Hold the front page! Some news happened. Film at 11
Early contender for headline of the year: Gloucestershire Orville creator confesses to nearly killing David Jason with giant sugar lump
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EvilBastard
- Overbomber
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- Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
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Exciting News, coming to you from an Undisclosed Location to which the intrepid FUCT news team has been granted exclusive access!
Yes, folks - since 1990 literally dozens of people have been wondering what
has been up to, and when we might expect a new album. Rumours abounded - that he'd been spotted shuffling around the Merion in his carpet slippers at 9 in the morning, waving a can of Special Brew about and hurling incoherent filth at passers by before taking up his pitch whence he exhorted the public to invest in the "Evening Pots", or that he'd been appointed Boris Johnson's Special Political Consultant in the wake of Dominic Cummings' departure (apparently having been offered the position thanks to his penchant for putting heads on spikes).
But no. The rumours are not true. Tonight we at FUCT Reportage can reveal that and Nursie have been working on a new project that combines their greatest loves. The album is expected to drop in September.
Yes, folks - since 1990 literally dozens of people have been wondering what
has been up to, and when we might expect a new album. Rumours abounded - that he'd been spotted shuffling around the Merion in his carpet slippers at 9 in the morning, waving a can of Special Brew about and hurling incoherent filth at passers by before taking up his pitch whence he exhorted the public to invest in the "Evening Pots", or that he'd been appointed Boris Johnson's Special Political Consultant in the wake of Dominic Cummings' departure (apparently having been offered the position thanks to his penchant for putting heads on spikes). But no. The rumours are not true. Tonight we at FUCT Reportage can reveal that
and Nursie have been working on a new project that combines their greatest loves. The album is expected to drop in September."I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Hank Moody
I scream. You scream. We all scream for the UK Cadbury 99 Flake shortage
If you're going to rob a bakery, you might get spotted on surveillance video & your image digitised & printed on batches of cookies in a bid to find you.
This should go to the cookies HYPER-Thread 
'Are we the Baddies?'...
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
"Someday! Someday, everything you need, is just gonna fall out of the sky..." -A.E. Reading 1991
"Don't forget that most of the judges in witches trials had harvard degrees."
Montrose air field. Having seen Sopwith Camels & Spitfire squadrons in its time, now plays host to a..*checks notes*.... flying haggis....Wait! What?
Drug dealer busted all because of his....*checks notes*....... love of cheese
Sussex police would like to remind everyone that the emergency number should not be used for accusing your neighbour of sending a ghost to haunt you
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EvilBastard
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Won't someone please think of the kites...
But why? Are these birds avenging something?
Mostly they’re scavenging something. Only recently, a child in a pram suffered nasty cuts after a kite snatched a custard cream from his hand.
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Hank Moody
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markfiend
- goriller of form 3b
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...it’s worth remembering that a kite is a raptor with sharp talons and a wingspan of up to 1.5 metres. If it wants your sausage roll, you should probably give it up.
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
Not to be outdone by every other animal in Australia that wants to kill you, mice there will even burn down your house
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EvilBastard
- Overbomber
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- Joined: 01 Feb 2006, 17:48
- Location: Where the Ruined Tower shouts
FTFY
"I won't go down in history, but I probably will go down on your sister."
Hank Moody
Hank Moody
Move over big chip guy. Here's bigger chip guy
We go now to Skipton to see how the road pot-hole situation is being tackl.......oh dear..
For just 50 notes you could take part in the great mannequin heist of 2021
Image of Jesus, or possibly Owl-man, spotted on a toilet door in Glasgow
When you're ready, I'd like you to take the first turning right. Mr Bump
I think this is what's called karma
Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your white zone shiat again!
Don't you just hate it when your neighbours start using their bees as weapons?
I'll see your mad headline & raise you Pablo Escobar’s ‘cocaine hippos’ won’t stop having sex and are ruining rivers with toxic poop
The Golden Fish in Dagenham inches its way ahead in the UK's longest chip race
Fcuking people are fcuking swearing more according to the fcuking British Board of fcuking Film Classification for fcuk's sake!