Heartland

Two from the Vault:

Q. What's the fastest thing on 4 legs?
A. A pig running through Cambodia (or Ethiopia - pick your famine).

Q. What's the fastest thing on 2 legs?
A. The Cambodian (Ethiopian) running after it.

Famous Quotes:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D Roosevelt, 1933

"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
Winston Churchill, 1940

"What the fuck was that?!"
Lord Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

From a more recent vault:

Q: What's got four legs and goes woof?

A: Piper Alpha.

From a very specific vault:

Q. What's 47' long and likes to swallow semen?
A. The Penlee lifeboat.

From another very specific vault:

Q: What were they drinking on Challenger before it exploded?

A: 7UP

zaltys7 wrote:From another very specific vault:

Q: What were they drinking on Challenger before it exploded?

A: 7UP

Q: what does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts

eastmidswhizzkid wrote: Q: what does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts

A2: Need Another Shuttle Also

Q. How do you know that there was a teacher on the shuttle?
A. She left her pupils on the beach

(cf Q. How do you know the girl in "Jaws" had dandruff?
A. She left her head and shoulders on the beach)

Q. How do you get 9 astronauts in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and the Challenger crew in the ashtray
(cf Q. How do you get 5 royals in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Mountbatten in the ashtray)
(cf Q. How do you get 5 Indians in a Mini?
A. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and Indira Gandhi in the ashtray)

Q. How do you get two whales in a Mini?
A. Down the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

Bonus:
Apparently they asked Elton John to do a song for Mother Theresa's funeral. He obliged: "Sandals in the bin".

Oh dear me

Q: how do you fuck a Tory?
A: AK-47....