"'Dear
Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good...!!!
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a
new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
pair of silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex .
anymore or anything
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me! Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia
together! Have a great life!'
'Dear
Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so
much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.
Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing
that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother
raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And
when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I
turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning
and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the
fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee! *MB's edit -
*
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my
sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.'"
