Heartland

I'm just an old fart when it comes to things like this.
it wouldn't work for me, but then again, what You do is up to you and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Aye - cut through the waffle, and there's your answer. Free country!

For now...

Yep. Free country etc! Must admit as an old romantic it ain't my thing. To me it's loving a few people a bit and nobody with all your heart which to me ain't love. But as I say free country etc. Will get back to me Jane Austin now...!

mh wrote:I don't really have any opinion. So long as the people involved are consenting adults, all agreeable to the arrangement, and nobody gets hurt,

But it would seem somebody DID.

Unless one relationship for your whole life, somebody is going to get hurt.

You say it. And relations as such include endless disussions about trust and love
and needs and why and where and who and when and on and on and on and on
... and that's the entire contrary to what I needed. So not for me, please, thanks.

nodubmanshouts wrote:Eh? Love who you want, when you want, and how you want. As long as everyone consents, who cares? To me, that's a no brainier. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably trying to push a religion on you - or is jealous.

As Fiendy said: what he said

It can lead to disaster but if the people are right for it it can be a massive success, but isn't that the case with any relationship? Just a little more difficult with more than the traditional two people (maybe for social reasons, maybe deeper psychological reasons, maybe just because there are more variables to go wrong).

Open relationships... I imagine they can be a load of fun if both parties know what they want and are equally happy in the situation. On the other hand they can be a total disaster and destroy otherwise happy relationships. I took a few steps down that road some years ago - backfired big time and completely tore me to shreds. That's not say I think it's a bad thing in general, just that it didn't work with that person, in that situation and at that time.

Europa wrote:Unless one relationship for your whole life, somebody is going to get hurt.

Would you say that <REM> everybody hurts...sometimes</REM>?

Debaser wrote:

mh wrote:I don't really have any opinion. So long as the people involved are consenting adults, all agreeable to the arrangement, and nobody gets hurt,

But it would seem somebody DID.

I don't know about that. Think of marriages where there is an open relationship. So husband & wife both have lovers and they know about it but that's the way they have agreed to spend life with each other?

If it floats your boat get on board...
Me, no thanks, I am very happy indeed with my 'other half' coz he is just that.

Are we talking here about women or sheep, Says one Welshman to the other..

Personally I just could n't do it. I'd love more freedom myself but that would probably cost my marriage, and the idea of having to " stir in somebody else's porridge" does n't really feel me with glee.

Gollum's Cock wrote:Are we talking here about women or sheep, Says one Welshman to the other..
.

... No, we're talking about my friend and the three guys she loves and none of whom she'd like to miss and that they've decided lately they want a baby. Now the questions is who of the guys would make a proper seeder without the other two feeling useless or - beware - get jealous ... and what role the other girlfriend of the second of the three and the lover of the third one (a single parent dad, btw) are going to play, whether this causes any uncomfortable emotions to anyone and how to resolve them ... ...

Just like it should be among friends ... ...

Life is certainly a lot simpler as one of a couple!

one is quite enough, thank you. imo, more is a bit greedy and selfish. sowing wild oats is a bit different to long term relationships. being45 - has anyone thought about the CHILD that these friends of yours are going to have? that's NOT a stable home, that i can see.

sorry, bit old fashioned. you can't have your cake and eat it without cutting it to pieces.

... oh, I've drawn this little scenario above only to show a few of the
difficulties I see with polyamorous relations ... it's not a true story.

However, I think that even a situation as such could be resolved if the people
involved are really decided to live their lives this way. And as to a child -
why should this not be a home as stable as others, since at least the kid
will be loved and wanted and cared for - unlike many other children who
grow up within standard relations ...

Anyway, I prefer to be old-fashioned myself and would not exactly aspire
some polyamorous relation ... but then again, I wouldn't reject the thing as
such straight away. It all depends on the basis, which - I agree - ought to be
stable.

the complexities of one relationship are enough for me, so doubling them with another person, whether agreed or an affair, just seems plain crazy.
i just can't agree on the child thing. it might be wanted. it might be loved. but what about its own perceptions and confusions?

