The Great Heartland Biscuit Thread™

Does exactly what it says on the tin. Some of the nonsense contained herein may be very loosely related to The Sisters of Mercy, but I wouldn't bet your PayPal account on it. In keeping with the internet's general theme nothing written here should be taken as Gospel: over three quarters of it is utter gibberish, and most of the forum's denizens haven't spoken to another human being face-to-face for decades. Don't worry your pretty little heads about it. Above all else, remember this: You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
Post Reply
User avatar
markfiend
goriller of form 3b
Posts: 21181
Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
Location: st custards
Contact:
Contact markfiend

Pista wrote:
markfiend wrote:Scone.
fastest cake in the shop. :D
That joke doesn't work for me. I was brought up with pronouncing it skoʊn (rhymes with cone) rather than the more usual skɒn (s'gone).

https://brilliantmaps.com/scone-map/
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3933
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

markfiend wrote:
Pista wrote:
markfiend wrote:Scone.
fastest cake in the shop. :D
That joke doesn't work for me. I was brought up with pronouncing it skoʊn (rhymes with cone) rather than the more usual skɒn (s'gone).

https://brilliantmaps.com/scone-map/
It's got to be "S-cone" otherwise the joke about Great British Bake-Off being renamed Game of Scones doesn't work.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17627
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:
Contact Pista

Yorkshire tea seems to be doing dunk tests on the twitters
Our landmark series "Does it Dunk?" launches in 2 weeks! Here's what the critics are saying:

"Game of Thrones meets Paw Patrol" - Radio Times

"It's got a science man in it like Breaking Bad" - Empire

"The video is an oblong, which is my best shape after triangles!" - The Sun

Ginger Nuts

Custard Creams



:lol:
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days
TheCureCommunity
Top
User avatar
EmmaPeelWannaBe
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1610
Joined: 10 Jul 2015, 21:55
Location: San Francisco

Pista wrote:Yorkshire tea seems to be doing dunk tests on the twitters
Our landmark series "Does it Dunk?" launches in 2 weeks! Here's what the critics are saying:

"Game of Thrones meets Paw Patrol" - Radio Times

"It's got a science man in it like Breaking Bad" - Empire

"The video is an oblong, which is my best shape after triangles!" - The Sun

Ginger Nuts

Custard Creams



:lol:
At last some Ginger Nut love!
Top
User avatar
Tinker
Road Kill
Posts: 64
Joined: 30 Oct 2019, 18:02
Location: Slough of Despond

I love a ginger nut. There's always one packet open and one on standby.
Monstrous hell bride.
Top
User avatar
Charlie
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1492
Joined: 27 Mar 2017, 19:12
Location: Yorkshire

For me, the biscuit that improves the most on dunking is definitely the Ginger nut, i don't eat them on their own, they HAVE to be dunked! ;D
Top
User avatar
EmmaPeelWannaBe
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1610
Joined: 10 Jul 2015, 21:55
Location: San Francisco

I'm sensing the start of a subgroup of Hearlanders who love ginger nuts.
My life is one long week of stupid clothing benders.
Top
User avatar
Tinker
Road Kill
Posts: 64
Joined: 30 Oct 2019, 18:02
Location: Slough of Despond

When I was little, before the tea addiction, I used to dunk them in my orange squash.
Monstrous hell bride.
Top
User avatar
iesus
Overbomber
Posts: 4455
Joined: 15 Mar 2006, 11:15
Location: x-EU

To be fair, that guy didn't dunk the custard cream one, he bathed it for too much hour :lol: :lol: :lol:
with only two dunks custard cream is fine ;D
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
Top
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17627
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:
Contact Pista

iesus wrote:To be fair, that guy didn't dunk the custard cream one, he bathed it for too much hour :lol: :lol: :lol:
with only two dunks custard cream is fine ;D
But he's a scientist.
Yorkshire Tea wrote:"It's got a science man in it like Breaking Bad" - Empire
:D
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days
TheCureCommunity
Top
User avatar
iesus
Overbomber
Posts: 4455
Joined: 15 Mar 2006, 11:15
Location: x-EU

