Heartland

One piece of advice for those that do decide to tie the knot - be selfish - it's your day, not any of the respective parents. Have the marriage that you want. If your family loves you they will forgive you almost anything.
I should know, having booked the Smurphs as my wedding band!

I agree - got married in black at the civic centre, no reception, no wedding cake - all my friends (about 40 of them) in black, having come straight from a party following a good night out (most of them were coming down from something......it was 9.15 am) - and we all piled back to my house and got plastered for the rest of the day and following night.

Mum and Dad smiled throughout

Black Alice wrote: Mum and Dad smiled throughout

Are you certain it wasn't some form of shock induced rictus?

Erudite wrote:

Black Alice wrote: Mum and Dad smiled throughout

Are you certain it wasn't some form of shock induced rictus?

Could very well have been But, like you said, its your day so be selfish ............ and to be honest I've seen the same look on their faces every time I get ready to go out with them - yep - maybe its shock

i got married strictly in secret, so how much more of a 'me' day could i have had? ! it was glorious.

canon docre wrote:- at the end all my fault.

No. Classic alchoholic behaviour. Drag the people around you down to make you feel better. His probem, not yours.

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:i thought i'ld met "the one" way back in '89.within a week we were living together;four years later bought a house together(actually the council were buying my half as they were mistakenly led to believe that i was the lodger and gave me housing benefit )another two years of bliss and assumed certainty of growing old together ...and then it all went wrong.she wanted to set up her own business,i wanted to take drugs and live in a tree...basically you never know with any certainty when two ideally matched people are gonna cease to be ideally matched.

--- People change over the course of time. The person who might seem like your 'soul mate' when you're 17 may not be the type you'd look for at 30. If you're single, you begin looking for/at a type you previously wouldn't have looked at. If you're together/married/whatever, you grow apart.

Women in their 20s are into image.

In their 30s, they're gold-diggers who've dropped any idealism they may have once had and p*ss off the dickheads of their 20s. At this stage they would consider a man who they wouldn't have looked at twice in their 20s.

The 40s want their loved ones around them. The 50s-plus just want to be listened to.

canon docre wrote:@ Mrs Richey James and nigel d: you lucky bastards...

I had a wonderful relationship over 7 years, that ended at the very second I delivered him to the alcohol clinic...

Decided then that I'm better off alone.

But asking myself ever since, if alcoholism is
- a general minor Rockstardom disease.
- a natural charakter trait of scandinavians, I should have better accepted.
- at the end all my fault.

Canon Docre, I always got the impression you were male. Anyway, I thought alcoholism was related to fear and selfishness. Or hedonism. Kind of tricks you that way.

SINsister wrote:

andymackem wrote:Thank you, one and all.

Suddenly being single looks like a happy place to be

Really. *I'm* not happy being single...very lonely place to be.

--- Drop me a PM, sunshine. What's wrong with Chicago?

andymackem wrote:Somehow I feel more alone when I have company.

I must do something about my superiority complex, before I turn into an uber-goth.

--- This is a phenomenon known as identifying yourself in a group. Can be good or bad.

Shadow_Smile wrote:.1 love hurts
.2 relations take time and afther it's over it even hurts more !

.3 I'm staying single !

--- This supposedly wise idea that people have of "I'm staying single!" is narrow.

How can you know that being single is invariably 'better'?

The experiences you have in a relationship are some of the most engaging feelings you will experience in your lifetime. We (men and women) can even learn something from each other.

Talking to girls beats yet another predictable night with the lads, bless their hearts.

Francis wrote:

canon docre wrote:- at the end all my fault.

No. Classic alchoholic behaviour. Drag the people around you down to make you feel better. His probem, not yours.

--- I enjoy a drink, but I enjoy it even more in moderation. Have you ever woken up the next morning (or afternoon) and said "I'm never gonna drink again!" or "I paid $80 to end up feeling like this?!?".

There's this one bar we go to, we've been there about five times since discovering it a few months ago. I meet a girl every time I go there, but this other guy, a friend who drinks way too much (especially since he got an inheritance) always has people looking at him like he's an idiot.

And, yeah, he seems to try and put other people down. Apart from that, he's not a realist - he doesn't recognize that being an artist (and pisshead) and reading books on poetry and philosophy, in some regards, kinda proves it. I'm gonna stop drinking with him. As William S. Burroughs once said:

"A fool is bad news and it rubs off. Don't let it rub off on you!"

Artists are a notoriously self-destructive crowd.

I know allot of you think different than me, but being kick on my soul one to many time's. No I don't want some one that close to me anymore,

I just had it.

I'm not the person to easy to fall in love,i'm happy now the way live now. Oke i must agrea that I realy had other plans. kids, happy house, but at the point where i'm standing now. NO WAY !