I think most single relationships are a pain in the ass so I doub't that I can handle more than that without going nuts over the time. OK, I have to admit that I'm more a bachelor type of a person who don't mind to enjoy some hours of calmness and hate compromises and limitations.

Of course I don't have a problem if other people pick different "lifestyles".

has anyone thought about the CHILD that these friends of yours are going to have?

Most statistic says that every ~3rd marriage/relationship will break up sooner or later so I think another kind of relationship can't guarantee a healthy, parental enviroment.

Polyamoury = way too fucking complicated, in my book.

Then again, I'm a prude. If I'm seeing someone (and giving someone a seeing to) I have an expectation that I'm the only one doing it to her, and there is a reciprocal expectation that she's the only one doing it to me. In these days of rent-to-own herpes and similar I like to limit my risks of catching anything nasty (its a hedge against my smoking habit).

That said, if you and a number of like-minded friends all decide that you want to sleep around within the confines of the group, I'm not going to stand in your way (assuming that you're all consenting adults and stuff). The caveat being, so long as no-one gets hurt.

And the unfortunate truth is that someone almost always does. People always say that it won't happen to them: "We'll have an agreement, we'll write it down, a polyamorous constitution, as it were," but it almost invariably goes to shit. Hippy communes in the 60s found this out - turns out that they weren't so different from the people that they were rebelling against after all. The bottom line is that once you get emotions involved then all bets are off.

Like I say, if you want to do it, then knock yourself out. But know that sooner rather than later the whole thing is going collapse around you - and you'll find yourself losing friends over it. I've found that lovers are 10-a-penny, friends are much more difficult to come by.

In conclusion: I wouldn't, and if asked if it was a good idea I'd caution against it. You're a grown-up, so I'm not in a position to stop you from doing anything.

DocSommer wrote:
Most statistic says that every ~3rd marriage/relationship will break up sooner or later so I think another kind of relationship can't guarantee a healthy, parental enviroment.

that's not a reason for thinking it'll be ok to have the child.

I didn't realise that if we just all entered the ark two by two love and life would be stable, easy, uncomplicated, unselfish and you would never get hurt.

I guess it's also lucky you can gain experience from books and that Christian morality concerning child rearing has been so successful.

Damn if only we all ate five portions of fruit and vegatables a day and went to bed early too.

markfiend wrote: Life is certainly a lot simpler as one of a couple!

And still simpler as a married couple with two children!

Sorry but in my opinion on this thread, I was thinking more Andy's lifestyle and one that is out there, but then again no children are involved in any of the relationships! More for the of "mature" age and either married with no children or of the "mature" age and still single or divorced, again no children involved and then those relationships of this kind in the gay circle. *meaning both the guys and the girls and those that are bisexual. Again no children where involved in any of these kind of relationships.

Please leave children out of this kind of thing as it's not good just for old fashioned moral upbringing.

Europa wrote:I didn't realise that if we just all entered the ark two by two love and life would be stable, easy, uncomplicated, unselfish and you would never get hurt.

I guess it's also lucky you can gain experience from books and that Christian morality concerning child rearing has been so successful.

Damn if only we all ate five portions of fruit and vegatables a day and went to bed early too.

What happens if Christianity is a figment of ones imagination?

MadameButterfly wrote:

Europa wrote:I didn't realise that if we just all entered the ark two by two love and life would be stable, easy, uncomplicated, unselfish and you would never get hurt.

I guess it's also lucky you can gain experience from books and that Christian morality concerning child rearing has been so successful.

Damn if only we all ate five portions of fruit and vegatables a day and went to bed early too.

What happens if Christianity is a figment of ones imagination?

But not Christian morality, different things. (or am I being pedantic)

What's old fashioned moral upbringing...seriously?

Whose morals??

Listening to the football on the radio and it came to me. Some people love Manchester United. Some people love Manchester City. Nobody can really love both...