Heartland

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible !!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet ?"
"No," she replies. . . . . .









"You just happened to catch my eye"

A man rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed man asked if he got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"



The man did not hesitate. he said, "I want peace in the Middle East.

See

this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and
Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."



The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "man, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."



The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right woman. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch soaps all the time, and is faithful.

That is what I wish for...a good woman."



The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the f***ing map again."

2nd. very nice description!

A man who has just died is delivered to a Glesga mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.


Big Tam the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue. She gives Tam a blank cheque and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Tam, 'Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, Tam presents her with the blank cheque. 'nay charge,' he says.

'No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says.

'Honestly, hen,' Tam says, 'it didnae cost nothin. You see, a deed man o about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit insteed, and she said it made nae difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So, I just switched their heids.......'

Pat wrote:'So, I just switched their heids.......'