Lets have our own.
Bus drivers.
Pretend you're an air plane pilot by simply tieing off the steering wheel and placing a brick on the accelerator, then walk up and down chatting to the passengers.
Add your own
Top Tips!
Remember Top Tips in Viz?
Lets have our own.
Bus drivers.
Pretend you're an air plane pilot by simply tieing off the steering wheel and placing a brick on the accelerator, then walk up and down chatting to the passengers.
Add your own
Lets have our own.
Bus drivers.
Pretend you're an air plane pilot by simply tieing off the steering wheel and placing a brick on the accelerator, then walk up and down chatting to the passengers.
Add your own
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
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Johnny Rev 7.0
- Banned
- Posts: 1134
- Joined: 09 Sep 2006, 22:15
- Location: A place I go where no one knows
Damn you Scotty! 
I binned all my copies of Viz (issues 23-45) before I moved to Germany as they weren't worth much. Otherwise, I'd be sitting here now typing out every single Top Tip (from issues 23-45).
But I will also confess to buying (remember the Viz small ad section?) and wearing two Viz bought tees.
"Amaze your parents. Come down to breakfast still drunk."
And the classic
"Drink Beer. Smoke Tabs."
I binned all my copies of Viz (issues 23-45) before I moved to Germany as they weren't worth much. Otherwise, I'd be sitting here now typing out every single Top Tip (from issues 23-45).
But I will also confess to buying (remember the Viz small ad section?) and wearing two Viz bought tees.
"Amaze your parents. Come down to breakfast still drunk."
And the classic
"Drink Beer. Smoke Tabs."
What a season
to be beautiful
without a reason
to be beautiful
without a reason
Re-create an airport "free" wifi zone by connecting to your own wifi router & then randomly switching the power on & off at the mains.
Hibs Fans:
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
_________________________
Women, why take two bottles
into the shower when you can take about a
dozen, cluttering up the shelf so there is no room
for the single bottle of all over shampoo that we
seem to be able to manage perfectly well with
for feck sake !!!
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
_________________________
Women, why take two bottles
into the shower when you can take about a
dozen, cluttering up the shelf so there is no room
for the single bottle of all over shampoo that we
seem to be able to manage perfectly well with
for feck sake !!!Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
Pat wrote:You started this thread just to use that.
Moi?......... 
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
This thread has definitely been done before 
Jelly from Pork Pies, once heated, makes a perfect substitute for varnish, and can be used particularly well on doors and skirting boards.
Lee and Dogs, Cleveland
2 old drinking buddies of mine from waay back and long since gone......
Jelly from Pork Pies, once heated, makes a perfect substitute for varnish, and can be used particularly well on doors and skirting boards.
Lee and Dogs, Cleveland
2 old drinking buddies of mine from waay back and long since gone......
-
reactiv8
- Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
- Posts: 568
- Joined: 16 Jul 2007, 03:27
- Location: The Horror
“Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals.scotty wrote:Hibs Fans:
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
_________________________
Women, why take two bottles
into the shower when you can take about a
dozen, cluttering up the shelf so there is no room
for the single bottle of all over shampoo that we
seem to be able to manage perfectly well with
To actual women,
it is merely a good excuse not to play football.�
They (The Establishment) use sex as an addiction for control, just as they use alcohol and drugs ...
- A programme of systematic frustration in order to sell this crock of s**t as immortality, a garden of delights and love. ...
- A programme of systematic frustration in order to sell this crock of s**t as immortality, a garden of delights and love. ...
-
6FeetOver
- Childlike Empress
- Posts: 7683
- Joined: 25 Jan 2002, 00:00
- Location: way on down south, New London town...
- Contact:
Hmm. I'd play football, I think. European football, that is. Wonder if there's a women's league over in Blighty..? I could be the one in black... 
Wonder if there's a women's league over in Blighty..? I could be the one in black... I left my heart in Ballycastle... 
-
6FeetOver
- Childlike Empress
- Posts: 7683
- Joined: 25 Jan 2002, 00:00
- Location: way on down south, New London town...
- Contact:
These tips (to annoy all and sundry) are aimed at Americans (of course! ), but they'd probably work at any large chain department or discount store anywhere:
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them into people's carts when they're not looking.
* Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals throughout the day.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares!", and see what happens.
* Tune all of the radios to a polka station; then turn them off and turn the volumes up to 10.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
* Look right into a security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with GI Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the sporting goods department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible".
* Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
* In the automotive department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
* Hide in clothing racks, and when people browse through, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"
* When an announcement comes over the store intercom, assume the fetal position and scream, "No! No! It's those voices again!"
* Drag a folding lounge chair on display over to the magazine aisle and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into a dressing room and yell loudly, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
), but they'd probably work at any large chain department or discount store anywhere:* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them into people's carts when they're not looking.
* Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals throughout the day.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares!", and see what happens.
* Tune all of the radios to a polka station; then turn them off and turn the volumes up to 10.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
* Look right into a security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with GI Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the sporting goods department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible".
* Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
* In the automotive department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
* Hide in clothing racks, and when people browse through, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"
* When an announcement comes over the store intercom, assume the fetal position and scream, "No! No! It's those voices again!"
