The Great Heartland Biscuit Thread™

[emilystrange]

Early alert: It's International Biscuit Day on the 29th, a week on Monday.

[abridged]

It truly is the end times. https://www.theguardian.com/food/2023/m ... voured-tea

[EvilBastard]

People. People people people. You know, we here at FUCT - we try, we really do. We explain, we illustrate, we prompt, we encourage, we cajole, and yes, sometimes if all else fails we kick down the doors and yell very rude things very loudly at people who appear either unwilling or incapable of following the most simple instructions.

But we're not unreasonable.

If your tea of choice is not really tea, if it comes from a teabag, if you insist on dunking unsuitable things in it (and if you don't know what shouldn't be dunked in tea then you should subscribe to our quarterly newsletter), we like to think of ourselves as a broad church, extending a welcome to almost everyone. Why, over the christmas period we even invited the local Buddhist monastery over to tell us about yak-butter tea. That's right - we're open-minded, tolerant people.

However, it has been brought to our attention that a crime of such magnitude has been committed against tea that even the most mild-mannered and live-and-let-live amongst us have had to be forcibly restrained from taking a crowbar to the doors of the armoury and unleashing the most fiendish weapons of religious genocide.

"What manner of crime could it be?" you ask yourselves. And that's a very reasonable question.

It is this.

Once again those poor benighted heathens - yes, even poorer and more benighted than those cursed to live in the Slough of Despond or the Land of Fake Jazz Nonsense have outdone themselves.

In my capacity as resident FUCT representative I call upon the faithful here present to join with us in not only condemning this fiendish heresy but also to report to your local FUCT place of worship, tooling up, and thence going mob-handed to your nearest American embassy/consulate and performing such acts as would make Jallianwala Bagh look like a Sunday School outing.

Heed the call, brethren.

Thank you.

[Pista]

"What manner of crime could it be?" you ask yourselves. And that's a very reasonable question.

It is this.

[abridged]

As well as proposing the scorpion pits for anyone that dunks it goes without saying that anyone that thinks tea bags are in actually any way related to actual tea deserves to be shunned from polite society. There's a circle in Hell where people are forced to drink Yorkshire Tea for eternity.

[ruffers]

Hmm

https://www.theguardian.com/business/20 ... isruptions


UK shoppers could face tea shortages due to trade route disruptions

[eastmidswhizzkid]

currently obsessed with Cadburys chocolate fingers. break each into 4, suck the choc off then suck the biscuit until it dissolves. A happy side effect of having 7 & a half teeth

[Pista]

For those who partake in small slices of baked goodness, happy national biscuit day

[EvilBastard]

And once again the church militant is called upon to right wrongs. If it wasn't bad enough that the people over there <-, the place where they microwave tea and stir it with live ammunition, were making condensed tea, apparently the people over there -> are dunking biscuits in the worst possible way imaginable:
https://x.com/Luiseach/status/1820946223106228735

[EvilBastard]

And once again the splendid people at xkcd are doing the Lord's Work...

[Pukkadubba]

Was the cover of Temple o’ Love copied after Andrew passed the Tunnocks Factory?

[EvilBastard]

Was the cover of Temple o’ Love copied after Andrew passed the Tunnocks Factory?

Interesting that you should mention this. There is a bootleg of ToL 92 doing the rounds, "Touched By The Hands Of Huntley & Palmer" - it seems that the recording engineer left the tape running during a break and we're treated to 7 minutes of talking to himself while brewing up in the studio kitchen.

Right - tea. Tea tea tea. Now where have they the put the fucking teabags? Teabags teabags teabags....ah, they there are. [plop] [click] And there's the kettle - there we go. And the devil in a chipped mug watches over, my guardian teaspoon stirs away, tea is good and 'specially first thing in the morning...now, a bikkie. I hid some dark chocolate digestives in here the other day, if that bastard James has scoffed them I'll shove his top hat where the sun doesn't shine. Hmmm...I wonder if Ms Haza would like me to bring her a cup of tea and a bikkie in bed, or is she too genteel to want crumbs in the sheets? Must remember to ask her. There they are, just where I put them. Lovely. Now then, Andrew - back to the grindstone. What's that sound?

OI! did you buggers leave me mic'd up? If this recording gets into the wild I swear I'll put your heads up on spikes outside the venue, just see if I don't! [click]

[abridged]

Was the cover of Temple o’ Love copied after Andrew passed the Tunnocks Factory?

Interesting that you should mention this. There is a bootleg of ToL 92 doing the rounds, "Touched By The Hands Of Huntley & Palmer" - it seems that the recording engineer left the tape running during a break and we're treated to 7 minutes of talking to himself while brewing up in the studio kitchen.

Right - tea. Tea tea tea. Now where have they the put the fucking teabags? Teabags teabags teabags....ah, they there are. [plop] [click] And there's the kettle - there we go. And the devil in a chipped mug watches over, my guardian teaspoon stirs away, tea is good and 'specially first thing in the morning...now, a bikkie. I hid some dark chocolate digestives in here the other day, if that bastard James has scoffed them I'll shove his top hat where the sun doesn't shine. Hmmm...I wonder if Ms Haza would like me to bring her a cup of tea and a bikkie in bed, or is she too genteel to want crumbs in the sheets? Must remember to ask her. There they are, just where I put them. Lovely. Now then, Andrew - back to the grindstone. What's that sound?

OI! did you buggers leave me mic'd up? If this recording gets into the wild I swear I'll put your heads up on spikes outside the venue, just see if I don't! [click]

Do you suggest is partial to something as outrageously common as tea-bags?! Libellous! It's a first flush Darjeeling or a classic Taiwanese Oolong I'd wager! If you spend three days mixing the cymbals, Yorkshire tea doesn't cut it! On a side note I've just discovered that Yorkshire whiskey exists, which I can only imagine is used in Batley for paint stripping.

[EvilBastard]

Do you suggest is partial to something as outrageously common as tea-bags?! Libellous! It's a first flush Darjeeling or a classic Taiwanese Oolong I'd wager! If you spend three days mixing the cymbals, Yorkshire tea doesn't cut it! On a side note I've just discovered that Yorkshire whiskey exists, which I can only imagine is used in Batley for paint stripping.

Obviously when He is preparing tea at home then He breaks out the good stuff. However, studio kitchens are not famous for their being stocked with the accessories that would do justice to real tea - a proper teapot that's been seasoned over generations of tea making, fine porcelain cups bearing delicate designs of Japanese or Indian teahouses, a finely-wrought silver bowl for sugar with accompanying jug for milk - all of these are strangers to the studio kitchen, where one is much more likely to encounter an economy-sized box of red label teabags, a bag of sugar loosely folded over at the top, probably with a well-encrusted teaspoon within, an almost-empty milk carton in the fridge, and a selection of chipped and stained mugs furnished by Home@WarOnWant (mods please note: I have omitted the obligatory reference to an entirely-empty box of donuts that featured during the Floodland sessions, for fear of giving offence. Not that I worry about such things, as a rule, but let's keep this section for the appreciation of tea and adjacent backed goods and maintain civility).