Heartland

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly, a brand-new BMW advanced out of a
dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci
shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the
cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his
car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular
RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he
calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he
then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo
in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in
Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm
Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then
accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet
with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a
response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his
hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the
cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused
as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the Bud says
to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is,
will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a
second and then says, "Okay, why not ?" "You're a Congressman for the
U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie,
"but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the
cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to
get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You
tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . . Now give me back my
dog

I laffed

Me too

Um...why would a cowboy be looking after a flock of sheep?

Republican congressman?

EvilBastard wrote:Um...why would a cowboy be looking after a flock of sheep?

Always one isn't there
I didn't even notice that tbh.

A nicely engineered joke! Where'd you get it?

well I heard it was someone in software design but it didn't have the nice punchline of "gimme back my dog" that's where I laffed

A little while later the same young man comes across another cowboy. Remembering his earlier mistake, he takes a careful look at the animals in the man's care, and recognises them as sheep.
He whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a Wikipedia page on the internet where he calls up information on sheep, their care and husbandry. Armed with this information he examines what the cowboy is doing, takes a picture of it with his digital camera, uploads it to www.animalhusbandry.com, and within minutes he gets the answer he's looking for. He reads the response to his question, "What activity is this man engaged in?" carefully, practices saying it under his breath a couple of times, and then strides over to where the cowboy is standing. In a loud clear voice, confident of the response and knowing that the other man will recognise him for an educated person, he asks, "Excuse me sir - are you shearing?"

"Fcuk off - get your own."

It gets better and better, no?



IZ.

Later that same day, the same young man is regretting that he ever came to the countryside to canvas votes. His last visit is to a ranch, and as he pulls up to the house he sees a cowboy standing in a stockade surrounded by large animals. Anxious not to repeat his earlier mistakes, he examines the animals carefully, compares them to the pictures of the sheep that he took previously, and is confident that he knows what they are.
He gets out of the car, strolls across to the stockade, and introduces himself to the rancher.

"Tell me," he says. "Why don't these cows have horns?"

"Well," replied the rancher, "that's a very good question, young man. You see, some cows don't have horns because they're girl cows. Boy cows aren't born with horns, they only grow later, so it could be that these are young bulls that don't have their horns yet. And some bulls have their horns removed to prevent them damaging each other."

The young man nods sagely.

"But the reason these cows don't have horns," continued the rancher, "is because they're horses."

I laffed

think it's the "wrong animal angle" that does it for me

keep up this damn fine work chaps

One slip of the......errr.....keyboard & this deluge ensues.
Brilliant.