Heartland

How you can tell its christmas:

You look out of the window. There isn’t a vacant off-street parking space within a five mile radius off your house.
‘I’ve got a degree in mechanical engineering – I don’t need the manual for Mousetrap thankyou very much’.

‘No, 10am is not to early to start drinking – I’m on holiday’.

You remember the time when you got a Chopper bike for Christmas. The only Christmas in living memory when it snowed like f**k for three days.

‘You can’t just BUILD the mousetrap – you have to play the game.’

38 AA batteries used within 1 hour

‘Why does the boot keep missing the bucket?’

‘DAAAAAD, Joe’s torn up the go to jail card’

‘Don’t take the corners too fast, the car will come of…SEE!!!!’

*Ring-ring* ‘Dave! How’s it going mate. What? You’re going on the beach later? With a can of fosters? 90 degree forecast? Nice one mate’! (bastard).

‘DAAAAAAD Joes got a hotel stuck up his nose again’.

‘A CD, thanks kids’ (*thinks* how the f**k can bootleggers manage to spell ‘The Best of U2’ wrong?

‘For the hundredth time – you can’t put a hotel on a train station’.

‘It’s snowing! It’s snowing! Oh hang on, no it’s sleeting, wait, no it’s raining.’ Again.'

*Please leave your message after the tone…..Beeeeeep* 'Hi Sean it’s Derek here from technical support. Sorry to bother you at home but one of the m*****n critical severs has failed. We’ve managed to re-boot it but it needs your password. I know you’re 5th on the emergency contact list but everyone else has got their phones switched off. It’s only 11.am so you shouldn’t be drunk yet ha-ha-ha. See you soon….’

‘Where is that f**king mousetrap manual?’

You promise yourself you will not get drunk next Christmas eve.

‘The whole lot depends on one elastic band? Isn’t there a spare for Christ’s sake?'

‘DAAAD –the cats been sick on my Barbie’

‘Why have you got all your old toys out?’

‘Does someone in this room want to go to the toilet?’

45 mins of TOTP and you haven’t recognized a single band or song.

'DAAAAD - The Christmas tree lights have gone out again.'

*Ring Ring* 'Hello Ma. No the kids haven't written their thankyou notes yet. They are still opening their presents...'