Heartland

Quiff Boy wrote: ↑04 Dec 2020, 09:59 Thundersnow

The BBC wrote:Dr Bryony Coombs tweeted: "Good morning to everyone in Edinburgh who woke in the middle of the night to huge crashes of thunder, lightning and snow."

And Edinpotter63 tweeted: "Good morning from snowy Edinburgh. Woken up at 04:40 by thundersnow!".

What randoms post on Twitter is news now?

markfiend wrote: ↑04 Dec 2020, 10:13

The BBC wrote:Dr Bryony Coombs tweeted: "Good morning to everyone in Edinburgh who woke in the middle of the night to huge crashes of thunder, lightning and snow."

And Edinpotter63 tweeted: "Good morning from snowy Edinburgh. Woken up at 04:40 by thundersnow!".

What randoms post on Twitter is news now?

if it's a catchy phrase, i guess so

It's been a tough year for retailers & artists but spare a thought for Nick Cave as nobody wants to buy his wallpaper

Now that wearing a mask is the considered okay in day to day activities, you might want to remember that the next time you're robbing a bank

Pista wrote: ↑06 Dec 2020, 10:28 Now that wearing a mask is the considered okay in day to day activities, you might want to remember that the next time you're robbing a bank

One of the biking magazines in the UK (might have been Performance Bike) used to issue stickers that you could put on your bike or your lid - like a little red wedge for the top end of your rev counter that said "She'll no' take any more, cap'n!". One of the give-aways was a label to go below the visor that said "Hand over the money and no-one gets hurt".
A friend of mine had this on her lid, and late one evening pulled in to a 24-hour garage to fill up. Went to the window to pay, the spotty yoof behind the glass took her card and said "It'll just take a minute, the machine's rebooting." So she's standing there waiting, spotty yoof keeps smiling, pointing at the card machine. 3 minutes later the local plod's ARV screams onto the forecourt, lights blazing - plod leaps out, guns at the ready, yelling at her to lie down and not move.
Turns out that a week previous the garage had been robbed at gunpoint and they'd installed a silent alarm connected to armed response as a result. Spotty yoof saw the sticker on her helmet and leaped to conclusions.

Pista wrote: ↑04 Dec 2020, 15:17 It's been a tough year for retailers & artists but spare a thought for Nick Cave as nobody wants to buy his wallpaper

If the Biccies don't write a song called Porno Anaglypta then there's something seriously rotten in the state of Birkinhead.

Behold. The T.U.R.D.I.S. It's bog-ger on the inside

Big banana brightens Bournemouth man's year

Woman, furious that her garden storage hasn't been installed, unleashes on.... *shakes magic-8-ball*....... Shed Seven

Let's be honest and ask ourselves, who among us has not seriously desired to take a swing at one of the arseholes we have to work with during a team-building exercise (although, admittedly, none of the ones I've been unfortunate to have to attend have involved all-day drinking).

You have taken my toilet's virginity. This is a criminal act!

that's fair

the last apartment block i lived in was a new-build, so i was the first person to live in that apartment

which also meant i was the first person to use that toilet

it still had the tape around it and the protective covering...

there was something deeply satisfying about unwrapping a toilet and knowing you were the first person to have a poo on it

Rock, Rock City ... HBD@40 ... ...

For all your steel-plate capped log smashing into your crotch needs, iron crotch kung fu

It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out

Pista wrote: ↑14 Dec 2020, 09:28 It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out

lucky bastards . i never find hand grenades. that would be awesome

eastmidswhizzkid wrote: ↑14 Dec 2020, 09:41

Pista wrote: ↑14 Dec 2020, 09:28 It could be a grenade or whale vomit. Try poking it with a hot pin to find out

lucky bastards . i never find hand grenades. that would be awesome

Sure beats finding whale vomit

Yupp

"Yes, what can I get you?"..."I'd like a rat please."....."Er, we don't sell rats."...."But you've got one in the window."

"What is this I see before me?"

https://www.forbes.com/sites/douglasyu/ ... ssion=true

Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags

Pista wrote: ↑18 Dec 2020, 11:05 Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags

Initially I read this as involving a certain well known, but losing, Spurs striker.

Pista wrote: ↑18 Dec 2020, 11:05 Son wins lawsuit against his mother for...*checks notes*......chucking out his favourite jazz mags

Twenty-five grand's worth of pr0n is quite some collection!

Quiff Boy wrote: ↑10 Dec 2020, 12:21
there was something deeply satisfying about unwrapping a toilet and knowing you were the first person to have a poo on it

oh lordy that must have made quite a mess, unless you had a poo in it instead of on it!

Ban this this filth!