Heartland

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always picked on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, throws his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have me another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I done back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I done back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

______________________________


A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Wild West and said - "I wanna talk to the man who shot my paw".

In a similar vein...[I'm only going to do the punchlines because I figure you lot already know the joke...]

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

"Yes, but not with the sherrif's best girl."

"I used to have a landrover like that as well."

"And I recognise you, you're Niki Lauda!"

"yer signs fell doon"

"easier tae keep the sheep in place"


here, week, veal... next!

James Blast wrote:"And I recognise you, you're Niki Lauda!"

"The flowers are from a kid on the burns ward to thank you for his new ears."

you're a guid and kind man Mr. Bastard and I thought of you when I read this - http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=1608
nothing to do with its headline, just the actual deconstruction the bloke (for it inevitably is a bloke) did

"Is your dad home?"
"Does it f*cking look like it?!"