Heartland

Taoism: s**t happens
Hinduism: This s**t happened before
Confucianism: Confucius say: s**t happens
Buddhism: It is only an illusion of s**t happening
Zen: What is the sound of s**t happening?
Islam: If s**t happens, it is the will of Allah
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock: 's**t happens.'
Atheism: There is no such thing as s**t
Agnosticism: Maybe s**t happens, and maybe it doesn't
Protestantism: If s**t happenes, I deserve it
Catholicism: s**t won't happen if I work harder
Judaism: Why does s**t always happen to me?
Televangelism: Send money or s**t will happen to you
Rastafarian: Smoke that s**t
Orthodoxism: Hoooooleeeeyyyyy s**t