The Great Heartland Biscuit Thread™

[Microcosmia]

That's a shame, his old friend Sinead was only recently expressing concerns about the continuity of supply of Jammie Dodgers from November 1st.

[Swinnow]

Perhap's he's over here filling his boot with supplies for Sinead in case the buggers get their way on Oct 31st.

[EvilBastard]

Would there be a role (roll?) in this caper for a shades wearing rockstar type?An international man of mystery who has seen it all while having a quiet smoke outside venues just about everywhere and who probably knows the people who know what really happened to the iced gems.The sort that might leave cryptic clues strategically placed in lyrics or on band merch...

Grey stepped into the alley from the club's side-door, his mind still reeling from what he'd seen. While he'd long heard rumours that Kat Kitson's tastes ran to niche even his fertile imagination could not have conceived of the debauchery which he had witnessed, nor the rogues' gallery of characters involved - he had recognised at least 4 cabinet ministers, 3 heads of foreign states, the CEOs of a dozen blue-chip companies and a famously-virginal aged pop star engaged in acts which could have been inspired by the quill of de Sade.

As his brain sought to process these sights Grey became aware that he was not alone. Instantly alert, he side-stepped out of the puddle of light cast by the dim bulb above the door and into the shadows, scanning the alley for signs of an assailant. From an unlit doorway opposite a thin stream of cigarette smoke drifted in the light breeze.

"Ok, chummy," said Grey, addressing the unseen figure. "It's been a long fucking day and an even longer fucking night, I'm fucking tired, but if you want your bollocks stamping then step out here and we'll get it over with."

The response was a rasping chuckle. "You're Grey, right."

"Depends who's asking."

"No-one's asking - it wasn't a question."

"Listen, old son - I'm tired and all I want to do is go home. If you've got something to say then step out here and say it. Otherwise sling your hook."

Another rasping chuckle. Grey saw the glowing end of the cigarette fall to the pavement before it was ground under the toe of a heavy-looking boot. A short, slim figure emerged, its head as bald as a cue ball, with a beard that could have had its own postcode. Despite the darkness of the alley the figure's eyes were shielded by a pair of dark sunglasses.
"Hey now, hey now now - there's no need to be like that. I'm on your side, insomuch as I have a side. You're looking for Becker, and it looks like you're getting close enough to get some people in expensive suits rattled. I like that.

You don't believe me. I get it. Why should you? In answer to that question, let me ask another: when you found Tamray, was there anything in his left hand?"

Grey froze. Not only had the press not been notified that the famous Australian choclatier, Tim Tamray, had been found brutally bludgeoned to death in his Docklands flat, but that he had indeed been holding something in his left hand - a single blue M&M.

"Did you kill him?" asked Grey.

"No, I didn't kill him. But I'll help you find the man who did."

[ROBBIE]

Perhaps we could have Mr EB reading extracts of the new novel as support on the 40th anniversary tour 🙃

[Microcosmia]

Perhaps we could have Mr EB reading extracts of the new novel as support on the 40th anniversary tour 🙃

Now there's an idea.

Maybe the big reveal of the whodunnit could be kept for the aftershow party.

[EmmaPeelWannaBe]

a slight change of subject but am need of some advice from this august body.

Back at home from the Roundhouse gigs and need to bring the traditional post holiday treats to my (hated) work.

Of course i didn't want to use up valuable luggage space and decided to wander off to the import food place and buy digestives, etc. once i'm back. But digestives and the like are far too good for most of my co-workers.

I'm leaning toward nice and custard creams. Any additional suggestions?

[Charlie]

a slight change of subject but am need of some advice from this august body.

Back at home from the Roundhouse gigs and need to bring the traditional post holiday treats to my (hated) work.

Of course i didn't want to use up valuable luggage space and decided to wander off to the import food place and buy digestives, etc. once i'm back. But digestives and the like are far too good for most of my co-workers.

I'm leaning toward nice and custard creams. Any additional suggestions?

Do they still do those bags of Broken Biscuits you used to get at markets?!

[EmmaPeelWannaBe]

a slight change of subject but am need of some advice from this august body.

Back at home from the Roundhouse gigs and need to bring the traditional post holiday treats to my (hated) work.

Of course i didn't want to use up valuable luggage space and decided to wander off to the import food place and buy digestives, etc. once i'm back. But digestives and the like are far too good for most of my co-workers.

I'm leaning toward nice and custard creams. Any additional suggestions?

Do they still do those bags of Broken Biscuits you used to get at markets?!

oooh stroke of genius. and if not, i can just break them (and blame it on the flight)

i was thinking of Tim Tams and insisting that they can only be consumed if they are dunked.

Revenge biscuitry.

[EvilBastard]

Garibaldis - tell them there's real squashed flies in them
Malted Milks (store-brand only)
Ginger Nuts (ibid) - because there's 4 people in the world who actually like them, and 3 of them are guests of Her Majesty in secure units

[Swinnow]

My Nan used to work at Cadbury's at Moreton-in-the-Mud on the Wirral. She used to bring the bags of broken biscuits home with her. They made the Sunday obligation visits worthwhile when I was a kid

[EmmaPeelWannaBe]

Ginger Nuts (ibid) - because there's 4 people in the world who actually like them, and 3 of them are guests of Her Majesty in secure units

Crap, I'm the 4th one. Plus the name is hilarious.