Pista wrote: But he's a scientist.
Yeah, i know that costume looks :lol: ;D
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
Top
User avatar
Pista
Cureboi
Posts: 17627
Joined: 25 Jun 2006, 15:03
Location: Lost In A Forest
Contact:
Contact Pista

:lol:
Cheers.
Steve
Just like the old days
TheCureCommunity
Top
User avatar
emilystrange
Above the Chemist
Posts: 9031
Joined: 03 Nov 2003, 20:26
Location: Lady Strange's boudoir.

can someone bring me some TUC biscuits?
I don't wanna live like I don't mind
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3933
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

EmmaPeelWannaBe wrote:I'm sensing the start of a subgroup of Hearlanders who love ginger nuts.
Not On My Watch.
No no no no no no no no no.

(um...a bit NSFWy)
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
splintered thing
Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
Posts: 750
Joined: 21 Jan 2007, 01:34
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:
Contact splintered thing

EmmaPeelWannaBe wrote:I'm sensing the start of a subgroup of Hearlanders who love ginger nuts.
FWIW I don't mind a ginger nut... we had a bit of a kerfuffle here a few years ago when folk realised there were DIFFERENT ginger nuts available :lol: :lol:

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-20/ ... ia/8533136

Being from Victoria, I can confirm these are very similar to the UK version ;)
as the day is long,
rain from heaven
Top
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:
Contact abridged

Apparently there's a guy with a shop with on the Irish border who's stockpiled thousands of packets of custard creams in case there is a hard Biscuit, sorry I mean Brexit. :eek:
The Chancer Corporation
Top
User avatar
EmmaPeelWannaBe
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1610
Joined: 10 Jul 2015, 21:55
Location: San Francisco

abridged wrote:Apparently there's a guy with a shop with on the Irish border who's stockpiled thousands of packets of custard creams in case there is a hard Biscuit, sorry I mean Brexit. :eek:
Custard creams!?!? Why?
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3933
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

EmmaPeelWannaBe wrote:Custard creams!?!? Why?
This, from the person who loves Ginger Nuts?! You lot, the Custard Cream people, those who favour the Jammy Dodger, the Nice aficionados, anyone who thinks that Lincolns are in any way, shape, or form acceptable examples of the biscuitier's art, the milk chocolate HobNob brigade - I'm warning you now, putting you on notice, that there will be nowhere for you to hide come the day when She shall again walk among us with Her Teatray Of Ineffable Wrath, judging the quick, the dead, and those who put the milk in before removing the teabag. Repent, my brothers and sisters, before it is too late!
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:
Contact abridged

EmmaPeelWannaBe wrote:
abridged wrote:Apparently there's a guy with a shop with on the Irish border who's stockpiled thousands of packets of custard creams in case there is a hard Biscuit, sorry I mean Brexit. :eek:
Custard creams!?!? Why?
It seems that all the custard creams in the UK (possibly the world?) are made in Birmingham and if there was a hard Biscuit, sorry Brexit, they would have to cross the Irish border a couple of times so the price would go up. So as far as I know this guy though if I sell them cheaper...it does sound very strange. Now if it were Bourbons...
The Chancer Corporation
Top
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:
Contact abridged

EvilBastard wrote:
EmmaPeelWannaBe wrote:Custard creams!?!? Why?
This, from the person who loves Ginger Nuts?! You lot, the Custard Cream people, those who favour the Jammy Dodger, the Nice aficionados, anyone who thinks that Lincolns are in any way, shape, or form acceptable examples of the biscuitier's art, the milk chocolate HobNob brigade - I'm warning you now, putting you on notice, that there will be nowhere for you to hide come the day when She shall again walk among us with Her Teatray Of Ineffable Wrath, judging the quick, the dead, and those who put the milk in before removing the teabag. Repent, my brothers and sisters, before it is too late!
What will happen to the Dunkers? I figure the fiery pits of perdition for them! :twisted:
The Chancer Corporation
Top
User avatar
Tinker
Road Kill
Posts: 64
Joined: 30 Oct 2019, 18:02
Location: Slough of Despond

