Heartland

"Congratulations! You've caught a goth! But how do you know it's really a goth? What if it's a Spooky Kid, Mansonite, or Quantum? Here's a handy test to see if that vision in black really is a goth. If your quarry meets these specifications, be happy (or forlorn, if you will), for you have caught yourself an authentic!

It is sickened by the country-style decor in your kitchen.
It points out the window at all the other goths caught in your rosebushes, and gives you a longwinded speech about how they are NOT goth.
It is NOT goth.
You may not be able to ascertain its gender from physical examination.
It just won't shut up about all those 80s bands.
Ankhs, ankhs everywhere.
If, however, your prey is more similar to these specs, put it back on your rosebushes to starve or be picked up by its mom.

Wearing any Marilyn Manson clothing
Ugly, ugly, FUGLY makeup.
Gives a long explanation of what Goth is, with contradictions all over the place.
Is wearing blue jeans or khakis, or anything from the (shudder) Gap.
Is a girl scout, salesman, or Jehovah's Witness. (Don't put the trap in the front yard, people!)"

nick the stripper wrote:If I was Von, I'd kill you for that unbecoming avatar, weebleswobble.

The word Punk must appear on a Goth at least once

timsinister wrote:It's been done, netgoth linked that crap years ago. Yawn.

Anyways, two years on the streets of the North's demilitarized zone, and I'm ready to take on any so-called Goff Hunter.