Heartland

There are many reasons why I live in the northern hemisphere. The general absence of giant f**king spiders being just one of them.

Spiders at normal small sizes are bad enough. Ones the size of small dogs can f**k right off.

Ditto that for spiders in very small numbers vs 100s of the bastards.

sounds like you have arachnophobia QB!
coming from the southern hemisphere you get used to large creepy crawlies.
those aren't that bad and aren't the size of a small dog
spiders are very useful keeping insects like mozzies (mosquitoes) at bay and when they make babies they usually make hundreds.
won't hurt your mind about those ones that are poisonous and can kill you, no not in the northern hemisphere

Fire department called out to rescue woman stuck on top of a ...*spins wheel*..... T Rex

Pista wrote: ↑24 Mar 2021, 14:10 Following the flooding in NSW, officials warn of the influx of thousands of nopes seeking to escape to dry ground

In other arachnid-related news, there's this.

Now, I'll be honest - if there had been a few less do-gooding leper-lovers and a few more [checks notes] knife-wielding spider gods involved then I'd probably have paid more attention at Sunday School. "Screw this loaves and fishes shit, reverend - tell us about the time that a machete-toting 8-legged bad-ass motherfucker not only evicted the money-lenders from the temple but sent them home with their arms and legs in sacks."

If it's that bloody swan again tell him we've already got some.

Let's face it. Who hasn't wanted to pour a molten giant gummy bear over their lover's chest to spice up their sexy time?

EvilBastard wrote: ↑30 Mar 2021, 00:58 Anyone we know..?

Better link

more of a Suet crisis...

Ha!
Continuing on a theme. Now that the Evergreen boat has finally been dislodged, that's the last we'll hear the name Evergreen right? RIGHT?

Pista wrote: ↑30 Mar 2021, 09:54 Ha!
Continuing on a theme. Now that the Evergreen boat has finally been dislodged, that's the last we'll hear the name Evergreen right? RIGHT?

now this would be a perfect oppurtunity to flex those eccentric cullinary tastes without f**king the rest of us up. where are the hordes of oriental heston blumenthal-a-likes (cant be arsed to google correct spelling) eager to munch the fast lane free of obstructive traffic? a pantechnicon rather than a pandemic ? fukking uselesss...

Bigger than it looks in the photo. Would not buy again

Pista wrote: ↑31 Mar 2021, 09:09 Bigger than it looks in the photo. Would not buy again

If you've just been pulled over for speeding and you're trying to bluff your way out of a ticket, it's probably best you don't have a fitness app on your phone that automatically pops up to congratulate you on your new top speed of 120mph. While the officer is taking your details.

To avoid getting beaten up, stay away from the angriest octopus on the beach

Pista wrote: ↑02 Apr 2021, 09:15 To avoid getting beaten up, stay away from the angriest octopus on the beach

the angriest! there's more than one!

Not a pleasant pheasant. With video of a pheasant being unpleasant. (sound up)

Elite UK military unit ordered to stop taking the p!ss out of rival unit.

Visit New Zealand. Go to the toilet.

Slide on the chrome and plastic

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/104968019#/

Also, worth watching the video tour - SOUND ON!!

Quiff Boy wrote: ↑06 Apr 2021, 15:38 Slide on the chrome and plastic

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/104968019#/

Also, worth watching the video tour - SOUND ON!!

Fa
Kin
Ell.

I'd consider buying it - I mean, could you imagine the fun you could have in there with kittens? All those shiny surfaces, tiny fuzzy feet would have no chance of grip, so they'd be scrambling wildly, and if they eventually got some traction they'd fly across the floor, with zero chance of stopping before colliding in a furry heap in the corner. So there's that. Slightly troubled by the concept of the "family shower room", but I suppose nothing would surprise me about what people who live in that part of the world get up to behind closed doors.

eastmidswhizzkid wrote: ↑02 Apr 2021, 09:48

Pista wrote: ↑02 Apr 2021, 09:15 To avoid getting beaten up, stay away from the angriest octopus on the beach

the angriest! there's more than one!

Approached for comment, the octopus remarked, "Ya know, mate, I've just about had it up to heeyah with that Steve Irwin baahstud, so when the missus saw a bloke who looked a bit like him coming down the beach I thought "Fair go, he's been pissin' us off for years, see how he likes it, you know?" So yeah, I clobbered him one. No, I'm not sorry - I'd do it again. Why do we have t'put with it is what I'd like to know. My brother in law Wilf lives up the coast a bit, and he reckons that that David Attenborough is alright - always very respectful like, none of this poking shit. I mean, I'd move, but the kids are in school and the money's better here, but d'ya see what we've got to put up with. You tell those blokes, any more come down here and they'll get more of the same."

When life gives you brown paper bags, make...a cowboy costume and paper horse companion

Other than the murders, everything is fine