I miss Thick Tea. Like a rich tea mated with a rusk.
Monstrous hell bride.
Top
User avatar
EvilBastard
Overbomber
Posts: 3933
Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts

abridged wrote:What will happen to the Dunkers? I figure the fiery pits of perdition for them! :twisted:
Indeed not. For what is dunking but a symbolic baptism, the washing away of the biscuit's sins and making it fit for consumption? Certainly, there are biscuits which from First Times were cast from the sight of decent folks - but never doubt the evils ways of the malign biscuits, they seek to enter your homes and hearts through nefarious means, like in Teatime Assortments. They hide among the decent, gods-fearing biscuits, like the noble Bourbon, as if to say "Look at our friends - if we're here it must mean that we're ok." But, dear brethren, be not beguiled by them. Tis but a short step from thinking that a pink wafer is not the first step on the wide and downward-sloping path to microwaving a mug of water with a teabag in it. At which point, I'm afraid, all of the bamboo slivers and hot teaspoons in FUCT's Centre For Educational Realignment cannot save you.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Top
User avatar
Being645
Wiki Wizard
Posts: 15271
Joined: 09 Apr 2009, 12:54
Location: reconstruction status: whatever the f**k

EvilBastard wrote:
abridged wrote:What will happen to the Dunkers? I figure the fiery pits of perdition for them! :twisted:
Indeed not. For what is dunking but a symbolic baptism, the washing away of the biscuit's sins and making it fit for consumption? Certainly, there are biscuits which from First Times were cast from the sight of decent folks - but never doubt the evils ways of the malign biscuits, they seek to enter your homes and hearts through nefarious means, like in Teatime Assortments. They hide among the decent, gods-fearing biscuits, like the noble Bourbon, as if to say "Look at our friends - if we're here it must mean that we're ok." But, dear brethren, be not beguiled by them. Tis but a short step from thinking that a pink wafer is not the first step on the wide and downward-sloping path to microwaving a mug of water with a teabag in it. At which point, I'm afraid, all of the bamboo slivers and hot teaspoons in FUCT's Centre For Educational Realignment cannot save you.
... :lol: :lol: :lol: ...
Top
abridged
Slight Overbomber
Posts: 1431
Joined: 08 Sep 2008, 10:27
Location: Derry
Contact:
Contact abridged

EvilBastard wrote:
abridged wrote:What will happen to the Dunkers? I figure the fiery pits of perdition for them! :twisted:
Indeed not. For what is dunking but a symbolic baptism, the washing away of the biscuit's sins and making it fit for consumption? Certainly, there are biscuits which from First Times were cast from the sight of decent folks - but never doubt the evils ways of the malign biscuits, they seek to enter your homes and hearts through nefarious means, like in Teatime Assortments. They hide among the decent, gods-fearing biscuits, like the noble Bourbon, as if to say "Look at our friends - if we're here it must mean that we're ok." But, dear brethren, be not beguiled by them. Tis but a short step from thinking that a pink wafer is not the first step on the wide and downward-sloping path to microwaving a mug of water with a teabag in it. At which point, I'm afraid, all of the bamboo slivers and hot teaspoons in FUCT's Centre For Educational Realignment cannot save you.
Tea with crumbs in it. And soggy custard creams are the devils's work I tell you! In the Abridged church dunkers and heretics that use teabags are condemned to the rack and the fire. It's a ecumenical matter as they say. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
The Chancer Corporation
Top
User avatar
iesus
Overbomber
Posts: 4455
Joined: 15 Mar 2006, 11:15
Location: x-EU

Using teabag to make tea considered heresy? :eek: :eek:
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
Top
Post Reply

Return to “General Chat”