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Posted: 29 Aug 2016, 22:39
by stufarq
Avocado
Baby buy an Avocado, Baby buy a thing to eat
She go talking with her mouth full, she go find the juices sweet
She go walking into Asda, she go walking into Waitrose
See her use it for a mask with passion fruit – exfoliate
She will, she will, she will, she will ... let it take her thirst away
She will, she will, she will, she will ... let it make guacamole
Let it wrap its peel around her
Till it fill her in its way
She will, she will, she will, throw the ... core away
Baby hit it with a pestle, mash the alligator pear
Baby buy the jalapeno, some cayenne, some spicy fare
Baby add the coriander, some tortillas on the side
Friends to feed with enchilada, add some salt from the seaside
She will, she will, she will, she will ... make some tacos de carne
She will, she will, she will, she will ... make some nachos, chipotle
Let it wrap its peel around her
Till it fill her in its way
She will, she will, she will, throw the ... core away
Make the sauce a little thicker, add a shot, pineapple slice
Pour in lime juice, no vinegar, stir the salsa, stir it nice
Pour into a china bowl, go maybe with a little rice
Some mango for them to swallow, seasoned with fajita spice
She will, she will, she will, she will ... let them dip their bread away
She will, she will, she will, let them ... take a doggy bag away
Let it wrap its peel around her
Till it fill her in its way
She will, she will, she will, throw the ... core away
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 11:16
by iesus
Avocado sounds like an instant classic
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 12:06
by Bartek
I like,
stufarq, that you kept rythm of original lyrics, plus - it's damn funny.
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 12:28
by Pista
Alligator Pear is worthy of a band name
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 12:43
by stufarq
You're all too kind.
That doesn't mean stop.
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 14:06
by stufarq
Mind you, I'm worried I might be turning into Weird Al Yankovic.
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 14:13
by Being645
...
... you're getting better with each one. Avocado is the best so far. Great language ...
... now, I really get hungry ...
...
Please go on ...
...
Posted: 30 Aug 2016, 18:02
by iesus
Panna cotta + Anaconda = Pannaconda
for Italian desserts lovers. Not my thought just saw it few minuts ago in a photo from a patisserie in Athens
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 13:28
by stufarq
Inspired by revelations in this thread
https://www.myheartland.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=25609
(I've forgotten how to make clickys!)
Gladys
Gladys edges round the wall
Cos she can’t see the floor
The bin’s just in the corner but
His Lordship don’t know what it’s for
Gladys in her overalls
It’s time to get the Mr Sheen
She don’t get paid nearly enough
To keep this bloody shambles clean
He promised her a good position
But he’s just a lazy slob
Well stick it where the sun don’t shine
And tell him he can shove his job
Today
Today
Dust the crystal spray the bureau
On the sofa Spiggy lies
If he don’t shift hisself right now
He’s going to get a big surprise
Gladys finds Von partly dressed
She’s sick of it and turns away
He needs to change his conduct quick
She’s told him this is not okay
So everything’s going in the bin
If it’s important it’s his loss
He thinks the sun shines out his bum
Well Gladys doesn’t give a toss
Today
Today
Gladys
Don't throw it way
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 13:30
by stufarq
And while 'm here, I thought I'd copy the original to this thread so they're all in one place.
Alan
Alan propped against the wall
Cos he can't reach the door
A bunch of laughing strangers came
With booze and Alan's on the floor
Alan in his party slacks
He's face down in the soup tureen
He'll need a lot of Lemon Duck
To make sure that the toilet's clean
He promised mum nothing would happen
He'd behave while she's away
Told her things would be alright
But now there's sick on mum and dad's duvet
Duvet
Pass the nibbles spread the Marmite
In the bathroom Kenny lies
He couldn't hold four cans of Bud Lite
Now he's brought up six mince pies
Alan had a party Mum'll kill him
Thank God she's away
He needs a decorator fast
So mum'll think it's all okay
He promised her he'd be a good boy
Told her to enjoy her stay
Told her he'd look after things
But what's that stain on mum and dad's duvet
Duvet
Alan
Quick - wash the duvet
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 13:37
by Pista
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 14:21
by Being645
stufarq wrote:Inspired by revelations in this thread
https://www.myheartland.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=25609
(I've forgotten how to make clickys!)
Gladys
Gladys edges round the wall
Cos she can’t see the floor
The bin’s just in the corner but
His Lordship don’t know what it’s for
Gladys in her overalls
It’s time to get the Mr Sheen
She don’t get paid nearly enough
To keep this bloody shambles clean
He promised her a good position
But he’s just a lazy slob
Well stick it where the sun don’t shine
And tell him he can shove his job
Today
Today
Dust the crystal spray the bureau
On the sofa Spiggy lies
If he don’t shift hisself right now
He’s going to get a big surprise
Gladys finds Von partly dressed
She’s sick of it and turns away
He needs to change his conduct quick
She’s told him this is not okay
So everything’s going in the bin
If it’s important it’s his loss
He thinks the sun shines out his bum
Well Gladys doesn’t give a toss
Today
Today
Gladys
Don't throw it way
... another masterpiece ...
...
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 14:53
by EvilBastard
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 19:18
by Nikolas Vitus Lagartija
stufarq Perhaps your next comic novel could be about a reclusive non-goth rock star. Purely fictional, naturally (any resemblance etc etc). I would buy it!
Posted: 07 Sep 2016, 19:37
by stufarq
Nikolas Vitus Lagartija wrote: stufarq Perhaps your next comic novel could be about a reclusive non-goth rock star. Purely fictional, naturally (any resemblance etc etc). I would buy it!
I think we all know he'd sue me.