Heartland

i sometimes regret having kicked out my flatmate. she was a total slob and a bit of a stroppy cow, but at least she paid half of the rent - most of the time anyway

what do you regret having done? or not having done, for that matter?

(and please feel free to scream at me if there already is a similar thread )

1) Taking back that psycho BF not once, not twice, but THREE times.

2) Not emigrating to Canada back in the 70s like I wanted to, when it was still easy to do.

3) A number of past fashion choices...

Finding excuses not to go to Sisters gigs when the real reason was just me being lazy.

There are also some other things, but I will think about them and maybe post again.

Too many to list.

Choosing this name when i joined, (pissed up membership form).

I don't do regret because then I'd just end up buying a Delorean and trying to find a flux capacitor.

But I kind of wish I'd have stayed in college. Ego got the best of me and I figured I'd keep moving up at the company I was at. They ended up going bankrupt when the dot.com thing went boom, but I got a nice vacation . These days it's a bitch to find anything worthwhile that doesn't require a bachelors. And there's no way I can do two and a half more years of school.

Not moving to Scotland to go to Art School for a year of my course when I had the chance many moons ago.... Always wondered what could have been.


PS- Though... that would mean no Mr S-T and we are heading for a very happy 16 years, so it's not SO bad!

The funny thing about regret is, that it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done.

I regret causing pain to people. But on the whole, regrets are pointless; it's impossible to change the past.

F*ck me - what a day to bring this topic up. Okay, here goes (in a nutshell);

I was on the brink this weekend of leaving my partner and daughter for another over the weekend. I almost went through with it (in fact I did for about six hours) then realised exactly What The F*ck I Was Doing and am managing to (slowly) sort things out in my life.

Everytime I look at my daughter I regret ever having those thoughts. How the f*ck could I even contemplate doing that to the two people I love so much..?

All is not well at Hunter Towers.

markfiend wrote:The funny thing about regret is, that it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done.

i read some papers on more or less the same topic (i had to read them as part of a course on behavioural decision theory, more like ) and if i recall correctly, for things that happened in the distant past, people were generally found to experience more regret from inaction (i.e., not doing things) than action because they are able to bring to mind a greater number of reasons with which they can justify their past behaviour. the effect was reversed for things that happened more recently. again, if my memory serves, when asked about their greatest regrets, people tended to list a greater number of instances in which they failed to act than those in which they did act.

or was it the other way round?

i don't have the references to the papers now, but i can always check when i get home if anyone's interested. not that anyone will be though...

I've learned not to regret. Where you're at now is far more important than where you were.

@Norman:
When you had the chance to do the wrong thing but didn't, you did something right. Don't forget.
All the best wishes for you lot for better times to come.

markfiend wrote:The funny thing about regret is, that it's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done.

I regret causing pain to people. But on the whole, regrets are pointless; it's impossible to change the past.

Regrets are pointless, unfortuately you can't do much to stop them popping up now and again. It is impossible to change the past thus regrets occurr. Maybe cognitive therapy would help some people who are lost in them..............

Norman Hunter wrote:F*ck me - what a day to bring this topic up. Okay, here goes (in a nutshell);

I was on the brink this weekend of leaving my partner and daughter for another over the weekend. I almost went through with it (in fact I did for about six hours) then realised exactly What The F*ck I Was Doing and am managing to (slowly) sort things out in my life.

Everytime I look at my daughter I regret ever having those thoughts. How the f*ck could I even contemplate doing that to the two people I love so much..?

All is not well at Hunter Towers.

fair play for total honesty and posting that, as traumatic as it is

but that was a very brave thing to do - go back, but the right one.

wishing you all the strgnth that you need to get through this time

and hoping there will be a time soon where you are in a happy place

In roughly chronological order:

Leaving school without doing any Highers - largely because of a case of unrequited love.

Choosing a career path to please my father rather than a) doing something I enjoy and b) am actually any good at.

Forcing my flatmate to have to move by running off and getting a mortgage the moment I started earning a half decent wage, and ruining a really good friendship in the process.

Having been a crap husband - unsupportive and emotionally unavailable.

Booking a certain September weekend in Scotland

Paths and angles. But when the world as is they're the only ones available...So ever on!

I don't think regret is pointless at all. Surely the whole point of regret is a very healthy admission of our past mistakes and a wish to not make them again? This much seems obvious. I regret things: Not treating the girl better, dropping out of my PhD so soon, not because I neccessarily wish I acted differently, but because if I am faced with a similar situation again I will hopefully act more wisely. I am not a mere automation plundering along life's course without a second care... It is often in these moments in which we second-guess ourselves we discover our true selves and what we want out of life. It's about living authentically...

Like most things of course regrets can becme onanistic, but for the most part...fine. I'd be even inclinced to say anyone who says they have 'no regrets' is full of s**t. ..

I've always liked that Woody Allen line - 'My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.'

the_inescapable_truth wrote:I regret things: Not treating the girl better, [...] not because I neccessarily wish I acted differently, but because if I am faced with a similar situation again I will hopefully act more wisely.

Well said, and ditto, I think I chose the word "pointless" poorly.

markfiend wrote:

the_inescapable_truth wrote:I regret things: Not treating the girl better, [...] not because I neccessarily wish I acted differently, but because if I am faced with a similar situation again I will hopefully act more wisely.

Well said, and ditto, I think I chose the word "pointless" poorly.

"Dwell" would have been maybe better...


Or as Woody Allen also said "the only time I make love to somebody I really respect is when I mastrubate". (not really on topic but quite acceptable I think)

not ding-a-ding-danging-my-dang-a-long-ling-long more

Gollum's Cock wrote:"Dwell" would have been maybe better...

Aye.

Regrets... too many, but also not enough.

How's that for a cryptic answer?

I regret nothing.

I don't regret my decisions.
Firstly, I can't change them afterwards, anyway, so instead of regretting I try to do it better next time.
Secondly, if I could have done better, I had done better.

What I do regret is the very few occasions I've hurt other people to the core ...