Black Biscuit wrote:

Shadow_Smile wrote:.1 love hurts
.2 relations take time and afther it's over it even hurts more !

.3 I'm staying single !

--- This supposedly wise idea that people have of "I'm staying single!" is narrow.

How can you know that being single is invariably 'better'?

I'm not jonking with this below !!!

- no fam inlaws !!!
- no terrible horror: birthday's, x-mas, easter, or other fam. or friends meetings !
- staying single cos les money ! les traveling, less chopping
- when going out/chopping it's much cheaper.
- I can do anything I want with-out someone asking all the time: " what are you gonna do " " where are you going to" " Are you care full with driving " " arn't you forgetting some thing " " who was that on the phone you talking to " " That girl has big breatst, do you like them "

* Hele diepe zucht *

Anthony Robbins, the peak-performance coach and author, says "if you're not in a relationship, you've chosen not to be hurt". End of story.

eastmidswhizzkid wrote:i thought i'ld met "the one" way back in '89.within a week we were living together;four years later bought a house together(actually the council were buying my half as they were mistakenly led to believe that i was the lodger and gave me housing benefit )another two years of bliss and assumed certainty of growing old together ...and then it all went wrong.she wanted to set up her own business,i wanted to take drugs and live in a tree...basically you never know with any certainty when two ideally matched people are gonna cease to be ideally matched.

Sounds depressingly like my life.

Intellectually I understand that people change, and a couple who have been compatible for years may suddenly one day stop being compatible.

Emotionally, there's still a part of me that feels that if you promise someone forever, you should at least make an effort to fulfil that promise. I know that's an immature and impossibly naive viewpoint, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when someone you've given your love and unconditional support to for almost a decade one day just loses interest and doesn't even want to try to make things work.

Black Biscuit wrote:Anthony Robbins, the peak-performance coach and author, says "if you're not in a relationship, you've chosen not to be hurt". End of story.

Which is a bit like saying ' if you're not sitting with your hand in the fire, you've chosen not be hurt'.

The logic of that is being in a relationship is choosing to be hurt, which I think was pretty much Christophe's point.

Self-help gibberish. Or self-pity as it should be properly known. Put it in the bin and live your own life, right or wrong.

smiscandlon wrote:
Emotionally, there's still a part of me that feels that if you promise someone forever, you should at least make an effort to fulfil that promise. I know that's an immature and impossibly naive viewpoint, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when someone you've given your love and unconditional support to for almost a decade one day just loses interest and doesn't even want to try to make things work.

Not immature or naive at all. Sounds like my relationships with two of my best friends, which have endured for 15-20 years each (one male, one female, if you think it's relevant).

Of course, I've not tried having sex with either of them. And there wasn't any 'promise' at the top. Just a sense that the 'right' people in my life aren't necesarily going to be sexual partners. Some things are deeper than that.

andymackem wrote:
Self-help gibberish. Or self-pity as it should be properly known. Put it in the bin and live your own life, right or wrong.

Because it really is THAT SIMPLE, kids!

I have no time for self-help bollox, let me be clear... but well - that was a bit trite for you, mackem.

boudicca wrote:

andymackem wrote:
Self-help gibberish. Or self-pity as it should be properly known. Put it in the bin and live your own life, right or wrong.

Because it really is THAT SIMPLE, kids!

I have no time for self-help bollox, let me be clear... but well - that was a bit trite for you, mackem.

Hardly as trite as the initial quote (nice selective editting, btw!). If that was 'peak-performance coaching' my arse deserves it's own three-book deal.

Simple isn't the point. The person best equipped to understand what I want and need is me. The person best equipped to make the set of acceptable compromises to secure the bulk of that is also me. The person best equipped to seek out advice where appropriate .... you must be getting the picture by now.

None of that is necessarily easy to do, but it's still easier for me to do than it is for anyone else (in the context of my own life - obviously you are best equipped to do this for yourself).

Nothing could be simpler than 2+2=4. But you might find it harder to tell me why.

Forgive me Andy. I'm just jealous of people who've got that whole "sanity" thing worked out.

Don't mind me, I'm just mad

Francis wrote:

canon docre wrote:- at the end all my fault.

No. Classic alchoholic behaviour. Drag the people around you down to make you feel better. His probem, not yours.

I hope you are not talking about yourself, Francis.

black biscuit wrote:Artists are a notoriously self-destructive crowd.

Couldn't agree more.

Canon Docre, I always got the impression you were male.

<

Sheeeit! Is that you in your avatar, cd?

RAWR!

You one foxy lay-dee!

Black Biscuit wrote:Artists are a notoriously self-destructive crowd.

hmph!

You know it's true, Laz.

A year ago, I'd have "hmph"ed at that as well... but it happens to the best of us. If you've ever picked up a paintbrush or read a book, you'll end up f**king yourself over somehow.

Go and become an estate agent before it's too late!