Heartland

Maybe this will teach you, the average man, something. This poem is accurate like a surgeon's knife.

the Genius of the Crowd by Charles Bukowski

there is enough treachery, hatred, violence,
absurdity in the average human being
to supply any given army on any given day
and the best at murder are those
who preach against it
and the best at hate are those
who preach LOVE
AND THE BEST AT WAR
-FINALLY-ARE THOSE WHO PREACH
PEACE

those who preach GOD
NEED God
those who preach PEACE
do not have peace
THOSE WHO PREACH LOVE
DO NOT HAVE LOVE
BEWARE THE PREACHERS
beware the knowers

beware those who
are ALWAYS
READING
BOOKS

beware those who either detest
poverty or are proud of it

BEWARE those quick to praise
for the need PRAISE in return

BEWARE those quick to censure:
they are afraid of what they do
not know

beware those who seek constant
crowds: they are nothing
alone

beware
the average man
the average woman
BEWARE their love

their love is average, seeks
average
but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their
hatred to kill you, to kill
anybody.

not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy
anything
that differs
from their own

not being able
to create art
they will not
understand art

they will consider their failure
as creators
only as a failure
of the world

not being able to love fully
they will BELIEVE your love
incomplete
AND THEN THEY WILL HATE
YOU

and their hatred will be perfect
like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
LIKE A TIGER
LIKE hemlock

their finest
ART

Slug bait
Can't wait
Slug, slug bait
I can't wait

I crawl up the grass to your window
And then I open up your room very slow

Slug bait
Can't wait

I walk into your bedroom
And I look at you with your seven months pregnant womb

Slug bait
Can't, can't wait

I get your husband from his bedroom
I cut his balls off with my knife (KNIFE!)
I make him eat them right there
In front of his pregnant wife (WIFE!)
He chews his balls off
I look at him very slow

Slug, slug bait
Can't, can't wait

As he bleeds to death on the floor
I want you to say "don't do any more!"

Slug, slug bait
Can't, cannot, cannot wait

I look at your big heavy stomach
It's already moving a little bit with your baby
I use the carving knife from your kitchen
I start to perform the operation
You say "No, no don't do that!"
I say, "I don't give a... cat's whiskers."

Slug bait
Can't wait

I pull out your baby
I chew his hand off with my teeth
I lick him clean
It's obscene
As you bleed to death I kill it
I'm just a wicked boy

Slug slug bait bait
Can't can't wait wait
Slug slug bait
Can't can't wait
Slug bait

There are many cumbersome ways to kill a man.
You can make him carry a plank of wood
to the top of a hill and nail him to it. To do this
properly you require a crowd of people
wearing sandals, a cock that crows, a cloak
to dissect, a sponge, some vinegar and one
man to hammer the nails home.

Or you can take a length of steel,
shaped and chased in a traditional way,
and attempt to pierce the metal cage he wears.
But for this you need white horses,
English trees, men with bows and arrows,
at least two flags, a prince, and a
castle to hold your banquet in.

Dispensing with nobility, you may, if the wind
allows, blow gas at him. But then you need
a mile of mud sliced through with ditches,
not to mention black boots, bomb craters,
more mud, a plague of rats, a dozen songs
and some round hats made of steel.

In an age of aeroplanes, you may fly
miles above your victim and dispose of him by
pressing one small switch. All you then
require is an ocean to separate you, two
systems of government, a nation's scientists,
several factories, a psychopath and
land that no-one needs for several years.

These are, as I began, cumbersome ways
to kill a man. Simpler, direct, and much more neat
is to see that he is living somewhere in the middle
of the twentieth century, and leave him there.

Five Ways To Kill A Man by Edwin Brock

itnAklipse wrote:Maybe this will teach you, the average man, something.

who the smeg are you calling average?

sitting quietly
doing nothing

spring comes
and the grass grows by itself.


ok I know that's a bit flipping wet in comparison, but it floats my boat ok?

Dig the irony!

There are loads of that stuff from elsewhere..

boudicca: You don't know a thing about irony.

eotunun: i've started watching der Alte, it's wonderful. It's everything american police series are not

And everyone can follow mdark's (i wish all of you had four letter names ending in 'ark') example and submit their own and JOIN IN ON THE FUN (though i admit this is poor substitute for 'FUN' i just saw in a certain japanese video, but hey...)!

Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected s**t-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna p*ss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can...
twit.

itnAklipse wrote:eotunun: i've started watching der Alte, it's wonderful. It's everything american police series are not

Yupp:

• No hot car chases
  No hot female police officers
  No sunny cities

If you enjoy that stuff, there are excelent TV-films of Henning Mankell's novels. "The fifth Woman" was very good, indeed! (A Co-production of the German ZDF and a swedish station. I guess you can get a swedish version of it somewhere. The best TV crime story I saw so far!)

itnAklipse wrote:boudicca: You don't know a thing about irony.

Read that poem again then go and contrast with some of your previous posts. Actually, no: just read the first line of your post then the "BEWARE THE PREACHERS" twaddle below. That'll do for starters. She clearly knows a hell of a lot more about irony than you do. Come back at me with some laughably limp cock of a riposte if you want but I'm tired of reading your hate-filled, supercilious, would-be intelekshual tirades. I stopped visiting the Sideline forum because it was populated by similarly tragic little damaged darklings postulating their misanthropic tripe as some kind of "truth" that us shallow lower beings with our lives and friends and other such worthless ephemera could never hope of understanding, misquoting Nietzsche (after they've looked him up to see how you spell his name) and rather missing the irony that if their beloved social Darwinism really was the way of the world, they'd be the first to drop out of the food chain. I really can't find an explanation for these people who seem to despise humanity as much as you do other other than a) they underwent some deeply disturbing childhood trauma or b) they have a knob the size of an underdeveloped maggot. So come on, insult me from behind your computer screen in your tissue-ridden bedroom with Death In June posters on the wall.

Love and kisses,

The average man.


everyone else: sorry, but I'm tired of reading arrogant, repugnant rants from this guy informing the rest of us how apparently s**t we are. And the whisky rather kicked around the same time I read this thread ...

itnAklipse wrote:
eotunun: i've started watching der Alte, it's wonderful. It's everything american police series are not

Great series!
The ones with Siegfried Lowitz ofcourse...

Baa Baa Black Sheep.

IZ.

"The boy stood on the burning deck/His lips were all a quiver/He gave a cough, his leg fell off/And floated down the river"

...Or summat like that

Spike Milligan, I think.

Spike Milligan FTW

String
Is a very important thing.
Rope is thicker
But string is quicker.

All Gods children give good phone...

markfiend wrote:<moderator_mode>

dei please stop insulting other HLers.

</moderator_mode>

ban his arse for awhile as punishment!

Izzy HaveMercy wrote:Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Love it too!

weebleswobble wrote:

• Jack is nimble
  Jack is quick
  But Jill prefers the candlestick

Bless Jill!

@MB & Metal on Metal...the 2 of you said it well!!

@Rob...anymore to that "poem"?

I called Jesus, he's not home...

try the mobile phone
maybe i'm out for some miracle

robertzombie wrote:I called Jesus, he's not home...

I'm at work ya tosser!

robertzombie wrote:

on those teeths i can't do nothing