it appears that your minibus is transporting a portable sun of some description. Mind if I take a look?"

Please, be my guest.

Copper comes round to the back, opens the door. 8 student divers, 20 air tanks, and a big fuck-off gas cylinder attached to something shining brighter than a thousand suns.

"Oh, that's what it is. Sergeant - come and give me a hand with this."

They wrestle the lamp out the back and set it on the side of the road. One of them gets something out of his pocket and manages to turn it off.

"That's the thing, lads - you need a special key to turn these on and off. Now, if I catch you on my motorway again I'm going to have you all for theft, vandalism, and anything else I can think of. I've got your number. Now fuck off."

And off we jolly-well fucked.

Postscript: it was the poly minibus, and so it wasn't just used by us. 3 weeks later the hockey club, a bigger bunch of arseholes and tw@s you never met in your life, borrowed it. And they were stopped. By the same copper. And they were arseholes. And they got to spend the night in Armley nick. And they were banned from using the minibus again. Result, I reckon.
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Swinnow
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Bloody hell Leeds Poly had a hockey club????? They say you should learn summat everyday x
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EvilBastard wrote: Postscript: it was the poly minibus, and so it wasn't just used by us. 3 weeks later the hockey club, a bigger bunch of arseholes and tw@s you never met in your life, borrowed it. And they were stopped. By the same copper. And they were arseholes. And they got to spend the night in Armley nick. And they were banned from using the minibus again. Result, I reckon.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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markfiend
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nowayjose wrote:600 seems a bit high for 120 flats...
Not for inner-London council flats.

They had the poor bastards rammed in there like sardines.
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"I like that one. It's pretty. I'll take it."

"But Mr Wardek...."

"I said I like THAT ONE!"
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iesus
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Meanwhile in Norway
'Are we the Baddies?'...
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Charlie
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So today was international sunglasses day.
Still time to join in, pick a pair and strike your best :von: pose.
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Pista
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'Tis but a scratch. Pint anyone?
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Charlie
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Pista wrote:'Tis but a scratch. Pint anyone?
He doesn't seem at all bothered does he! :lol: Reminds me of that guy off The Fast Show if anyone remembers that

'...so took myself off for a nice quiet pint down the Purple Turtle , got hit by a bus and thrown across the road......which was nice...'
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Pista
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Charlie wrote:
Pista wrote:'Tis but a scratch. Pint anyone?
He doesn't seem at all bothered does he! :lol: Reminds me of that guy off The Fast Show if anyone remembers that

'...so took myself off for a nice quiet pint down the Purple Turtle , got hit by a bus and thrown across the road......which was nice...'
There does seem to be a purple theme to the story huh? :lol:
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iesus
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Purple Bus, purple turtle pub...
I suppose he ordered a purple moose's finest like Dark Side of the Moose or Glaslyn Ale :innocent: :urff:
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
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Charlie
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iesus wrote:Purple Bus, purple turtle pub...
I suppose he ordered a purple moose's finest like Dark Side of the Moose or Glaslyn Ale :innocent: :urff:
Surely such an aptly named pub would specialise in the old purple guinness! :innocent:
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iesus
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Angela Merkel leads coalition against Trump's regime :roll: :urff:
'Are we the Baddies?'...
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"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
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