Heartland

You have this tool, it's about eight inches long.
It has a clump of little hairy things at one end.
You insert it into a warm moist opening and wiggle it,
sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly,
thrusting it in and drawing it out again
and again many times.
You recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sounds
resulting from the well lubricated movements.
When you finally withdraw, you clean the
glistening shaft of the juicy, frothy, sticky white substance and:


Go on have a think about it


If you are of an "Open Mind" its NOT what you think!


Wait for it


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

You put the toothbrush back in the holder


Knew You'd Be Pleased.....

I did not figure it out before reading the end; my toothbrush is more than eight inches long.

Nice one Andy.

Continuing the bathroom theme...

This morning I cut myself shaving. This guy came up to me and said, "what's that on your face?"

I said, "it's toilet paper, I cut myself shaving, have you never seen anyone put toilet paper on their face when they've cut themselves before?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He said, "well, yes, but most people use a clean piece."

Petseri wrote:I did not figure it out before reading the end; my toothbrush is more than eight inches long.

And not all toothpaste is white either

Andy TG wrote:You have this tool, it's about eight inches long.
It has a clump of little hairy things at one end.
You insert it into a warm moist opening and wiggle it,
sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly,
thrusting it in and drawing it out again
and again many times.
You recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sounds
resulting from the well lubricated movements.

I know some girls who use a battery-operated vibrating one. They love it and they'd never swap again with the one you mentioned.

Oddly enough they are not lesbians. Some of them even have a boyfriend.

An odd world we live in

IZ.

By some bizarre twist of fate, Eldritch, McCoy & Hussey all die at the same time on the same day, they end up in Hell, sitting in a room wondering what they have done to deserve it and what their punishment will be.
After a while, Satan enters through a door and says ''FOLLOW ME'', so the trio follow him down a long, dark corridor, they come to a door marked 'Eldritch', Satan opens it, inside is a woman of at least 85 years old, with warts, atheletes foot and breasts like an orange in a sock.
''ANDREW ELDRITCH, FOR ALL OF YOUR EARTHLY SINS YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH THIS WRETCHED OLD HAG''
Satan hauls the screaming Eldritch into the room and slams the door shut.
''FOLLOW ME'' booms Satan and McCoy and Hussey walk further down the corridor until they reach a door marked 'McCoy', again Satan opens it, there on a bed is a woman of at least 90 years of age, with acne, dandruff and breasts like 2 fried eggs hanging on a nail.
''CARL McCOY, FOR ALL OF YOUR EATHLY SINS YOU WILL SPEND ALL ETERNITY HAVING INTERCOURSE AND ORALLY PLEASURING THIS DIABOLICAL OLD HAG''
Satan picks McCoy up by his collar and throws him into the room, slamming the door to his muffeled pleas.
''FOLLOW ME'' says Satan, and on they go once again down the dark, long corridor. By this time Wayne's getting so upset that a lump has formed at the back of his trousers, before long they reach door, Satan opens it, Wayne peers in, and much to his amazement he room is full of candles, joss sticks, endless packs of silk cut ciggaretes and an infinate ammount of bottles of blue nun, and there, shackled to the bed is Winnona Ryder, surrounded by vibrators, bottles of lube, strap-ons and all manner of devious sexual devices.
All of a sudden a voices booms out..................................

''WYNNONA RYDER, FOR ALL OF YOUR EARTHLY SINS.......................''

not bad