Heartland

andymackem wrote: but I don't think I could handle a lover with whom I didn't feel confident of being able to express myself fully.

Exactly. For me, honesty and being open are the first things I ask for - if they're not possible the whole experiment is pointless.

And yes, I prefer hurting or getting hurt to not telling or hearing the truth.

Not at all Andy; I suspect I'm associating with the wrong kind of people.
I'd like to believe a relationship comes with no ambiguity, hidden depths, off-topics or borders...

But I've yet to see it happen. Maybe someone will come along to shatter this cold, psychological outlook.

andymackem wrote:Maybe my standards are too high. Again.

It is hard to breed for the picky ones...

canon docre wrote:It is hard to breed for the picky ones...

Who said anything about breeding? *Shudder*

Eva wrote:

andymackem wrote: but I don't think I could handle a lover with whom I didn't feel confident of being able to express myself fully.

Exactly. For me, honesty and being open are the first things I ask for - if they're not possible the whole experiment is pointless.

And yes, I prefer hurting or getting hurt to not telling or hearing the truth.

Hear, hear - both of you. I expect - demand - honesty in a relationship. Otherwise, it's all based on bullsh1t and has no basis in (my) reality. Problem with integrity? Then you've got a problem with *me*.

Tell it, sister!

\m/

SINsister wrote:

canon docre wrote:It is hard to breed for the picky ones...

Who said anything about breeding? *Shudder*

Uuups, I must have mixed the lines in my dictionnary.... Now I see, it stands "zool." before.... I m not that arrogant.. I meant rather: find partners, get married, get kids. Something like that... Nevermind.

*walks off to get a new pair of glasses*

Mrs RicheyJames wrote:

All the Best D.

cheers! I think I deserve some happiness in the end!!!

Follow your heart.

my heart says one thing but my realistic mind always tries to deny it!

If you're not happy with someone in the cyber world, you're not going to be happy in the really real world!

what i I am happy with them in the cyber world but unhappy in the real world?

As you know relationships take work and it's never easy. Long distance ones are twice as hard, but if it's both what you really really want </Spice Girls>, then these things have a habit of working out.

I hope so, but part of me is giving up already! A huge part of me I should say... And there is soemthing else on the horizon, which is gonna be even harder!!!!
Unlucky me....

canon docre wrote:"zool."

"Zool"?! Ghostbusters!!!

canon docre wrote:

SINsister wrote:

canon docre wrote:It is hard to breed for the picky ones...

Who said anything about breeding? *Shudder*

Uuups, I must have mixed the lines in my dictionnary.... Now I see, it stands "zool." before.... I m not that arrogant.. I meant rather: find partners, get married, get kids. Something like that... Nevermind.

*walks off to get a new pair of glasses*

Nope, you don't need new glasses - over here, "breeding" is slang for having kids. What I meant is that to me, having kids = YUCK. Hell, I guess it's a good thing I don't want kids - I'm so picky, I can barely find anyone to *SNOG* (let alone, shag... )! I'm doomed. *Sigh*

andymackem wrote:

_emma_ wrote: .... the vast majority of relationships are based on deceit ....

Maybe in your world, hopefully not in mine.

I might be cynical about relationships, but I could never imagine believing that.

Likewise.
Any sucessful relationship, as far as Im concerned, is
based on trust, honesty & friendship.

If you believe its based on deceit from the outset,
what hope has the relationship got!

One thing I know for sure... once you got hurt it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to trust somebody again. You have a feeling everybody is deceiving you...
Maybe it is called paranoia. Maybe reality...

SINsister wrote:Nope, you don't need new glasses - over here, "breeding" is slang for having kids. What I meant is that to me, having kids = YUCK. Hell, I guess it's a good thing I don't want kids - I'm so picky, I can barely find anyone to *SNOG* (let alone, shag... )! I'm doomed. *Sigh*

Same here. Obviously I'm not even searching.

