The Bread Thread

[Charlie]

Now crumpets however, they do need a good crispy burnt top, they can take it, as you've still got that squidgy middle.

Crumpets! *drool*
I can't buy those in Hungary so I have to make my own.
My custom title on TheCureCommunity

'Crumpet boy' Sounds like something from a Carry On film!

But really? - no crumpets in Hungary?!

The world needs to send crumpet aid over there, they are missing out!

[Pista]

But really? - no crumpets in Hungary?!

The world needs to send crumpet aid over there, they are missing out!

They're easy enough to make. I even make my own bread from time to time....& then burn it in the toaster

[Charlie]

They're easy enough to make. I even make my own bread from time to time....& then burn it in the toaster

You create it and then you cremate it - the circle of life in your kitchen

[EvilBastard]

Pretty sure F.U.C.T. will have some input at some stage.

Well they would, were it not for the Tea n'Toast Treaty of 1597 which brought to an end more than 200 years of religious genocide between FUCT and FuCT (Freiheit für unser Charred Toast) over whose doctrine held sway in the kitchens of christendom. The treaty provides demarcation in order to keep the peace - FUCT rules over the kettle (electric and stove-top, incidentally), teapot, mugs, cups, tea (loose and bag), teaspoons, and issues fatwas governing the correct sequence of the tea-making process. FuCT's dominion extends to all bread and bread-related products (teacakes, scones, pikelets, muffins, crumpets, farls etc.) regardless of whether these are of the traditional wheat flour type or not, sideplates, knives, spreads (jams, curds, marmites, butters, marmalades), and in some cases clotted creams) and the correct order of application of same to the bread.

You will need to refer to FuCT edict 52-58935 to determine whether your toast-making contravenes scripture, but speaking for myself it's a 3 if you're making a club-type sammidge and 4 when you're going for toast and spread. I honestly don't know what the FUCT a 6 is - presumably this is only for when the bread has died and you're cremating it? And the only suitable conveyance for bacon (and indeed sausage) is the cheapest white bread available, untoasted - why? Because untoasted bread will absorb the fat from the bacon/sossidge, while toast will not, resulting in the grease dripping down your shirt. Simples.

[Pista]

[emilystrange]

correct.

[iesus]

They're easy enough to make. I even make my own bread from time to time....& then burn it in the toaster

You create it and then you cremate it - the circle of life in your kitchen

[splintered thing]

Now crumpets however, they do need a good crispy burnt top, they can take it, as you've still got that squidgy middle.

Absolutely correct.

Same with Bagels.

[EvilBastard]

Now crumpets however, they do need a good crispy burnt top, they can take it, as you've still got that squidgy middle.

Absolutely correct.

Same with Bagels.

Now, while it is true that I am not a member of FuCT, the two organisations do have an agreement whereby if a member of one sees someone transgressing the tenets of the other then they are encouraged to wade in and set things right.

So, young feller-me-lad, if you're toasting bagels I should warn you that FuCT's more militant members may appear on your doorstep with a cunningly-contrived Breville with toasting trays that are precisely the same size and shape as your clockweights. I think you get the ideas.

[abridged]

Now crumpets however, they do need a good crispy burnt top, they can take it, as you've still got that squidgy middle.

Absolutely correct.

Same with Bagels.

Now, while it is true that I am not a member of FuCT, the two organisations do have an agreement whereby if a member of one sees someone transgressing the tenets of the other then they are encouraged to wade in and set things right.

So, young feller-me-lad, if you're toasting bagels I should warn you that FuCT's more militant members may appear on your doorstep with a cunningly-contrived Breville with toasting trays that are precisely the same size and shape as your clockweights. I think you get the ideas.

Of course we all know that the greatest heresy (apart from dunking) in the bread or biscuit world is using teabags and/or putting milk in tea. I have a brother of sorts in Torqteamada. Ahem.

[Alex66]

4 or 5 but an occasional 6 isn't unusual

I actually enjoy it burnt. But the butter needs to be soft or it shatters when spreading.

I couldn't eat burnt toast like that, might as well mix coal dust with butter and eat that.

Now crumpets however, they do need a good crispy burnt top, they can take it, as you've still got that squidgy middle.

Crumpets are simply wonderful, I have been known to cane a pack in one sitting.
As for toast if processed bread then brown and quite dark, under fried eggs no spread but HP on top.

[iesus]

I confess, i confess i always drink tea with teabags, never learned other way to do it
None teached me otherwise

[Swinnow]

Yorkshire Tea in teabag form here I'm afraid.

[Pista]

& how about Yorkshire Bread?

[iesus]

This sounds like a bread that can be dunked in yorkshire tea

[Tinker]

3.
A workmate of my dad's used to dunk his chip butties in his tea, leaving a vinegar and oil slick on the surface. But he was a very strange man.

[emilystrange]

crumpets.
before toasting cut a slit in the edge, to about half way, like a pitta. after toasting, insert butter.

[Pista]

crumpets.
before toasting cut a slit in the edge, to about half way, like a pitta. after toasting, insert butter.

That's cheating.
Piping hot out of the toaster/ grill > knob of butter on top > brief wait > insert in gob.

[EvilBastard]

crumpets.
before toasting cut a slit in the edge, to about half way, like a pitta. after toasting, insert butter.

Could you insert something like peanut butter before toasting so you got a lovely warm gooey centre? It would be like biting into a fresh jam donut (except with peanut butter, and I suspect that if you put jam in there it would achieve plasma-like qualities).

[splintered thing]

[quote="So, young feller-me-lad, if you're toasting bagels I should warn you that FuCT's more militant members may appear on your doorstep with a cunningly-contrived Breville with toasting trays that are precisely the same size and shape as your clockweights. I think you get the ideas.[/quote]


Ahem...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagel_toast

This mrs likes a toasted bagel and consider it sanctioned by them wot made em.

[EvilBastard]

Ahem...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bagel_toast

This mrs likes a toasted bagel and consider it sanctioned by them wot made em.

I'll see your "ahem" and I'll raise an Oi! You with the face!

Also Toasting a good bagel is bastardizing a beautiful thing.

[Pista]

Also Toasting a good bagel is bastardizing a beautiful thing.

Although some may disagree with that

[Charlie]

Also Toasting a good bagel is bastardizing a beautiful thing.

Although some may disagree with that

"Howdy-doodly-doo!"

[emilystrange]

peanut butter insertion may knacker your toaster.
oi! putting the butter inside reduces the wait time AND increases the butter amount.

[EvilBastard]

peanut butter insertion may knacker your toaster.
oi! putting the butter inside reduces the wait time AND increases the butter amount.

Well, knackering your toaster is certainly better than toasting your knackers.

But if you only make a small incision in the crumpet, and then wiggle the knife about inside so you create a little pocket, carefully insert the peanut butter and make sure you put the crumpet in incision-side up, it should be ok, right?

I may have put way too much thought into this, but I'm totally willing to risk my toaster to try it. Now, where did I put those crumpets...?