Heartland

Patty Thwack works in a bank and thought she had seen everything, that is, until the day she saw a frog walk up to her till. 'Hi Patty Thwack, my name is Kermit Jagger and I'm a little short of cash so I was wondering if you could arrange a small loan for me please?'
Maintaining her composure, Patty replied rather disinterestedly
'Do you have any security or collateral to offer?' and Kermit Jagger said
'Yes, I have this old porcelain vase that used to belong to my mother' and showed Patty the said vase.
To be frank, it was cheap and horrible looking and probably was not worth its weight in sh!t but still maintaining her composure she replied
'I'll just have to show it to the manager to get his approval' and with that she went off to the managers office and explained the extraordinary story to him.
The manager looked at Patty, looked at the vase, looked at Kermit's account on his computer, then looked back at Patty and replied:





(OMG!)





(I cannot believe I'm doing this!)






Its a nick-nack Patty Thwack
Give the frog a loan
His old man's a Rolling Stone

bushman*pm wrote:Patty Thwack works in a bank and thought she had seen everything, that is, until the day she saw a frog walk up to her till. 'Hi Patty Thwack, my name is Kermit Jagger and I'm a little short of cash so I was wondering if you could arrange a small loan for me please?'
Maintaining her composure, Patty replied rather disinterestedly
'Do you have any security or collateral to offer?' and Kermit Jagger said
'Yes, I have this old porcelain vase that used to belong to my mother' and showed Patty the said vase.
To be frank, it was cheap and horrible looking and probably was not worth its weight in sh!t but still maintaining her composure she replied
'I'll just have to show it to the manager to get his approval' and with that she went off to the managers office and explained the extraordinary story to him.
The manager looked at Patty, looked at the vase, looked at Kermit's account on his computer, then looked back at Patty and replied:





(OMG!)





(I cannot believe I'm doing this!)






Its a nick-nack Patty Thwack
Give the frog a loan
His old man's a Rolling Stone

I can almost visibly imagine your good self, sitting at your desk at 3 AM in the morning, a candle stub barely sputtering enough light, a bottle of empty Four Roses at your feet, and you in a fever scribbling away scenarios for jokes based upon stupid children's rhymes and dodgy band lyrics

IZ.

bushman*pm wrote: (OMG!)
(I cannot believe I'm doing this!)

...and yet you did...

Next!

James Blast wrote:Next!

what, you want another one like that??!!

Another one like that: (copied and pasted from a google search for the punchline)

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.
Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.
Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.
The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.
Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

The moral of the story?

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, with mild-green, hairy-lipped squid

markfiend wrote:Another one like that: (copied and pasted from a google search for the punchline)

Whilst dining at a resturaunt a man was choosing his Squid from the tank.
Finally he noticed a small mild-green coloured squid with a hairy protruding lip hiding at the bottom of the tank.
Having never seen a green squid before, he decided to choose it.
The waiter seemed horrified at his choice, in truth the squid had been passed up for so long by so many diners, they had all but adopted it as a mascot for the resturaunt. Never-the-less the creature was plucked from the tank and taken to the kitchen.

Gervaise, the cook took one look at the squid and it's hairy bottom lip and couldn't bring himself to kill it. He asked Hans the dishwasher to kill it for him.
Hans took the knife and and looked the squid in the eye for a moment. After a tense few seconds he put the knife down and declared that he didn't have it in him to murder such a pathetic animal.

The moral of the story?

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise, with mild-green, hairy-lipped squid