Swinnow - I have a mallet in hand and am smashing away.

Was going to bring some PG tips (yes in bags) and thought i'd bring soy milk and fake sugar.

[Swinnow]

EPW, when it comes to tea n biccies I get as alternative as semi-skimmed milk

[EmmaPeelWannaBe]

EPW, when it comes to tea n biccies I get as alternative as semi-skimmed milk

oh god, yes.... but for work I think soya milk and splenda would be perfect

[EvilBastard]

Have you seen this abomination?

When I was made aware of this product I immediately contacted The Supreme and Worshipful Kettlemeister (FUCT's equivalent of the Grand Mufti) and requested that a fatwa be issued. She has done so:

Let it be known throughout all of teadrinkingdom that the product known as Bru, its heirs, successors, servants and agents, and every variant thereof, has been declared An Offence In The Sight Of Gods and all those who use it shall henceforth be damned in perpetuity, their eyes gouged out and replaced with Oreos, their privy parts torn off and replaced with pink wafers, their offspring condemned to the howling wastes wherein the only tea available comes in powdered form, their names expunged from history never to be mentioned in decent society, their houses razed, their crops burned, their livestock confiscated and their estates sown with salt that nothing may grow there, yea until the Time Of The Second Coming Of The Great Teapot before whom all will be judged. Do not be inclined to test us in this, since I'm having a bad day and am verily fed up to the back teeth with This Sort Of Shit, and any one of you motherfuckers want to test me you'll find I'm am both vengeful and malicious, and will not hesitate to Come Down There and steal your kittens. Oh wait, you're not writing this all down, are you? Just give them the bit up to "whom all will be judged", ok? The rest - well, look, I dropped my favourite mug this morning, the big one with the pictures of cats on it, and I'm still getting over it.

[iesus]

Any recipies for tea traditional brit biscuits ?

[Charlie]

Have you seen this abomination?

When I was made aware of this product I immediately contacted The Supreme and Worshipful Kettlemeister (FUCT's equivalent of the Grand Mufti) and requested that a fatwa be issued. She has done so:

Let it be known throughout all of teadrinkingdom that the product known as Bru, its heirs, successors, servants and agents, and every variant thereof, has been declared An Offence In The Sight Of Gods and all those who use it shall henceforth be damned in perpetuity, their eyes gouged out and replaced with Oreos, their privy parts torn off and replaced with pink wafers, their offspring condemned to the howling wastes wherein the only tea available comes in powdered form, their names expunged from history never to be mentioned in decent society, their houses razed, their crops burned, their livestock confiscated and their estates sown with salt that nothing may grow there, yea until the Time Of The Second Coming Of The Great Teapot before whom all will be judged. Do not be inclined to test us in this, since I'm having a bad day and am verily fed up to the back teeth with This Sort Of Shit, and any one of you motherfuckers want to test me you'll find I'm am both vengeful and malicious, and will not hesitate to Come Down There and steal your kittens. Oh wait, you're not writing this all down, are you? Just give them the bit up to "whom all will be judged", ok? The rest - well, look, I dropped my favourite mug this morning, the big one with the pictures of cats on it, and I'm still getting over it.

omg

'The regular BRÜ has a standard outlet which has a flush function that keeps the brewing chamber’s bottom and its outlet clean after each cup.'

Sounds more like a toilet system

and this:

'For those times when you don’t want to wait for your tea to cool down to a drinkable temperature, we’re currently working on a “cold-tea mode�'

[EmmaPeelWannaBe]

Have you seen this abomination?

But aren't abominations appropriate around halloween?

Speaking of abominations, spotted this in Berkeley (CA), and it is very, very Berkeley.

[EvilBastard]

But aren't abominations appropriate around halloween?

Yes, true - but this machine is being made in Switzerland, where they famously don't celebrate hallowe'en. Their equivalent is held in February, where men dress up like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, and Golda Meir to commemorate the day in 1971 (yes, 1971) that women were granted the right to vote in federal elections.

[iesus]

But aren't abominations appropriate around halloween?

Yes, true - but this machine is being made in Switzerland, where they famously don't celebrate hallowe'en. Their equivalent is held in February, where men dress up like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, and Golda Meir to commemorate the day in 1971 (yes, 1971) that women were granted the right to vote in federal elections.

Women in Switzerland didn't have voting rights back in 1970?

[markfiend]

But aren't abominations appropriate around halloween?

Yes, true - but this machine is being made in Switzerland, where they famously don't celebrate hallowe'en. Their equivalent is held in February, where men dress up like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, and Golda Meir to commemorate the day in 1971 (yes, 1971) that women were granted the right to vote in federal elections.

Women in Switzerland didn't have voting rights back in 1970?

That's correct: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s ... witzerland

[Charlie]

Anyone love tea that much to be buried in a teabag coffin?

[Pista]

Anyone love tea that much to be buried in a teabag coffin?

That's pretty awesome

[Pista]

From the twitters

[markfiend]

From the twitters

Scone.

[Pista]

Scone.

fastest cake in the shop.