Heartland

Pista wrote:
I had a thought about this thread & that was to have t-shirts made of totally ficticious bands.

Inspired. See how quickly we can baffle the muso circuit, out-scening them on bands that don't even exist!

After mild success with thier fist album (We Are Tools), largely due to the minor club hit of the same name, this not-so "super" group comprised of Fred Durst (Limp Biskit), Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy), and Gerard Way (MCR) are back with their sophomore album; Playful, Rebelious, and Immature. You are not alone in asking yourself "why?". Lending their talents to the Pleasure Island Family Theme Park camp this time around are none other than Del tha Funkee Homosapien and mixmaster/producer Danger Mouse. Not even guest appearances by Eminem, Cee-Lo, Damon Albarn, and William Shatner can save this trainwreck of a project. The first single from the album, My Butthole Hurts , was origianlly to have been included on the Myspace Christmas sampler, however it was pulled for reasons not yet made public.

While trolling through your local record shop's indie bin, be sure to check out this gem from up-and-comers Turkish Revenge Brigade and do as the title implies, Give It A Try. You'll find yourself in the presence of irresistible, garage-bred rock on the group's blissed-out four-song debut EP. Fun as hell, and superbly crafted, Give It A Try easily leaves listeners clamouring for more, making word that there's a "full-length" in the band's future superb news for those in need of additional manic pop thrills.

You can see I have a lot to do today


this must be the 3rd album by the semi-legendary(?) art-rock trio GORHAM'S DISEASE (formerly known as Idiopathic Massive Osteolysis).
sorry for the lack of background info but to be honest i've really no idea what they sound like as i'd simply be too damn frightened to pick up anything with moz's face on it.
maybe someone else can give it a listen. or maybe not.

The new U2?
Not really. Pelan are another Irish "also ran" on the scene & this first platter from the Emerald Isle based quintet is both weak & soul-less (not unlike a James Blunt record).
With subject matter ranging from the EU butter mountain to what colour pants can be washed with white t-shirts, this effort is dull in the extreme.
Frontman Brendan Shennanigan simply hasn't got the range to carry off many of the tracks & ought to have a serious discussion with songwriter, Keiran Blarney about which key to use before venturing into the studio again (god forbid).
One bright point of the album is Rory McGuiness' tambourine solo on the anti rambler anthem, "Get Orf My Land!".
Other than that, this is a disc that will vanish from the shelves of your local corner shop & bypass the bargain bucket instantly.
Let's hope someone can recycle CDs, as this piece of sh!t is coming that way.

Egungun-Oya is the name of an african cult that remotely reminds of the myth of the Ban Sheide.
This project, at home in the german Black Forrest region, takes this exotic myth and tries to give it as much authenticity by using minimalistc instruments as, according to the artist, "They would do in Africa". So a beginner's keyboard "Purchased for 5€ on the local Jumble" has to do the job of producing a dense mythical athmosphere.
The artist herself confesses to "Booddhooism", a combination of Buddhism and Voodoo-cult she created herself.
"I found a deep spirtuality through several motivation and sales trainings I attended to for my first job as bank accountant and my second job in network marketing for a kitchen's supplier. They helped me to release my intuitive genius and creativity", she tells us. During a seminar for her second job, where her trainer introduced a music-therapeutical approach to "develop a heartfelt relationship" between the goods on sale and the salespersons the idea for the project was born. "I was so amazed by how beautyfully our goods can sound that I instantly felt I wanted to make music with them. I don't think of my project as Avant Garde as such, rather some kind of Haute Cuisine-style approach to Neo Ethno/Industrial or Tupperfolk".
We asked a Voodoo priest for his opinion on the project and the resulting product. according to him Voodoo unfortunately offered no option of holy war "But I got a hen with her name on it in my backyard!".

Quality, sir!

Velvets?
Stones?
Stooges?
Suicide?

Now prepare yourself for Draughtsman. Blasting out of small-town UK on a high-octane mix of cheap lighter fluid and stolen hubcaps, these boys have one mission in life - to put the "Rrrrrrrrrr" back into "rock and roll"! Singer Pete Dangerous hovers menacingly. Guitarist Johnny "20 Years" and sibling rhythm section Bazza and Dazza crowd behind him, jostling. I ask them about their music and they threaten to punch my face in. Going home, I listen to their CD - it's rubbish, really. But they do make for such a good cover story. Later on I find my wallet is missing, must have lost it on the train. Oh well. (Note to editor: will this do?)

disqualified for C*mic S*ns abuse

Even if it was intentional and just to wind you up?

more so

I remember you saw a sign with That Particular Font in Belgium.
I feared for my life!

boudicca wrote:I remember you saw a sign with That Particular Font in Belgium.
I feared for my life!

I'm saddened not to have joined that moment Every now and then I remember the couple-hundred pages course in all Comic Sans I once had to learn

Passing without further comment...

many chuckles, good work all!

"The Riddle of the Universe and its Solution" initially named themselves "The Papcorn Skwatt", and didn't know why. This brought them to think more about names and their nature, nature of thought and nature in general. Thus they came to their new, rather long name. And they liked the abbrevitation "TRoTUaiS".
They are punks in pinstripe suits, breaking the barriers of decency and good taste towards a display of "greed is good"-attitude that even embarrasses their neoliberal friends. "Why should punk only be for the road filth, eh? We can f*cking afford more beer than those mobile homes for lost louses!"
So they sing of digging chicks, shagging secretaries (male and female) and drinking out off all vessels except for cat toilets in a relaxed lounge groove.
One day after the presentation their first and hopefully only ever release was nominated for the Potemkin Award.