Delilah wrote:One thing I know for sure... once you got hurt it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to trust somebody again. You have a feeling everybody is deceiving you...
Maybe it is called paranoia. Maybe reality...

Well, I guess that's different for different people. I might have difficulties trusting somebody again after he'd hurt me, yes, but if he's honest about it, for me it would be easier, because then at least he gives me a free choice.

On the other hand: I've been hurt by former boyfriends too, and have suffered severely, but that has never kept me from falling in love again when I met somebody new. After some time of grief of course, but that's the price I paid happily (in hindsight)...

Eva wrote:
On the other hand: I've been hurt by former boyfriends too, and have suffered severely, but that has never kept me from falling in love again when I met somebody new. After some time of grief of course, but that's the price I paid happily (in hindsight)...

I am of the 'when I fall in love, it will be for ever....' persuasion.

So I guess I should wait until I'm 93 or something.

Not that you get a choice, as far as I can tell.

straylight wrote: I am of the 'when I fall in love, it will be for ever....' persuasion.

How do you mean?

- In the sense of "One can only fall in love once/There's just one true love in a life time" or
- in the sense of "Should I fall in love I want it to last for ever."?

I'm not intending to start a discussion on that, I'm just curious...

timsinister wrote:Not at all Andy; I suspect I'm associating with the wrong kind of people.
I'd like to believe a relationship comes with no ambiguity, hidden depths, off-topics or borders...

But I've yet to see it happen. Maybe someone will come along to shatter this cold, psychological outlook.

I've seen it happen. Just not with any of my previous girlfriends (plural consecutive, not concurrent). Ain't life a bitch, huh?

Still, there's always next time. If you don't rely on a relationship to confirm your self-image you'll gain more than you lose whatever happens.

Eva wrote:

straylight wrote: I am of the 'when I fall in love, it will be for ever....' persuasion.

How do you mean?

- In the sense of "One can only fall in love once/There's just one true love in a life time" or
- in the sense of "Should I fall in love I want it to last for ever."?

I'm not intending to start a discussion on that, I'm just curious...

More like the second one I suppose- but really I think I only could let it happen once, & even that wouldn't be easy. I don't necessarily believe there is such a thing as 'true love', but I know that if I thought I'd done it ( even if it had not been returned) I couldn't do it again.

Although of course I might, & it would just show that the first time wasn't what I thought it was!

I think I am just a bit emotionally stunted.

Delilah wrote:And there is soemthing else on the horizon

Step back. Find an empty field. A clear night sky. A portable device and The Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon. Betcha can't resist a wiggle as you sing to the stars.

Francis wrote:

Delilah wrote:And there is soemthing else on the horizon

Step back. Find an empty field. A clear night sky. A portable device and The Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon. Betcha can't resist a wiggle as you sing to the stars.

Yes, I have tried that Francis! But I have another way of dealing with an old disappointment and something new that is very "long-distance" now. And it is very very pleasant BTW
It involves "train of flesh" and a sailor man

Bill the optomist said it better than I ever could....

I can't hold any form of relationship together for more than a couple of weeks, online or offline.

Having said that, my friend's just met her boyfriend off the net. They meet now every couple of weeks and are really madly in love.

Guess it works for some people.

Dark wrote:I can't hold any form of relationship together for more than a couple of weeks, online or offline.

Having said that, my friend's just met her boyfriend off the net. They meet now every couple of weeks and are really madly in love.

Guess it works for some people.

You've put your finger right on it, Dark. Some people. Essentially, asking the question in the title of this thread is NEVER going to yield a definitive answer, just a lot of conflicting opinions.

Regarding internet relationships...well, if you're asking for advice over the net, that's the beginning of trust, isn't it?

timsinister wrote:Regarding internet relationships...well, if you're asking for advice over the net, that's the beginning of trust, isn't it?

Damn your impeccable logic, Science Boy.