* Drag a folding lounge chair on display over to the magazine aisle and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into a dressing room and yell loudly, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
I left my heart in Ballycastle...
-
markfiend
- goriller of form 3b
- Posts: 21181
- Joined: 11 Nov 2003, 10:55
- Location: st custards
- Contact:
"guns in the sporting goods department"
They sell guns in supermarkets in the States?
They sell guns in supermarkets in the States?
The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.
—Bertrand Russell
—Bertrand Russell
Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
-
Planet Dave
- Underneath the Rock
- Posts: 6716
- Joined: 22 Apr 2003, 23:51
- Location: Where the streets fold round
Top Tips are fab, but this little chap is better....
'What a heavy load Einstein must have had. Morons everywhere.'
-
BillyBadBreaks
- Fat Forgetful Bastard
- Posts: 1466
- Joined: 17 Sep 2004, 20:57
- Location: Was the UK, but now Columbus, Ohio
scotty wrote:Hearts Fans:
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
_________________________
Women, why take two bottles
into the shower when you can take about a
dozen, cluttering up the shelf so there is no room
for the single bottle of all over shampoo that we
seem to be able to manage perfectly well with
You still think swastikas look cool
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
-
BillyBadBreaks
- Fat Forgetful Bastard
- Posts: 1466
- Joined: 17 Sep 2004, 20:57
- Location: Was the UK, but now Columbus, Ohio
YES they do!markfiend wrote:"guns in the sporting goods department"
They sell guns in supermarkets in the States?
You still think swastikas look cool
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
BillyBadBreaks wrote:Don't think that went unnoticed Mr BadBreaksscotty wrote:Hearts Fans:
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
-
BillyBadBreaks
- Fat Forgetful Bastard
- Posts: 1466
- Joined: 17 Sep 2004, 20:57
- Location: Was the UK, but now Columbus, Ohio
scotty wrote:Well, after you thrashed us (and I paid $40 to watch it on the pc) I had to do something!BillyBadBreaks wrote:Don't think that went unnoticed Mr BadBreaksscotty wrote:Hearts Fans:
Don't waste Money on Replica Strips/Hats/Scarfs etc, simply stick a cutout cardboard Penis on your Forehead and everyone will instantly know where your Football allegiances lie.
You still think swastikas look cool
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
The real nazis run your schools
They're coaches, businessmen and cops
In a real fourth reich you'll be the first to go
BillyBadBreaks wrote:
Well, after you thrashed us (and I paid $40 to watch it on the pc) I had to do something!
4 - 2 .....................then we get beat by Inverness Cally I paid £23 to watch that 
Being brave is coming home at 2am half drunk, smelling of perfume, climbing into bed, slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"right fatty, you're next!!"
-
psichonaut
- Overbomber
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: 29 Mar 2007, 20:37
- Location: somewhere in time in italy
- Contact:
Sinny.....can i give you a tip?SINsister wrote:These tips (to annoy all and sundry) are aimed at Americans (of course!
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them into people's carts when they're not looking.
* Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals throughout the day.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares!", and see what happens.
* Tune all of the radios to a polka station; then turn them off and turn the volumes up to 10.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?!"
* Look right into a security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with GI Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the sporting goods department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible".
* Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
* In the automotive department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
* Hide in clothing racks, and when people browse through, yell, "Pick me! Pick me!"
* When an announcement comes over the store intercom, assume the fetal position and scream, "No! No! It's those voices again!"
* Drag a folding lounge chair on display over to the magazine aisle and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into a dressing room and yell loudly, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
shall find a work
thanks...my Lord...i'm unbeliver
tear up your pants for psicho...and jump on him
tear up your pants for psicho...and jump on him
-
psichonaut
- Overbomber
- Posts: 2703
- Joined: 29 Mar 2007, 20:37
- Location: somewhere in time in italy
- Contact:
go to drink "about my baby" threadSINsister wrote:Copy and paste is everyone's friend, Marco.
And yes, I'm trying.
thanks...my Lord...i'm unbeliver
tear up your pants for psicho...and jump on him
tear up your pants for psicho...and jump on him
Oh god yes.....frightened the bejeezuz outta me when I turned left from the lard and chips aisle.......markfiend wrote:"guns in the sporting goods department"
They sell guns in supermarkets in the States?
Walmart...so expect Asda to be stocking up on rifles pretty soon
Five cups of coffee just to be myself...when I'd rather be somebody else
-
reactiv8
- Utterly Bastard Groovy Amphetamine Filth
- Posts: 568
- Joined: 16 Jul 2007, 03:27
- Location: The Horror
There certainly is a women's soccer league here, and I'm sure they would welcome you - in Black of course. However, just one thing:- play for whoever you like with one exception - not the Gooners (just ask anyone). I can see you as Queen of the goal, all dressed in NOIR!SINsister wrote:Hmm. I'd play football, I think. European football, that is.
They (The Establishment) use sex as an addiction for control, just as they use alcohol and drugs ...
- A programme of systematic frustration in order to sell this crock of s**t as immortality, a garden of delights and love. ...
- A programme of systematic frustration in order to sell this crock of s**t as immortality, a garden of delights and love. ...