Heartland

Despite the name, completely safe for work (unless the site doesn't like hot-linking in which case this might direct you to a picture of some bird doing the spastic eagle, but that is entirely unintentional).

Clicky

totally unrelated

Two Muslim mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the mums pulls out her bag and starts flipping through pictures and reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 now".

The other mum replies, "I remember him as a baby."

Mum says, "He's a martyr now."

"Oh, so sad my dear."

Mum flips to another picture. "And this is my second son, Kalid. he would be 21."

"Oh I remember him. He had such curly hair when he was born."

Mum sighs, "He's a martyr, too."

"Oh gracious me ," says the second mother.

"And this is my third son. My beautiful Ahmed! He would be 18". Mum whispers.

"Yes," says her friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."

"He's a martyr also", Mum says, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photos and says...........





......"They blow up so fast these days, don't they?"

EvilBastard wrote:Despite the name, completely safe for work (unless the site doesn't like hot-linking in which case this might direct you to a picture of some bird doing the spastic eagle, but that is entirely unintentional).

Clicky

Did you read the "Things my girlfriend & I have argued about" link?
It had be crying
This one rings very true

Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

edit. & this


[/quote]See if you can spot the difference between these two statements:
(a) "Those trousers make your backside look fat."
(b) "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."
Maybe the acoustics were really bad in the dining room, or something.

Most definitely NSFW, but a classic for lovers of Viz:

http://www.viz.co.uk/archive_strips/mot ... noats.html