After the lukewarm reception to their debut album, Pharmas Nokturns, Lithuanian 3-piece Lovely By Surprise spent 2 long years in the studio working on a follow up. Was it worth it, pop-pickers? Not 'arf! Of a Balanced Diet opens with with cool strings and a hypnotic jazz-like beat, lulling the the listener into a false sense of security before Lorelei Svingeborgen's glass-shattering vocals smash their way through the cerebral cortex with the subtlety and enthusiasm of Jack Regan delivering a kicking to a villain. The title track, which stormed into the charts this week at number 7, thrashes and writhes like a wounded beast, well aided by one-time Kristianstaat Irregulars axe-man Torsten B'lokskratcha's clashing fretwork.
This is an album to be reckoned with - my mate Tony who works on the bins reckons that one listen to it will have you strangling your cat by tea-time.

Jums wrote

Tupperfolk

Have very much enjoyed this thread but I am, regrettably, almost computer illiterate. However, as wikipedia improbably directed me to a Mr. Barry Trotz (career described below), I could not resist. As I appear unable to apply flickr's picture selection (an arty picture of a tree, as it happens), and as Mr. Trotz, whose primary focus would appear to be coaching the US hockey team the Nashville Predators, therefore is unlikely to have a musical background, I have cheated by deciding Mr Trotz's magnum opus would be assisted by a local Nashville band (similarly named on the wikipedia randomised basis).

I hope that is acceptable.

Barry Trotz
"Except with His Mouth"

The first week of February sees the release of an unexpected novelty record from Barry Trotz, head coah of the NHL ice hockey team the Nashville Predators. Mr. Trotz is joined in his debut effort by Vitex Kuylenni, a local nu-punk hardcore trio whose insistence on the banjo over the guitar betrays their Nashville roots.

Trotz's album is a self-professed homage to legendary French songsmith and crooner Serge Gainsborough, who Trotz professes to admire and esteem above all else. While Serge's influence has recently been favourably reassessed, with former wife Jane Birkin touring to increasing acclaim and numerous indie compilations being released covering Serge's material, it is unlikely that Trotz's own contribution will enhance Serge's reputation.

Trotz, who does not speak French, appears to neglect the subtle nuances, punnery and overt social and political commentary with which Serge's frequently scatalogical song lyrics are graced, and instead is almost exclusively inspired by Serge's infamous outburst to Whitney Houston during a french chat show. It is unlikely that a thirteen song album, comprising short, aggressive three-chord banjo punk with screamed lyrics monotonously repeating the desire to sleep with Whitney Houston (albeit the lyrics themselves, as was the quote itself, are more explicit and directly to the point) will inspire a new generation of Gainsborough fans.

The welcome return of those Bavarian folk farmers, their 413th album features their recent hits- 'das schnell schwein', 'die grossen madchen' and the ever favourite 'suck my kiss'...

Ukranian Tex-Mex combo "List of United States Supreme Court cases, volume 33" return after two decades of silence with their tribute album to Stockhausen. Every disc in this 7CD-box contains their own interpretation of a composition by this brilliant German experimentalist, in the true tradition of cowgirls and guitars, and produced by Dave Gahan. As the original lyrics were minimalistic at best, they were replaced by the first seven verses of the Orthodox bible, repeated seven times in the first seven minutes in each of the seven tracks. The CD booklet contains pictures of their favorite 2401 Playboy centerfolds. This should help the listener to actually "Love and be patient". Aside from frustated male singles worldwide, this release is for hardcore LoUSSCcv33 only. Only to be ordered from their own popular webshop at http://www.listofunitedstatessupremecou ... lume33.ua/ and click on the button "thi spa gec ont ain sal lth ebu lls hit wee ver man age dto sel lto ama jor".

James Blast wrote:If you're unhappy with either the name, title or picture, by all means refresh all three pages and try again.

bad rule
skip it

kazamel wrote:

Ukranian Tex-Mex combo "List of United States Supreme Court cases, volume 33" return after two decades of silence with their tribute album to Stockhausen. Every disc in this 7CD-box contains their own interpretation of a composition by this brilliant German experimentalist, in the true tradition of cowgirls and guitars, and produced by Dave Gahan. As the original lyrics were minimalistic at best, they were replaced by the first seven verses of the Orthodox bible, repeated seven times in the first seven minutes in each of the seven tracks. The CD booklet contains pictures of their favorite 2401 Playboy centerfolds. This should help the listener to actually "Love and be patient". Aside from frustated male singles worldwide, this release is for hardcore LoUSSCcv33 only. Only to be ordered from their own popular webshop at http://www.listofunitedstatessupremecou ... lume33.ua/ and click on the button "thi spa gec ont ain sal lth ebu lls hit wee ver man age dto sel lto ama jor".

Give up now, folks - we have a winner!

I'm sorry mh, but this thread is too good to let it die.



Finnish dead metal combo Thiara were thought to have lived up to their musical style, and pronounced dead by press and fans back in 1989 when they delivered their third strike of ingenuity "Red skies over HIM". But as the game of monkey see monkey do lead to sheer tons of followers, claiming to have invented polar metal - which is in fact power metal pronounced with a heavy finnish accent - it was time for Thiara to set the records straight. And their record does.
As times have changed, even for our finnish hang bang posse, the comeback album takes on another course from where they left off back in the haydays of Bon Jovi and Guns 'n Roses. "Safe, expedient and thin" is a musical indictment to the current rock scene with its lack of courage, innovation and experiment. Guitar breaks are cut down to the bone and intermingled with samples of Nokia adds, twisted Botnic soundclips and "saunds", as they named their recordings of hissing sauna sounds. This is not only mandatory material for oldskool brain wreckers, also you, dear reader of Barbie Collector Magazine, should crack your daddy's iTunes account and download this. In full!