Heartland

mh wrote:A lot of it's down to what kinda school you went to, what the teaching policies and admin policies were like, and when you went.

boudicca wrote:
I think you've got it in one, Michael. I was lucky enough to attend one of the best private schools in Scotland, where any real physical violence (and in fact in a couple of cases even verbal taunts) would meet with a swift explusion. "Thanks" to that policy, the only bullying I ever experienced (with the exception of one never-repeated incident) was verbal.
But the problem with these more subtle forms of bullying is, there's less that you can do about it. What do you do when you walk up to a group of people and they all simply turn their backs on you? Apart from insisting that people stop ignoring you, and how do you do that successfully?
You might be the wittiest, sharpest person in the world - but if a class of kids have decided you are the saddest thing on earth because you came top of the class (or whatever), and simply will not interact with you - apart from the not-so-occasional taunt... can you make them? You cannot force people to be your friend.

I have mixed feelings about bullying. I experienced it -initially because of my academic performance, and later also because I started liking weird music and stuff - and without question it affected me profoundly. I missed quite a bit of school because of it, and it's only been since joining HL that I've been able to believe that anyone might actually like me. I feel terrible for any kid going through that. But at the same time I do feel that bullying is an inevitable part of the formation of social dynamics amongst human beings. There have always been, and I think will always be, kids (and adults) whose strengths are academic at the expense of their social skills. Extreme examples of this are things like Asperger's Syndrome... but these traits exist on a spectrum and I think your classic geek/inventor/professor type does possess a similar focussed ability with accompanying social difficulties or eccentricities.

It's just one personality type, no more or less valid than the social butterfly or smart-talking sort that always has a comeback ready. As someone whose social skills at times leave a lot to be desired, I can empathise with any tongue-tied kid who's getting slagged rotten and finds that any response he does manage to utter (no matter how smart it actually might be) just meets with howls of derision. I think, Iz, you're being a bit idealistic (and perhaps slightly blinded by your own positive experience) if you think that all bullies will respond to a witty retort. The ones I knew were not about to be converted by some back-chat. Believe me, I tried.

I also think it's pretty unfair to suggest that kids who have been blessed with an academic talent/being too tall or too short/an unfortunate face/insert other uncontrollable factor here, should have to be quicker and wittier than any other kid, in order to "talk the bullies under the table". The bullying may be, to some extent, inevitable - but to make out like it's a kid's at fault if they're not managing to fend them off is really quite simplistic.
Some people are just a bit socially awkward, shy and nervous people are not necessarily defective... they're just part of life's rich tapestry. Some of the nicest people I've ever met are just like that.

boudicca wrote:I met up with her on Sunday evening, BTW. It was bloody fantastic - nearly a decade since we last saw each other and we were yakking away just like old times. Gave me a warm fuzzy

Erudite wrote:Unfortunately, bullying doesn't begin and end at school.

James Blast wrote:All too true Don and the cause of my illness can be laid firmly at the door of the woman I called HellBitchBoss - between 2004 and 2007, I was bullied by my boss. I lost my health, a colleague lost his job and almost his marriage, house and kids. We didn't have proper union representation (but that's another story) or none of the above would have happened.
There is a slightly happy ending to my tale as HellBitch's face didn't fit in the 'last' restructure and it was pushed out the door, albeit with a reasonably handsome pay-off.
I believe it has a new job and lives an happy life.

I wish it and its family nothing but ill.

James Blast wrote:

Erudite wrote:Unfortunately, bullying doesn't begin and end at school.

All too true Don and the cause of my illness can be laid firmly at the door of the woman I called HellBitchBoss.

Dark wrote:confidence has improved

Dark wrote:For what it's worth, confidence has improved. Yesterday I walked up to Maryhill in a velvet skirt and purple tee, tomorrow I will be dancing alone to Motown records at a club night. But f**k them. If they want to have a shot at me, my boots are always willing to "talk".

James Blast wrote:Dark said butt fuck heh hehhhheh hehhhh....

markfiend wrote:Comment number 88 on the blog-post I linked:

I wrote:Wow. "But I think that it was slightly worse than average" Broken fingers only slightly worse than average? Dude... I thought I had my time at school bad.

Let me tell you something. One of my first reactions back when I heard about the Columbine shootings was sympathy for the shooters -- I'm sure one of the main reasons for that was that they were bullied; I certainly remember having those kind of violent revenge fantasies while at school.

Indeed I sometimes wonder, if I'd been able to find a gun, whether I'd have done something similar myself. For that reason if no other, I'm glad for our gun-control laws (I'm in the UK). I certainly took knives to school, but fortunately never used one.

The fact that the guys who bullied me probably don't realise now what they did then doesn't really help. The only thing that helps is knowing that that time is in the past, and it's damn-well staying there. I certainly won't be going to any reunions.

People like this make me really, really scared. You cannot support that quote, please Mark?

Maybe it is a Belgian thing again, most of the people I know had a moderate to very good time at school.

Now, I've seen a documentary once about a Wallon school, and had some reports from exchange students, which is quite the opposite of the Flemish schools. So when you decide to send your children here for a good schooltime, it's the upper part of Belgium, remember.

IZ.

Izzy HaveMercy wrote:

markfiend wrote:Comment number 88 on the blog-post I linked:

I wrote:Wow. "But I think that it was slightly worse than average" Broken fingers only slightly worse than average? Dude... I thought I had my time at school bad.

Let me tell you something. One of my first reactions back when I heard about the Columbine shootings was sympathy for the shooters -- I'm sure one of the main reasons for that was that they were bullied; I certainly remember having those kind of violent revenge fantasies while at school.

Indeed I sometimes wonder, if I'd been able to find a gun, whether I'd have done something similar myself. For that reason if no other, I'm glad for our gun-control laws (I'm in the UK). I certainly took knives to school, but fortunately never used one.

The fact that the guys who bullied me probably don't realise now what they did then doesn't really help. The only thing that helps is knowing that that time is in the past, and it's damn-well staying there. I certainly won't be going to any reunions.

People like this make me really, really scared. You cannot support that quote, please Mark?

Maybe it is a Belgian thing again, most of the people I know had a moderate to very good time at school.

Now, I've seen a documentary once about a Wallon school, and had some reports from exchange students, which is quite the opposite of the Flemish schools. So when you decide to send your children here for a good schooltime, it's the upper part of Belgium, remember.

IZ.

Britain is the worst place to raise your children in the Western world. Unicef and the world poverty (something or other) did a survey. This is quite a ridiculous state seeing that Britain was also one of the richest countries surveys. Holland came out as best by the way.