Heartland

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER


Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan :

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Ten million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed

5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there's much of your money back in duty / tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back there falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.




Yours etc.
Pat

Seriously: There are several ideas that would require as non-apeish solutions like the one you quote there. There are numbers of commedians who made up similar ideas that work numerically.
The "Who's on top of the ape's rock" will reliably prevent any new ideas from being executed for a real solution of the issue.

where do I sign Padraigh?

I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Pat for PM.

(That's Prime Minister, not private message )

For about 40 seconds I thought: 'We could do that here, too!'

And then I remembered that nothing could induce me to buy an American-made automobile. And that it would take the better part of £300,000 to buy a decent house anywhere but Bumfuck Nebraska, or maybe Detroit. I also recalled that our government pension plan (i.e. Social Security) is already about to run out of money, so retiring all those people at once would completely wipe it out, leaving them and everyone who comes after to fend for themselves financially (and since our health care system is beyond repair, it would also mean doing without).

Of course, I also remembered I have no children , so that would be a bit of a savings there. And since I don't smoke, I suppose I could buy some other luxury items with that allowance...?

Or I could just buy twice as much alcohol - then I wouldn't care that I was likely to wake up dead some morning from some untreated medical condition.

Like I said: for 40 seconds it sounded like a great idea...and then I remembered where I live.