Heartland

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5
year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons a
bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last
stop! And all
of you sons a bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the
train... cause we're going down the tracks!"
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that
kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room
and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may
play with your train... but I want you to use nice language." Two
hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her
son say...
"All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again
soon." She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you
just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope
you
will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the
mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen

and

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. "When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. " I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.


" Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."
Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.
Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
"Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that".
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack.
"Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.
"Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your f*cking attitude, you never will."

There's reports of a bomb going off on a train just outside Dublin this afternoon.
The Guardi (police) have blamed the Irish-Muslem faction of Al Qaida and reckon this is the first instance of a No More Nails bomb

Funny, me like

bushman*pm wrote:There's reports of a bomb going off on a train just outside Dublin this afternoon.
The Guardi (police) have blamed the Irish-Muslem faction of Al Qaida and reckon this is the first instance of a No More Nails bomb

I don't get it?

bushman*pm wrote:There's reports of a bomb going off on a train just outside Dublin this afternoon.
The Guardi (police) have blamed the Irish-Muslem faction of Al Qaida and reckon this is the first instance of a No More Nails bomb

One of the suspected terrorists has been arrested and charged with trying to blow up a bus. A Guardi spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, reported that the suspect was arrested at Dublin General Infirmary with 3rd degree burns to his lips, mouth, and tongue, caused by the bus' exhaust pipe.